The Woman Before Me
by marialisa
Summary: Love comes in many forms most of which are good, but all of which have consequences. In this case, deadly ones.
1. Leaving

**Summary: **After he is rejected by Lindsay yet again, Danny resolves to move on with his life.

**Disclaimer:** I wish I did, but I don't.

**Spoilers:** None

**Rating:** T to be on the safe side

**Authors note: **I loved the note that Lindsay wrote to Danny when she left for Montana but then I started wondering; what if they hadn't parted as friends? What if the shooting Lindsay survived, and the fear of the trial, had led to her pushing Danny away once too often? What would he do?

This story is a result of those musings and a lot of encouragement from **SallyJetson**, who did the beta as well. I can't thank her enough.

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**Leaving**

_The course of true love never did run smooth – William Shakespeare_

'You were just going to go……..you weren't even going to call? Just a lousy card to say 'goodbye, see ya sometime.''

He reached out and grabbed the suitcase from her, throwing it across the room as his voice rose, the frustration and anger he was feeling seeping from his every pore. She flinched as it crashed against the front door of her apartment and Danny felt a brief moment of guilt for losing control but couldn't stop himself from reaching out and grabbing her by her shoulders.

'Why Lindsay?'

'Danny I told you; I have to go back to Montana for a while. I have to testify at this trial……'

'And I get that; what I don't get is why you're pushing me away. You feel it too, you feel this thing between us but you just keep pushing me away, you won't let me _help_ you…..'

He let his voice trail away as he saw the blank expression in her eyes and how, instead of meeting the fierce expression in his, they slid over his shoulder to stare at where her suitcase lay.

The fight drained from him and his arms fell limply to his sides at the realisation that his pleas were falling on deaf ears. She stepped around him and walked to where her suitcase lay. She picked it up and reached for her jacket before turning back to look at him.

Something about the utter defeat he was feeling brought a flicker of some emotion to her eyes and she spoke again, her voice gentle but resolute,

'Danny, I do care about you….a lot….but I'm not the person you need. I can't be in a relationship, I just can't. If I could, it would be with you but it's never going to happen and you need to move on and find someone who can give you what you want.'

'I want _you._'

The frustration in his voice caused a look of distress to cross her face and she dropped the case and moved to stand in front of him.

'Danny, I can't; you have to understand this and you have to accept that we can't be anything more than friends.'

The note of finality in her voice coincided with the sound of a car horn.

She moved back to the door and picked up her case.

'That's my cab.'

She held the door while Danny slowly walked past her and waited for her in the hall.

'I'll take you to the airport, we can talk………'

Her face gave him his answer.

He took the case from her and headed down the stairs to the street below. He placed it into the cab's trunk and held the door open for her. She hesitated before getting in and turned to look at him again but he wouldn't meet her eye. Her hand reached out and fleetingly caressed his cheek before she climbed quickly into the cab. He stood in the street, watching, until it turned the corner and was lost to his sight.


	2. Ghosts

**Author's Note:** A huge thank you to **Sally J** for her endless encouragement and for the beta wub Also to **trustno1 – 1987** for her wonderful comments hugs

Thank you to everyone who has left a review, I really appreciate them.

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**Ghosts**

_Him that I love, I wish to be free – even from me _

_Anne Morrow Lindbergh_

**Saturday night – Bozeman, Montana**

Lindsay parked her father's truck outside 'The City Lights'. She sat for a moment and stared at Bozeman's newest bar, an 'authentic taste of New York City' according to the advertising. Looking at it Lindsay seriously doubted that whoever had opened it had ever been east of Minneapolis.

She checked her watch; it showed the time as 8:15pm. Knowing Kelly only had a short walk from the hotel and wouldn't get to the bar before their agreed meeting time of 8:30pm, Lindsay settled down in the truck to wait for her childhood friend.

She'd been relieved more than anything else when Kelly had called her that afternoon…..they hadn't seen or spoken to each other in over ten years but when she had heard her voice on the end of the phone somehow that hadn't mattered.

_Earlier that day_

_Lindsay sat curled into a tight ball on the love seat on the back porch letting her eyes take in the familiar view. It was too cold to be sitting out but she was warmly wrapped in her mother's coat and a blanket she had taken from her bedroom __and_ _at least sitting out here she could get away from the concern in her parents eyes. _

_She let her gaze wander, taking in the farm buildings, and then, past them, to the wheatfields. It was too early for planting to have started; the snow still lay thick on the ground, but in her mind's eyes she could see blue sky and the wheat moving gently in the breeze of a summer's day._

_Danny wouldn't think much of this view compared to the New York Skyline……. _

_She jerked her head in frustration, trying to dislodge the thoughts that suddenly crowded in. In New York she hadn't been able to think of anything but the memories of the shooting: the sight and smell of the blood; the noise the bullets made as they hit flesh; the screaming; the sound of his voice…….Yet now she was home all she could think about was a pair of angry blue eyes that had refused to meet hers; of the pain etched on his face when she had told him they could never be together; of his words……_

'_I want you'_

_In New York the decision had seemed so clear cut, but why, when she was home, when the ghosts of the friends that she had lost should be haunting her, why, could she think of no-one but Danny? And why was she starting to wonder if pushing him away had been a huge mistake?_

_She remembered something her Grandmother had always said…….'if you love someone set them free'. She told herself that she had done the right thing, that she and her ghosts would only make him unhappy and that if she loved him she had to let him go so that he had a chance to be happy with someone else. So why then, if it was the right thing to do, did a sudden pain grip her heart at the thought that he might find that 'someone else'? _

_She fingered her cell phone and glanced again at its screen. No messages. Since she had arrived she'd had calls from Mac, Stella and Hawkes and a text from Flack, but nothing from Danny; not that she was surprised after the way they had parted. She called up the list of contacts and scrolled down until his name was highlighted. Her finger quivered over the button, but her nerve failed her yet again. _

_The back door opened and her mother stepped out,_

'_There's a phone call for you……'_

_For a moment the hope that it was Danny blazed a trail through her, before her mother continued_

'…_it's Kelly'_

_All thoughts of Danny were forgotten as Lindsay stared at her mother in shock…_

Lindsay shivered. Turning the engine off had been a mistake; the truck was quickly losing the heat it had built up on the journey in from her family's farm. She debated whether to turn the engine back on and wait until she saw Kelly appear or whether to wait in the bar. Before she had time to make a decision she spotted a familiar figure hurrying along the street.

Kelly Wilton, her best friend from Kindergarten through high school. Lindsay climbed out of the truck to wait for the woman she hadn't seen for more than ten years - not since the day of the funeral.

She forced the memory from her head as she walked to the entrance of the bar and waited.

Kelly was walking quickly, her head down in an attempt to protect her eyes against the cold wind that was blowing. As she approached the bar she lifted her head and their eyes locked. The years rolled away as both women flung themselves into each others arms.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lindsay sat back in her chair shaking her head, a gentle smile playing across her lips as Kelly finished describing her husband, Andrew, and their wedding that had taken place 15 months previously.

'Well, he sounds wonderful. Will I get a chance to meet him?'

Kelly nodded

'The hospital agreed that once it gets to the end…you know, when the verdict's due, he can take time off to come be with me…….'

Lindsay gripped her hand in silent comfort as tears sprang again into Kelly's eyes. It had been an emotional couple of hours for both of them as they picked their way carefully over the wreckage left by a gunman's bullets. To Lindsay's surprise, they had found the friendship remained intact…almost as if the last ten years hadn't happened.

'What about your mother? Will she be able to come…will she want to come?'

Kelly shook her head, still holding onto Lindsay's hands.

'No, she's never been well since Nick…..' she swallowed before she carried on, '…died and she really isn't up to travelling here for the trial. She sent you her love though -'

Kelly stopped abruptly as Lindsay jerked back, pulling her hands free,

'What?'

Lindsay shook her head, trying not to cry. Kathleen Wilton's words to her over the grave of her dead son had haunted her for ten years.

Kelly frowned.

'Lindsay?'

'Does she still blame me for Nick being killed? Does she still think it's my fault?'

She was trembling as the words tumbled out. She watched as Kelly's face changed from worried to stunned

'Why on earth did you think that she blamed you?'

Her words sent a shock through Lindsay that left her winded and unable to form a reply to Kelly's question. She drew in a long ragged breath and finally managed to force the words out.

'At Nick's funeral she said to me, 'He died because of you'….'

A look of amazement crossed Kelly's face now

'No she didn't…..'

'She did. We were standing over the grave, you were next to her……she said 'He died because of you'…you heard her say it.'

Lindsay's stomach churned at the memory and a feeling of nausea held her tightly in its grasp as she stared at Kelly, not understanding why she would say that it hadn't happened. The look of horror on Kelly's face was slowly replaced by realisation.

'That's why you never called wasn't it….you thought she blamed you for Nick dying. Oh Lindsay, she never blamed you……you must have heard what your guilty conscious wanted you to hear. What she said was 'He died _for_ you….'

Lindsay was aware of every breath she was taking, of every beat of her heart as it thundered in her chest, as she tried to take this in. Kelly's voice sounded as if it was coming from far away and Lindsay found herself focussing on her friend's lips as she tried to listen to what she was telling her.

'…….then she said, 'be happy, it's what he would have wanted', but you were crying so hard and had started walking away by then……..God, Lindz, if I'd known that you thought Mom blamed you for Nick's death…….'

Kelly's words washed over Lindsay as she allowed herself to think of that terrible day again.

_The temperature had dropped below freezing as they all stood over Nicks' grave. The wind was blowing strongly, making a soft keening sound as it gusted through the trees. She watched as they lowered his coffin into the frozen ground, her mother's arms fastened tightly around her._

_Nick, with his sparkling blue eyes, his infectious laugh, his strong arms and warm heart, was gone. She struggled to accept that she would never again feel his hands on her body, his lips on hers. Never again hear him tell her she was the most beautiful girl in the world and that he loved her. Never again see the happiness in his eyes when she told him she loved him too. _

_The priest had finished speaking and everyone began to move away. Her mother tried to lead her from the graveside but she wanted to stay for a few more moments to try and find the words to say goodbye. Her mother kissed her softly on the cheek, murmuring that she would wait for her by the car, leaving her to stand and stare at the roses and the football pendant lying on the coffin lid. She wasn't aware of anything else until a movement across the grave caught her eye._

_Kathleen Wilton and Kelly stood holding each other as they too tried to find a way to say goodbye to a son and a brother. Feeling as if she was intruding, she took a step back, preparing to walk away._

'_Lindsay…'_

_Kathleen Wilton spoke through her tears_

Lindsay jerked back to the present

'I…..I…misheard?'

Kelly nodded, tears filling her eyes as she watched the agony on Lindsay's face.

'I thought she blamed me….all these years I thought she blamed me.'

Kelly shook her head.

'She's proud of Nick and what he did. She knew how much he loved you……she doesn't blame you, she never has….' Kelly paused and lent forward to capture Lindsay's hands again before continuing, '….oh Lindz, how have you gotten through the last ten years thinking that we blamed you?'


	3. The 'Famous Messer Charm'

**Author's Note:** A huge thank you to **Sally J** for her endless encouragement and for the beta wub. Thank you to everyone who has left a review, I really appreciate them.

Here's chapter three - please don't hate me!

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**The 'Famous Messer Charm' **

_When thought becomes excessively painful, action is the finest remedy – Salman Rushdie _

**Saturday evening - NYC **

'Go home Danny, I don't want to see you again until Monday morning.'

Mac had a 'don't even think about messing with me' look on his face; Danny sighed and reluctantly put the file back down on the desk as he prepared to try again.

'Aww, come on Mac, Stella needs someone to go with her to look at that suspicious death in Tribeca.'

His voice had a wheedling tone to it; he didn't want to go home; he didn't want to go to sleep; he didn't want to dream about Lindsay again.

Mac's jaw tightened.

'And you think that after working a double yesterday and today you are in any fit shape to be a help to anyone? This is a profession Danny, not therapy.'

Danny shook his head in disbelief; _he didn't just say that to me._ The expression on Mac's face was a mix of annoyance and sympathy. The annoyance Danny could deal with, the sympathy however…..

'Therapy?'

He spat the word out as if it was scalding his tongue even though, in the very recesses of his mind, he had to admit that Mac had called it right yet again.

'Go home. Get some sleep. If you can't sleep, go to the gym, watch the game, do anything you need to do to send yourself to sleep, but get some sleep. You arrive in on Monday morning looking like shit and I'll send you home again.'

Danny knew his face was showing the shock he was feeling, but he honestly couldn't remember the last time he'd heard Mac swear. He took a deep breath, preparing to try again, because a pissed off Mac was still worrying him less than the thought of dreaming about her again.

Before he could get the words from his mouth Hawkes appeared at the door.

'Got your message Mac, where do you need me?'

'Suspicious death in Tribeca with Stella. She'll brief you. Thanks for coming in, I know it was your day off but this hothead…' Mac threw a disgusted look at Danny, '…seems to think that he can survive on no sleep whatsoever.'

He turned to face Danny again.

'Go home. Now.'

The tone of his voice and the look on his face finally convinced Danny that he wasn't going to win this fight. He decided to try a different tactic.

'OK, OK, I'll go and get some sleep, but I could cover Hawkes' shift tomorrow to make up for tonight…'

He ground to a halt as the look on Mac's face gave him his answer.

Just like Lindsay's face had 48 hours earlier.

_I'll drive you to the airport, we can talk….. _

He slammed the door shut on the memory and scowled as Mac turned on his heel and headed back to his own office. Hawkes stared after Mac for a moment then turned to look at Danny.

'What's with the desire to work yourself into an early grave?'

The question was so blunt it caught Danny off guard.

'I'm not, I just….I just…..what the fuck? I'm offering to cover a shift. Since when did that become a crime?'

Hawkes either didn't notice or ignored the hostility in his voice. Instead he reached into his pocket and drew out an envelope.

'Well if you're headed home can you do me a favour?'

Danny shrugged; if it meant he could put off climbing into his bed alone for even a few minutes longer he'd do Hawkes a favour, hell, he'd do his laundry.

'I was supposed to be meeting a friend at Hannigan's to watch the game on their widescreen. I tried leaving a message on their cell but it must be switched off. I was going to leave a message behind the bar but you should be there about the time we were going to meet….'

As Hawkes was speaking Danny felt himself begin to relax. Hannigan's….he could go and chill out with a few, _make that a lot_, of beers and watch the game. If Hawkes' friend was up for a few too he might even find out some interesting 'off duty' facts about his elusive colleague.

He realised Hawkes had finished speaking and was waiting for an answer.

'Sure. What's your friend's name and what does he look like?'

'Her name is Lucy, Lucy Connor and she looks like this…..'

Hawkes reached into the envelope, pulled out a photo and handed it to Danny.

Danny stared at the photo. It showed a younger Hawkes with his arm around a young woman. Both were dressed for a ball. He looked up at Hawkes.

'You want me to go and tell your girlfriend that you can't make it to your date?'

'She's not my girlfriend, she a friend from med school, just moved back to New York…'

'You're carrying a picture of her in your pocket and you're telling me she's not your girlfriend…and she looks like that?

Danny gestured toward the photo.

Hawkes shook his head, a slightly irritated look on his face.

'It is possible to just be friends with a woman you know Messer. Are you going to help me here or not?'

The click of high heels approaching told him Stella was on her way to get Hawkes. He glanced again at the photo and shrugged his shoulders; this should be good for a few stories about Hawkes as a student, he fancied a few beers and she was very easy on the eye, so why not?

'Yeah, OK, I'll let her know you had to work.'

He held the photo out but Hawkes shook his head as he backed out of the room toward a waiting Stella,

'Nah, you can give her that. I promised her a copy, that's why I had it with me.'

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hannigan's was already filling up with the Saturday night crowd all eager for a good time. Danny paused at the door, his eyes scanning the room as he looked for Lucy Connor. She wasn't at the bar; he let his focus move to the back of the room and spotted her, seated at a table, reading a paper, a pitcher of beer and two glasses on the table in front of her. Even at this distance he could see she was every bit as gorgeous as she appeared in the photo. Hawkes words replayed in his mind as he started to head across the room toward her.

_It is possible to just be friends with a woman you know Messer. _

Danny smirked, _Yeah right. Translation; Hawkes tried it on and she knocked him back. Who the hell would settle for 'friends' with someone as drop dead gorgeous as that unless they had to. All right Messer, you wanted something to take your mind off everything so how's this. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to find out what the real deal is between Dr ' Victoria's Secret' Connor and Sheldon 'I don't talk about my private life' Hawkes. _

For the first time in over 48 hours he could feel a smile spreading across his face. He was a trained investigator; with his detection skills and a good dollop of the famous Messer charm this should be a piece of cake.

'Hi, Lucy?'

She looked up, frowning slightly as she realised she didn't know him.

'I'm Danny Messer, I work with Sheldon at the crime lab. He's been called in and won't be able to meet you tonight. He asked me to let you know. Said he'd tried your cell but it was switched off.'

His voice trailed off and he raised an eyebrow at her as he spotted the cell phone lying next to the paper.

She stared at him for a moment then the faintest hint of a smile appeared on her face.

'The battery died in my old cell, I just bought this one.' She hesitated for a second, running her eyes over him critically, then waved toward the chair he was standing behind, 'I guess as you've saved me from sitting here looking like I've been stood up, the least I can do is offer you a beer.'

Danny sat down as he flashed her one of his trademark Messer smile's; the one that usually had girls fiddling with their hair and leaning forward to flash their cleavage at him.

It didn't have its usual effect; instead, she seemed to find it amusing.

'Danny Messer. Of course; Sheldon's told me all about you.'

_Told her what? He was going to kill Hawkes the next time he saw him. _

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

'I don't think Hawkes is going to be happy about this.'

Danny lay on his side watching Lucy. She stretched languidly and yawned, rolling onto her side so that she was facing him.

'I don't see that Sheldon has to know, do you?'

'Well I wasn't planning on telling him.'

He reached out and tucked some loose hair back behind her ear, searching her face to see if she was showing any regret at how the evening had ended up. A smile slowly spread across her face.

'You know, I've never had a one night stand before. Since we've had the sex; is this where I make some pathetic excuse, grab my clothes and leave?'

Danny started to laugh; she was nothing if not direct. Her smile faded slightly and her expression became more serious.

'Look I'm not expecting anything here, so if it's easier I can go.'

Danny reached out and gently ran his index finger over the soft creamy skin of her shoulder. She shivered slightly and her green eyes darkened as desire flooded them. How they had ended up here he wasn't certain, and a small part of his mind did wonder when he would start to feel guilty about Lindsay, but at the moment he didn't regret it. It had been too damn long since he'd had any action and Lucy was single and as sexy as hell.

He moved so he was poised above her, his hand sliding into her soft, chestnut brown hair as he kissed her, feeling her lips part at the gentle pressure he applied. Their tongues tangled in a slow sensuous dance, the heat starting to rise again between them. He broke the kiss for a moment, his lips hovering over hers.

'You can go if you want, or you can stay, but I cook a mean breakfast and I've more than enough for two.'

She smiled and wriggled provocatively beneath him, her smile widening as his body's response to her teasing had him catching his breath.

'That would be breakfast in bed would it?'

In reply he dropped his head and captured one rosy nipple in his mouth, torturing it with his teeth and tongue until she arched her back, her hands digging into his hair as she moaned his name. He stopped, ignoring her protest, and moved so his lips were brushing hers, as he murmured softly,

'That's breakfast anywhere you want it'


	4. Love Lies Bleeding

**Authors Note: **Sorry to take so long to post this chapter but life has a way of getting in the way of writing!! As always, huge great big hugs to **SallyJetson** who encouraged and beta'd, and **trustno11987** for her wonderful comments.

The story is now officially 'AU' so there are no spoilers. This chapter is very angsty, but bear with me! Lindsay has some old memories to deal with before she can move on.

Thank you to everyone who has left a review, (particularly after I had Danny jumping into bed with someone else!).

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**Love Lies Bleeding**

_Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live _

_– Norman Cousins_

**9am Mountain View Cemetery – Bozeman, Montana**

'It goes around and around in my head.

I can't stop it. No matter what I do, I can't stop it. I'm not even sure if I want to stop it now. I'm so used to this feeling of guilt that I wonder, if it were gone, how would I cope? How would I drive myself through each day if I didn't have the guilt to run away from?

Of course it wasn't my fault. I know it wasn't because everyone tells me. Everyone who wasn't there, who didn't see; but still they tell me it wasn't my fault. But it feels as if it was, Nick; it still feels as if it's my fault that you died.'

Her whispered words were carried away on the breeze. She removed the glove from her right hand and then slowly, lovingly, traced the letters on the cold stone.

_Nicholas James Wilton aged 21_.

The silence of the cemetery was oddly comforting.

_Dearly beloved son and brother_

Her legs were cramping from crouching down in the bitter cold, but her finger had a life of it's own as it continued to trace the letters on the headstone.

_Deeply missed_

'I miss you Nick, I miss what our life together should have been.'

She moved so that she was sitting on the stone surround.

_Safe in the arms of the Lord_

Her finger stuttered and stopped and she felt the tears threatening as she whispered again,

'You should be here in _my_ arms, you should……' the tears spilled from her eyes, scalding against her cold face, '………you should be here with _me.'_

The tears continued to fall as she rested her head against the stone.

'I have to testify this afternoon. I have to tell everyone what happened that day. My parents, Kelly, the ADA, all of them have said that they'll listen if I want to talk them through it so I can be ready for this afternoon but I don't want to tell them. The only person I want to tell is you. So here I am, freezing my ass off, talking to a piece of stone.'

Her right hand was feeling cold. She slipped the glove back on as she adjusted her scarf so that it covered her mouth and nose in an attempt to feel warmer. She wrapped her arms around herself as she continued.

'You were so sweet when I told you that Becky was upset and wanted to meet Jill, Kate and I for coffee. I wish you hadn't been, because if you'd insisted I would have blown them off and you'd be alive.

I still feel as if I should have realised that something was wrong but I didn't. We sat and talked. We tried to make Becky feel better about Dan messing about with Ruth Evans and we laughed about how annoyed Kelly would be to miss out on all the drama and how much she would hate it, stuck at home with a sprained ankle.

Tania Geller was really nice too. We were the only ones left in the shop and so she came over and sat with us. She was great with Becky; really understood how she was feeling and then _he_ came in…..'

The bile was rising in her throat. She tipped her head back, pulled the scarf down and breathed deeply through her nose, trying to settle her stomach. She stayed like that for a few moments before dropping her head again and continuing

'…..he looked so normal, so……so, _normal_. Tania didn't seem bothered; she just excused herself, went to the counter and got him a coffee. I remember thinking that it was only a few minutes before she would be closing up and you would be arriving to pick me up. I think I stopped really listening to what anyone was saying because all I could think about was you and….and that we would be heading up to the cabin and that you'd make love to me again.'

The tears started pouring down her face as the memories crowded in. She dropped her head into her hands as she slumped against the headstone, remembering how it had felt when he had loved her.

The sound of voices pulled her back to the present. She wiped her eyes and looked around. A family was visiting a grave on the other side of the cemetery; from the flowers heaped on top she guessed the burial must have happened recently. She watched them for a moment before she started speaking again

'I remember Tania calling over to us that she wanted to lock up now. I was surprised because she sounded upset, as if we had stayed too long but now I think she knew he was losing it and she wanted us out of the way. We all stood up and we were heading toward the door when he started shouting at her, telling her he wasn't ever going to let her go, that she belonged to him.

We didn't know what to do, he sounded so angry. Becky asked Tania if she was OK and Tania told us to go. She sounded scared and Jill asked her if we should call the police and that's when he pulled the gun. I was closest and he grabbed me…..'

She started to shake as the memories overwhelmed her. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes as she continued

'I could feel the gun pressed against my side and his arm around my neck. It's funny the things you remember……..I remember that he smelt musty, as if his clothes were damp and that the gun looked strange to me. I know now it was a silencer that he had on it that made it look strange. He told Tania that she had better come with him or he would kill me and then someone screamed but I'm not sure who because I had my eyes closed. I felt the gun move and then he started shooting.'

The tears came again and she tightened her arms around herself as she rocked back and forth in a vain attempt to dull the pain that knifed through her.

'I must have opened my eyes. Becky and Jill were lying on their backs and I knew they were dead. Kate was closer to the door and she was lying on her front. I think she was trying to get away.' The words were coming out through her sobs now.

'Tania hadn't moved. She looked so scared and she was crying and she was begging him to let me go, that she would go with him but to please let me go and he started to laugh and told her that it was too late. She begged him again to let me go and he shot her. He just raised the gun and shot her in the leg. She fell down and she was screaming and he raised the gun and shot her in the head……..and I knew he was going to kill me next. I begged him not to hurt me but he just pushed me away. I was on the floor but he wasn't looking at me, he was staring at Tania. Then he looked at me and he said _she should never have left me, she made me do this. It's all her fault_.'

'He started crying. I couldn't speak, I was so scared. He pointed the gun at me and then the door opened and you walked in.'

She rested her forehead against the cold stone as the tears continued to fall. Her hand reached out and she began tracing the letters of his name as she whispered

'He turned when you walked in. You were smiling, I remember you were smiling and then you realised what was going on and you went for him and tried to grab the gun. I think I screamed but I don't know. Then the gun went off and you fell down and then he turned the gun at me and he pulled the trigger but all I heard was a click. I could hear shouting outside and he must have run out of the back but all I could see was the blood everywhere. Your eyes were open and you looked at me……you looked right in my eyes and you tried to smile and you said my name and then nothing.

I was holding you, I was begging you to be OK, but I knew you were dead….'

The tears were falling too fast for her to talk now and she clutched the gravestone as if it could somehow offer her the comfort she needed as the sobs wracked her body. The crunch of footsteps on gravel sounded behind her and then someone sat down next to her and placed an arm around her shoulder.

She breathed in a familiar scent as she allowed the gentle pressure of their arm to pull her away from the headstone and into their embrace. The tension left her body as a hand stroked her hair and a gentle kiss was dropped onto her head.

'It's time Lindsay. We have to go now.'


	5. Walk Away

**Authors Note: **Sorry it's taken so long to update. Usual combination of work/ real life getting in the way of writing time. As always, huge, huge thanks to **SallyJetson** for the beta, the encouragement and for being a truly wonderful friend. :wub:

Thanks to everyone who has left a review; hope you enjoy this chapter too!

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**Chapter Five – Walk Away**

_Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering.' Paulo Coelho_

**New York City – Monday 7:00am**

Danny sat in the coffee shop staring sightlessly out of the window as he folded and unfolded the sugar sachet he had just emptied into his cappuccino.

The good mood that had carried him through the weekend, all the way to dropping Lucy outside the ER an hour ago, was starting to be replaced with a nagging feeling of guilt. He took a drink of his coffee as he let his mind wander back over the weekend.

It was supposed to have been one night of casual, stress relieving sex. He'd even managed the holy grail of hook ups; a drop dead gorgeous woman who was happy to have one night of mind-blowingly good sex and then leave. She'd even _offered_ to leave, but _he'd_ persuaded her to stay until morning; and then until the afternoon; and then another night, until he had run her to work this morning.

He hadn't felt guilty at all over the weekend; in fact, it had been one of the best weekends he could remember spending in a long time. No stress, no 'treading on eggshells', no watching every word coming out of his mouth. He hadn't dreamt of Lindsay either.

He frowned as he traced a pattern in the froth with the stirrer. The weekend might have been guilt free but guilt was definitely starting to twist at his insides now. It should be because he'd spent the weekend having sex in every imaginable position with someone other than Lindsay but it wasn't; instead the guilt was coming from the realisation about how much he liked Lucy. He traced another pattern; it wasn't just that he liked her, it was also because she'd opened up to him, and, after months of trying in every way possible to help Lindsay, only to have it thrown back in his face, he had to admit that it had felt good when she'd explained, good that she'd shared something so personal with him……..

'_So, if you've never had a one night stand before why did you come back with me last night?'_

_Lucy stirred and raised her head from where it lay on his shoulder. They were stretched out on the couch, Lucy half on top of him, having just watched a replay of the Knicks v's the Lakers. It was 4pm and Danny wasn't in any hurry at all to have her leave._

'_Hmmm, well, I sort of lied. I did have what was supposed to be a one night stand once before, it just didn't work out that way.'_

_He raised his eyebrows as he grinned at her; 'No, so what did it work out as?'_

'_I got engaged to him.'_

_Danny couldn't stop the laugh that escaped him as he stared at her to see if she was serious. She was resting her chin on her hands which were splayed across his chest, her face inches away from his. She was laughing too;_

'_God's honest truth. Turns out I'm very bad at the 'leaving after having sex' bit.' _

'_You got engaged to him?'_

'_Not straight away. Apart from me picking him up in a bar when I was drunk it was a very conventional relationship.'_

_Danny shifted slightly so that he could run his hand over her t-shirt clad body down to her unclad ass. Her eyes narrowed slightly as he began lightly tracing a pattern on her lower back._

'_So what happened?'_

_Her eyes dropped for a moment and when she looked back up at him the sparkle in them had gone._

'_He was a Marine. He was killed 15 months ago in Iraq.'_

_His hand stopped; 'I'm sorry.'_

_A sad smile curled the corners of her mouth; 'Yes, so am I, but you know something, he left me a letter telling me that the best way for me to remember him was to live my life and be happy, because he sure as hell didn't want me to be sad.'_

_He moved his hands and slowly slid them into her hair, cradling her face. _

'_Are you happy?'_

_She used one foot to give her the leverage to push herself up so she could reach his mouth, and dropped one quick kiss on his lips. _

'_It's taken a while, but yes, I am happy again, and to answer your first question,' at his frown she grinned, 'why did I come back with you last night, the answer is quite simple; I hadn't slept with anyone in a long time, hadn't really wanted to, but you were flirting and………' she shrugged her shoulders. _

_He nodded, seeing the sparkle was back in her eyes again. 'So why were you going to have a one night stand with…….?' His eyebrows raised in a silent question._

'_Josh'_

_He nodded. 'So why were you going to have a one night stand with Josh?'_

_Her face twisted into a rueful expression; 'Well, I was head over heels in love with a doctor who didn't know I existed. He broke up with his long term girlfriend and I thought I was in with a chance but he slept with my so called best friend. I went out, got drunk, met Josh, and the rest is history.'_

_Danny nodded, his thoughts momentarily switching to Lindsay before he quickly switched them back again; 'Yeah, I can understand that.' _

_She was looking intently at him and he suddenly felt very exposed, as if she was reading his mind._

'_What's her name?'_

_She didn't sound worried or put out, just curious. He only hesitated a moment before he answered;_

'_Lindsay……..'_

He had told her the whole story. It had been cathartic and she had been a good listener, seemingly not bothered by the fact that he was using her to help himself get through this. When he had finished she had again offered to leave but he hadn't wanted her to go and had persuaded her to stay Sunday night too, although he admitted to himself that his tactic's had been slightly underhanded.

A movement next to him jolted him from his thoughts. Draining the cappuccino he headed for the office.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Flack whistled silently through his teeth; 'You spent the weekend in bed, with Hawkes' girlfriend…..'

'She's not his girlfriend she's his friend from med school…..'

Danny's voice trailed off as he caught the scepticism on Flack's face. The two men sat silently on the bench in the locker room for a moment before Flack stirred restlessly.

'Hope you know what you're doing Messer.'

For what felt like the 100th time in the past couple of minutes Danny wondered what on earth had prompted him to confide in Flack as the detective continued;

'You've been love sick over Lindsay for months. She heads back to Montana and you're dragging your ass around looking like your world's ended and then you come in here and tell me you've spent the weekend with a friend's girlfriend…'

'She's his _friend_ not his _girl_friend.'

Flack groaned and stuck his head in his hands for a moment before looking back up at Danny; 'I hope he sees it like that.'

'Why does he have to know?'

Flack raised his eyebrows; 'What? So this is just a one night stand then?'

Danny stood up, shutting his locker door with more force than necessary. 'It is what it is. She's a free agent, she had a choice. She's a nice girl.'

Flack pushed himself upright, opening his mouth to reply but shutting it abruptly as the door to the locker room opened and Mac walked in.

If Mac noticed the atmosphere between the two men he didn't show it, instead he looked critically at Danny; 'Well you look better; I take it you got some sleep?'

'Yeah.'

Danny ignored the choking sound from Flack as he met Mac's eyes. Mac nodded, opened his locker, hung up his jacket and then closed it ready to leave.

'I'll see you in the lab in 10 minutes then.'

Once the door was closed Flack lost no time in tackling Danny again.

'So, what are you going to do? Are you going to wait for Lindsay to come back from Montana and try and sort things out or are you going to forget about her and move on?'

Danny scowled; 'Cut to the chase why don't you?'

'Look. It seems to me that you need to decide what you are going to do. If you don't, you're just going to get yourself into an unholy mess. So, what _are_ you going to do?'

The look on Flack's face gave Danny fair warning that his friend had no intention of dropping this subject anytime soon. He sighed and sat down again.

'I don't know. Lindsay was pretty adamant when she left that there was no chance for the two of us, but………'; his voice trailed off as he looked at Flack.

'Do you believe her or do you think she'll change her mind?'

'I don't know; that's the problem. She was upset about the trial when she left. Maybe she has changed her mind since she's arrived in Montana. I don't know.' He couldn't stop the frustration from leaching into his voice.

Flack glanced at the clock and then moved towards the door, stopping as he reached it and turning to face Danny again; 'Call her.'

Danny stood up too, ready to head to the lab, but he paused at Flack's words. 'Huh?'

'Call Lindsay. You can make out that it's just a friendly call to see how she's doing. See how she reacts.'

For a long moment Danny stared at Flack as he recalled Lindsay's face as she climbed into the taxi; resolute, certain that there was nothing between them. But what if she had thought again? What if he called and she was pleased to hear from him? Then, maybe, it would be worth waiting until she came back………..

'Yeah, ok, good idea. I'll call her when the shift's over, see how she reacts.'

Danny enjoyed the surprised look on Flack's face as he walked past him towards the lab. He'd call her………..then he would make his final decision. Wait or move on.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Locker Room - Monday 5:45pm**

Danny stared at the phone in his hand and at the number showing on the screen. He could dial it; he could ask her. There was nothing to lose, and who knew, maybe there was something to gain.

His insides twisted again at the memory of Lindsay's words of just a few moments ago;

'_You're just making this worse; I told you - you need to move on Danny. Don't call me again.'_

Well, Flack had been right; he certainly knew where he stood. He had to accept that waiting for her to come back wasn't going to change anything. He had wanted to know what to do. Well, now he did. He had to move on and maybe, just maybe, there was someone who could help him with that.

He dialled the number and waited. Two rings and she picked up. He heard her laughing as she spoke without bothering to say hello;

'_You know Detective, I think you're worse at these one night stands than I am. I'm pretty certain that you're not supposed to call the next day_.'

The tension started to drain out of him and a smile split his face; 'Technically it wasn't a one night stand – it was two nights and all day Saturday.'

'_Yeah, thanks for the reminder. Will it feed your ego to an unbearable level if I tell you that I'm walking like John Wayne today?'_

'Will it feed yours if I tell you I can't stop myself thinking about you naked?'

'_My, my, Detective Messer, you do know how to smooth talk a lady now, don't you_?

He could still hear the laughter in her voice even through the 'southern belle' impression.

'Well Dr Connor you certainly leave an impression on a man.'

'_Ah, yes, sorry about the bite but you can blame yourself._'

She didn't sound at all apologetic. He fingered the bruise on his collar bone, grinning as he remembered what they had been doing when she had given it to him. Injecting a false note of outrage into his voice he demanded; 'I can blame myself? How do you arrive at that conclusion?'

'_What, I tell you I'm walking like John Wayne and your ego still needs feeding?_

'Hmm, not my ego but I need to eat, when do you get off?'

'_In about 30 minutes._'

'Fancy some Italian?'

'_Yes, but can we eat something first, I'm starving?_'

Her swift come back to his double entendre had him grinning.

'Take out work for you?'


	6. Secrets of the Heart

**Authors Note: **Thanks to **SallyJetson **and **trustno1 1987** for their comments. This is unbeta'd so unfortunately I have no-one to blame for any mistakes except myself, although I do plead jet lag (honest guv!)

To everyone who has reviewed, thank you because they really do warm my heart. Thanks to those of you reading but not reviewing; I hope you continue to enjoy the story. Not too much longer before Lindsay heads back to New York……….

* * *

**Secrets of the Heart**

_The face is the mirror of the mind, and eyes without speaking confess the secrets of the heart _

_– Saint Jerome_

**Monday 10am - Montana**

The rhythmic sweep of the windscreen wipers and the heater turned up to 'high' had finally lulled Lindsay into a doze, her head nodding gently in time to the trucks movements. Doug glanced at her. Sleep had wiped away the agony that had been etched on her face in the cemetery and the warmth inside the truck had bought a tinge of colour to her pale cheeks. He thought she looked twelve years old again.

He glanced at his watch, seeing that they had over two hours before she needed to be at the courthouse. He approached the four way stop, trying to decide whether to drive directly home or whether to take the back road to give her longer to sleep. As he reached his decision his cell phone rang. He checked the caller id before he answered.

'Hi Mom.'

He smiled as he listened to his mother's attempts to hide the worry she was feeling. He glanced again at his baby sister;

'She's dozed off. I'm going to drive the long way home to give her a chance to get some sleep. I'll see you in half an hour or so.'

He shut the cell phone off and took the right hand turning that took him the back way onto their parents' farm.

'Why are we going this way?'

He sighed and turned his head slightly to look at her.

'I thought you were sleeping, and to be honest you look like shit so I thought I'd go the long way around and give you a chance to sleep for longer.'

The ghost of a smile crossed her face at his brutally honest answer.

'Gee thanks Doug, you sure know how to make a girl feel good about herself.'

'Well you do look like shit,' he paused and took another glance at her. She had turned in her seat so she was looking at him and the dark circles under her eyes were clearly visible…..the dark circles under her empty, haunted eyes. 'Look, tell me to butt out if you like, but is there anything else bothering you other than the trial?'

He was acting on his gut but he trusted his gut. He was a prize winning journalist; he wrote for the New York Post, The Washington Times; Time Magazine. He had written all of his best stories based on his gut instinct and at the moment it was telling him that there was something more to all of this than she was saying.

All expression was wiped from her face as she shook her head.

'No.'

She was lying; he knew she was lying because he always had known when she was lying. He mentally shrugged and switched his focus to driving them home, leaving her with her thoughts. He knew when to push to get information……..and this wasn't the time to do it.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Courthouse – Bozeman, Montana**

Doug could feel Kelly's nails digging into his palm as the defence attorney grilled Lindsay. He wasn't sure who he wanted to hit more; the attorney with his innuendo and veiled accusations or the defendant, Karl Gordon, for putting her through this hell. As the ADA objected yet again to the line of questioning, protesting that 'Miss Monroe is not on trial here', he heard Kelly's soft protest.

'Why is he _doing_ this?'

'He's trying to make it look as if Lindsay's screaming startled that scumbag and that made him start shooting; he's trying to get it down to 2nd degree murder at the most and possibly some sort of mitigation based on the balance of his mind being disturbed.'

He pulled his hand free and placed his arm around her shoulder, hugging her to him, wishing he could hug Lindsay. She looked so pale, but her jaw was set and he knew, penny to a Pulitzer, that she wasn't about to crumble.

'It won't work. He doesn't know Lindsay.'

He glanced down at Kelly; her absolute faith in his sister momentarily eased the tension that gripped him, and he smiled at her.

'No, he doesn't, does he.'

The questioning continued. Kelly was twisting in agony in her seat as she listened to Lindsay describe how Nick had come into the coffee shop and how Karl Gordon had shot him and then aimed the gun at her; how a misfire had saved her life; how she had held Nick in her arms as his life ebbed away in a pool of blood on the floor. The defence attorney was throwing all he had at her but she wasn't breaking.

He watched her closely; the intense emotion of that morning, when she had sobbed at Nick's graveside, had been replaced with a cold steely determination that the man responsible for the deaths of her friends would pay for what he had done. To Doug's immense relief, after she had spent what seemed like hours on the stand, her part in the proceedings was finally over and she was dismissed, the judge adjourning until the following day.

He waited for her in the courthouse hallway with Kelly and his parents. She emerged from the courtroom slowly, fiddling with her cell phone, he was sure, to buy a little extra time to compose herself before she joined them. The phone rang and he watched intrigued, his investigative journalists instincts awakened, as she checked the caller ID and then stiffened as she realised who was calling her. She was stopped, turning away from them as she continued to stare at the display. She let it ring several times before she finally answered it.

'Danny.'

He indicated to his parents and Kelly to wait for them in the entrance lobby, and then he approached Lindsay quietly. The rigidity of her shoulders told him all was not well.

'Yes, I've testified.'

'Danny' was obviously speaking because she was silent for a few moments before,

'No, hopefully I won't need to go on the stand again.'

She listened again; whatever 'Danny' was saying was causing her shoulders to hunch, as if she was warding off a blow. Doug could feel a growing desire to reach down the phone and rip 'Danny's' head off, because whatever the jerk was saying was upsetting her.

'It's different Danny. You should be able to understand that -.'

Her voice was louder, colder, but 'Danny' must have interrupted her because she stopped abruptly and listened again, although Doug could tell she wanted to end the call. She was fidgeting from foot to foot as if desperate to get away. As annoyed as he was that 'Danny' was upsetting his sister, Doug's instincts had kicked in – somehow 'Danny' was the 'something else' that was bothering her. Now all he had to do was find out why.

'What is it you want Danny?'

He stilled. She sounded angry but he could hear something else in her voice as well. Sadness? No, not sadness…..irritation coursed through him. He couldn't pin whatever it was down, and he was damn certain it was important.

She sighed and then spoke in a softer tone.

'I know that Danny but I've told you and told you – '

Her hand was white as she gripped the phone, her annoyance at being interrupted again evident. He reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder but she shrugged it off, half turning toward him as she interrupted whatever was being said to her.

'You're just making this worse; I told you - you need to move on Danny. Don't call me again.'

She hit the call end button. Her hand was shaking and tears suddenly filled her eyes; he pulled her to him and she collapsed against his shoulder as she started to sob uncontrollably. He soothed her and held her until her crying subsided.

'Mom, Dad and Kelly are waiting for us.'

He spoke softly and hushed her as she uttered a cry of protest.

'It's OK Linds, I'll tell them to go on home. I'll say that you need some time to yourself. You go in the bathroom and wash your face and I'll meet you out here in a minute.'

He pushed her into the bathroom before she could protest and went to speak to their parents. They were quickly persuaded, and he settled down on a nearby bench to wait for her, his mind working furiously.

He had been abroad for the last two years, working in the Middle East, so he and Lindsay had mainly communicated by email. Now he had time to think, he remembered the name 'Danny' appearing with increasing regularity in her emails to him until a few months ago; until she had told him that Karl Gordon had finally been caught and that she would need to testify at the trial; until she had started to talk about Nick again………….

His thoughts slammed into a brick wall. There was a link here, he knew it, but getting her to talk to him about it would be far from easy. His mind worked furiously as he tried to formulate a strategy to get her to open up to him. The bathroom door opened and she slowly emerged, her face blank, only the red rimmed eyes telling of her recent distress. He stood up, aware he had absolutely no idea what to say to her, deciding that he would have to trust his instincts.

'You OK?'

She nodded but her eyes gave a different answer. He sighed and decided to dive straight in.

'The guy you were talking to on the phone; is he the same guy you told me about?' At her silence he continued, 'you know, the one who nicknamed you Montana, ragged you on your first day, fed you bugs…….that guy. The one whose name was in every email you sent me until Karl Gordon was arrested and you started talking about Nick again.'

She flinched as if he had raised his fist to her but he pushed aside his guilt, certain he needed to push her to talk; that there was more to this than the grief she was feeling.

'Talk to me Lindsay; you can't do this on your own. I can help, you know I can.'

He spoke gently; her face softened and he knew he'd done it. All he had to do now was let her talk.

They began to walk slowly toward the exit as she spoke, hesitantly.

'Danny……..Danny want's us to be more than friends. I thought that it was what I wanted too until I found out about the trial and all these memories of Nick came back and how Kelly and Mrs Wilton blamed me for him dying….or I thought they did, and…..and, I don't know……..it suddenly felt wrong. I tried to tell him we couldn't be anything more than friends; that he needs to move on, but he _wont_.'

The frustration in her voice was obvious but the satisfaction he felt wasn't because she had confided in him, it was because he'd finally realized what the emotion was that he had heard in her voice when she was on the phone, but hadn't been able to pin down; the emotion that had come over loud and clear in her emails when she had written to him about Danny…….

He waited until he was sure she'd stopped talking then put out a hand and stopped her, turning her to face him.

'Linds; why would you want him to find someone else when you're in love with him?'


	7. Secrets and Lies

**Authors Note:** Usual apology for taking so long to get the next chapter out. Now, if I could just find a way of living without an income so I could write whenever I wanted to…………!!!

**SallyJetson** and **trustno1 1987 **both looked over the chapter and both gave me much food for thought, (and **SJ** beta'd as well) - wub to both of you.

Last time I posted a chapter, notifications crashed and so did my internet connection! The result is that I didn't manage to PM anyone to thank them for their reviews so I am issuing a blanket thank you to all those of you who reviewed – I promise I appreciate each and every one of them!

* * *

**Chapter Seven – Secrets and Lies**

_The history of our race, and each individual's experience, are sown thick with evidence that a truth is not hard to kill and that a lie told well is immortal. _

– _Mark Twain_

**New York Lab**

'Sorry, I'm backed up with work for Mac; I'll get to it as soon as I can…..'

Adam's voice trailed away as Danny clapped him on the shoulder

'Hey, don't worry about it, soon as you got the time, OK kid?'

Adam stood and stared as Danny walked away; he would have sworn on a stack of bibles the guy was whistling softly under his breath.

'What the hell….?'

Messer had been like a bear with a sore head since it had been announced that Lindsay was going back to Montana; after she had left, Adam had found it easier to stay off Messer's radar because it didn't seem that it was possible for anyone to do anything right as far as the Detective was concerned. And now he was whistling……cheerfully?

'_Adam_'

'Huh?'

He turned to see Flack and Stella standing staring bemusedly at him. Surprise, and, as he admitted to himself later, a total lack of forethought had him blurt out;

'So whats up with Messer? He getting some action I don't know about?'

Stella's eyebrows shooting to her hair line along with a menacing scowl from Flack told him, if he needed telling, that some things are better thought and never said. It was too late to take it back; Flack took a half step towards him, his face cold.

'I'm going to forget you just said that.'

Adam felt as if a lump the size of a baseball had settled in his throat. He backed rapidly out of the lab.

'Right, er, better get these samples analysed for Mac…..er….'

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Flack cursed softly as Adam left the lab looking as if the hounds of hell were on his tail. He'd have to have a word with Danny, tell him he needed to let Hawkes know what was going on before anyone else started to ask questions……..

'Well?'

_Shit; too late_.

'Well what?'

He tried for the wide eyed, I don't know what you mean look. The expression on Stella's face told him he'd missed by a country mile.

'Why'd you jump down Adam's throat like that?'

She spoke mildly. Flack wasn't fooled. He had excellent instincts; a sixth sense that told him when danger was present; it was never wrong. His sixth sense was telling him that she wasn't about to let this one go. However, loyalty made him try again.

'He's out of order talking about Messer like that.'

_Worth a try anyway_.

The pitying look she shot him told him he needed to try again. He shrugged; he could spend the next couple of hours tap dancing around this in an effort to keep Danny's confidence or he could just cut out next couple of hours of grief and tell her. After all, Danny hadn't asked him to keep it confidential………….

'Messer's sleeping with Hawkes' girlfriend, or ex girlfriend, or friend who happens to be a girl, I'm not too sure……anyway, he's sleeping with her and my guess is that it's extended past being a one night stand.'

Stella's eyebrows couldn't go any higher.

'You sound like you don't approve?'

Flack shrugged irritably; 'I don't; it's way too soon after Lindsay and Hawkes doesn't know what's going on, and….'

'Well I do now'

Stella's head shot around. Flack wanted to the ground to open up and swallow him. Hawkes was standing at the door to the lab, eyes flashing dangerously, his jaw clenched.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**St Vincents ER - Break Room**

'_Hey gorgeous, you up for some more take out tonight? Give me a call and let me know what time you get off.__'_

Lucy smiled as she saved Danny's message before listening to the next one.

'_Hey Luce, it's Sheldon. We never got our night out did we? I__'__m not on tonight so give me a call and maybe we can catch up. There__'__s something I need to talk to you about_.'

She frowned. He sounded funny, an almost forced cheerfulness in his voice. She scrolled quickly through the names and numbers saved on the phone until she reached the entry for Sheldon's cell; she pushed the dial key. Whilst the thought of take out with Danny was very appealing, she needed to find out what was wrong with Sheldon.

'_Hawkes_'

'Hey it's me. I just got your message. Is everything OK?'

There was a slight pause at the other end. Every instinct told her something was wrong.

'Sheldon?'

'_Yeah, sorry, trying to do two things at once here. Everything__'__s fine__'_

'OK……..so how are you doing?'

'_Good, just wondered if you had time for a drink after work?_'

It almost sounded like a challenge. She shook her head, deciding that the lack of sleep recently must be making her hear things.

'Yeah, sure I do. I'm off at 8pm. Where do you want to meet?'

'_Hannigans_?'

'OK, see you around 8:15pm then.'

'_See you then.__'_

He ended the call abruptly. She stood staring at the phone for a moment.

'Dr Connor, we have a head trauma 1 minute out'. Sheldon's strange behaviour was forgotten as work called again.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

'_Hey it__'__s me, you didn__'__t call back_.'

'Sorry, crazy shift. How's your day been?'

'_Long and boring. All paperwork and follow ups, no new case. So have you finished?_'

'Yeah, about 5 minutes ago, I'm just walking out of the ER now. I was going to call you; Sheldon called me and wants to meet for a drink, apparently there is something he wants to talk to me about. I said I'd meet him at Hannigans for a bit. Do you want to do something after?'

'_Sure, come over and we can order in_.'

The suggestive tone in his voice had her smiling, the tension of the day beginning to drain away.

'I'll see you later.'

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Locker Room, New York Lab**

'Messer, wait up.'

Danny turned around as he heard Flack calling to him. He waited for him to catch up, his eyebrow raised questioningly at the urgency in Flack's voice.

'I tried to call you earlier, you didn't call me back.'

Danny's eyebrows disappeared into his hairline. Flack sounded like an outraged wife. He spoke slowly.

'No sorry, some other things to do. What's wrong?'

'Hawkes knows'

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Hannigans Bar**

Hannigans was busy. Lucy paused at the door, letting her eyes adjust to the light as she searched the barroom looking for Sheldon. He was sat at the bar nursing a beer, staring into the middle distance, a grim expression on his face. She headed across the room to where he was sitting.

'Hey'

She slid her arms about him and kissed him briefly on the cheek. He pulled back, his face devoid of expression.

She frowned.

'OK, what's up? You sounded funny on the phone too.'

'Are you screwing Messer?

The shock of his words and the coldness in his face rocked her back on her heels. Shock made her numb, unable to form a response beyond;

'Www…..what?'

The floor felt as if it was tilting and everything that had been feeling so right, so normal, was suddenly feeling anything but.

'You heard me.'

Anger took the place of shock.

'What exactly is your problem if I am?'

He pushed the barstool back violently so that it crashed against the wall behind him.

'Are you stupid? He's using you to get over Lindsay dumping him. Have some self respect for god's sake.'

She was shaking with the shock of his words and his attitude.'

'Self respect? Self respect? What the hell does that mean? He's single; I'm single. We're having some fun. You told me less than two weeks ago that I should have some fun. What precisely has changed?

'I didn't mean with Messer.'

The catch in his voice vaguely penetrated her consciousness but she was too angry to pay attention to this anomaly.

'Why the hell shouldn't it be with Danny?'

'He's a player; he uses women….'

'What the fuck are you talking about?'

Lucy jumped as she heard Danny's voice over her shoulder. She turned to see a pair of very pissed off blue eyes flashing dangerously at Hawkes.

'I mean that you don't care about anyone but yourself. You need to get over Lindsay so you latch onto Luce. You don't care about her; you don't care about what she's been through. You're just trying not to think about Lindsay.'

A tall dark haired man suddenly inserted himself between Danny and Sheldon just in time to stop Danny from flying at Hawkes.

'Come on guys, this is silly.'

Lucy had no idea who he was, but the looks he was shooting at her gave her a fair idea of who he blamed for this.

She stepped back; for the first time she noticed the unhappiness raging in Sheldon's eyes. She caught his eyes with her own and took a deep breath.

'Look; I understand you are concerned for me. I appreciate you caring, but I'm not going to get hurt. Danny told me about Lindsay; I've told him about Josh. We're just having some fun; it isn't serious, is it?'

She turned to look at Danny, silently appealing to him to back her up. For a moment Danny continued to scowl angrily at Hawkes before he reluctantly tore his gaze away and met her eyes. The appeal in them must have moved him because the anger slowly died from his and he swung his gaze back to Hawkes.

'I'm not about to hurt anyone. We get along, we have some laughs. Like she said, I told her about Lindsay.'

Hawkes' face was once again devoid of expression as he let his eyes move back and forth between Danny and Lucy. His jaw tightened imperceptibly and Lucy saw the tall dark haired man nudge him slightly. Hawkes shot him a look before his face became blank and he spoke in an expressionless voice.

'Sorry, long few days.'

He met her eyes briefly. Emotion scuttled across his face, too quickly for her to pin it down. He forced a smile.

'Look, it's none of my business. I'm sorry; I was just worried about you. Guess I should know by now that you can look after yourself, huh?'

She nodded slowly and he stepped back, away from the restraining arm of the dark haired man.

'I'm beat. I'm heading home for some sleep. See you both tomorrow.'

He exchanged looks with the dark haired man and nodded briefly towards Danny without actually looking at him and headed for the exit. Lucy stared after him then started after him, still wanting to know what had caused such a strange outburst from him. Danny caught her arm.

'Leave him.'

She shook his arm off impatiently.

'I'll be back in a minute.'

She stepped past him expecting the dark haired man to move out of her way but he didn't. His face was cold as he stared at her.

'Excuse me _please_.'

Her voice and expression was glacial. He scowled and hesitated for a moment before reluctantly moving to one side.

She ran across the barroom and out onto the street. Sheldon was standing on the sidewalk a few feet away from the entrance, his head tipped back; He was taking some deep breaths.

'Sheldon.'

He shot around at the sound of her voice. Guilt followed by annoyance shot across his face. He looked as if he wanted to walk away but instead remained stationary, waiting for her.

She approached, not at all sure what it was she wanted to say to him. The anger had gone; confusion had taken its place.

'What was that all about?'

His face was expressionless as he took in her obvious confusion.

'You really don't know?'

'No.'

He frowned and shook his head.

'I'm worried about you that's all; Danny has had a rough time of it with Lindsay and I was worried about him hurting you but you say that you know what you're doing…….' He hesitated before he continued, 'Look, forget I said anything. I'm tired and I over reacted. I care about you, that's all.'

She watched him as he spoke; his face suggested sincerity, but his eyes were hooded, some emotion she couldn't pin down hidden in their depths. He forced a smile.

'I really am sorry Luce. I'll give you a call in the next couple of days, maybe we can get that night out?'

She nodded uncertainly as he lent forward and briefly kissed her on the cheek before turning abruptly and heading toward the subway. She stood and watched him until he was swallowed from view.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

'What's your problem?'

Danny was looking seriously pissed off. Flack scowled;

'Look, you and Hawkes work together; he's supposed to be your friend. He's obviously pissed off about you and Dr whoever dating, and that say's to me she hasn't been entirely honest about what's gone on between them in the past. I think you need to talk to him.'

Danny gawked at him before laughing;

'Why would she lie? She tells me that they are just friends and that's all they've ever been and I believe her.'

Flack snorted. In his opinion no-one reacted as angrily as Hawkes had without there being a bit more to it than 'concern'. Danny's face darkened dangerously.

'You know, if you'd kept your mouth shut in the first place he wouldn't have found out.'

'So what, this is just an extended one might stand? You weren't going to tell anyone about it?'

Confusion flickered briefly across Danny's face and he rubbed his head with his hand as he gathered his thoughts.

'I don't know…..well, I mean, I don't know'

Flack sighed; to him Messer had all the signs of a man that was on the rebound but he suspected that pointing this out to him would earn him a fist in the face.

'Just be careful. Lindsay's not been gone long and she'll be back before you know it. Don't get yourself into something you can't get yourself out of'

Danny's face darkened again but before he could reply Flack saw his eyes slide over his shoulder and he guessed that Lucy was returning. He turned as she arrived, taking in the somber expression on her face.

'Hey'

Danny's face lightened as she approached and she smiled at him although it didn't reach her eyes. Flack saw her flick a glance at him; she didn't look overly pleased that he was still there.

'Don't think the two of you have met have you? Flack, this is Lucy Connor, Luce, this is Don Flack'

She nodded briefly in his direction without bothering to meet his eyes; her expression telling him she had picked up on his feeling antipathy towards her. She looked at Danny.

'Can we go?'

Danny hesitated, his eyes swinging between Flack and Lucy. Flack shrugged at him, his face disdainful, still convinced there was more to Hawkes' anger than was immediately apparent. Danny's face darkened again.

'Sure, come on.'

He didn't bother looking at Flack before he followed Lucy out of the bar. Flack watched as Danny caught up to her and caught her hand in his. He didn't miss the slightly surprised look she gave him and wondered at it. He left the bar, a thoughtful look on his face.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Lucy's Apartment**

Danny lay in bed staring at the ceiling, listening to the sounds of Lucy moving about the kitchen. They had stopped off to pick up a take out from Mr Woo's but they hadn't waited to eat it; instead she had attacked him the moment they walked through the door, the takeout left unheeded on the hall table as they had barely made the bedroom.

He stretched, his fingers running carefully over the bite on his neck. It was going to show. The thought of Hawkes noticing and realizing what had caused it floated into his mind and he remembered Flack's words of earlier.

'_She hasn't been entirely honest about what's gone on between them in the past.'_

He wondered if maybe Flack had a point. He sat up and swung his legs to the floor as he heard the ping of the microwave signal that the food had been re-heated and was ready. He decided he'd ask her while they were eating.

He hoped Flack was wrong.


	8. In the Middle of the Night

**Authors Note: **SallyJetson beta'd and encouraged :wub:

Thanks again to everyone who has reviewed :) There's been a lot of angst so far and I appreciate you sticking with it. This should give you some hope for the future :)

* * *

**Chapter Eight – In the Middle of the Night**

_Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence_

– _John Adams_

**Midnight**

_Soft cries mingled with the rhythmic squeak of the bed springs. He knew he couldn't hold on much longer but he wanted to feel her shatter beneath him; hear her cry out his name before he let himself follow her over the edge._

_The tempo of her softly uttered cries changed from indistinguishable murmurings to his name repeated over and over_

_Danny, Danny, Danny_

_Her face was covered in a fine sheen of sweat, her eyes were open and holding his with the intensity of her stare as his name became one long cry of fulfillment. Two more swift thrusts and he followed her, calling her name in turn_

'_Lindsay__'_

He jerked awake, his heart pounding in his ears, his body shaking at the intensity of the dream. He turned his head, panicked in case he had called out, but the figure next to him hadn't moved; her breathing steady; her sleep undisturbed.

He concentrated on his breathing, trying to bring his heart back under control, trying to pretend that the dream meant nothing……….

'_You have to find someone else Danny, you have to move on__'_

He deliberately replayed Lindsay's words over and over in his head in an attempt to find the justification he needed for his actions, but instead of the burning anger; instead of the desire to show her that he could move on; instead, all that he found in their place an emptiness that enveloped him.

A soft murmur escaped the figure lying next to him and she shifted restlessly. He slid from the bed, donning his jeans swiftly, and headed for the kitchen to get himself a drink and to find a calm space where he could think.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

She waited until she heard him leave the room before she opened her eyes and rolled onto her back. His restlessness had woken her and she had watched his face as he was consumed by the dream, wondering what demons he was fighting, until she heard the name on his lips. She had managed to close her eyes and keep her breathing steady so that he wouldn't know that she had heard _her_ name uttered with such passion.

She sat up, trying to decide what to do now. Should she feign sleep and let him decide how to tell her, or should she confront him, force him to acknowledge that this was exactly what Detective whatever and Sheldon believed it to be; a rebound relationship. Guilt that she'd not dealt with this sooner, when she could see him trying to convince himself this was more than it was, forced her into action.

He was in the kitchen, sitting on the window seat, staring down at the street below. His head jerked up as he heard her approach, guilt written in his eyes.

'Sorry, did I wake you?'

She smiled as she nodded; 'yes, that was quite a dream you were having'

The look of horror on his face was almost funny and she had to fight not to laugh aloud.

'Danny, it's OK. I understand, really I do.'

He shook his head stubbornly

'I do care about you, its just taking me awhile…..'

His voice trailed off and he swung his head back so that he was staring down at the street again. She hesitated a moment before heading over and sitting down next to him, close, but not quite touching.

She reached out and gently laid a hand on his shoulder

'Danny, you have to accept that there are some people in our lives that are more important, more special, than others and that for you Lindsay is one of those people. This thing we have is nice, its fun but it can't wipe away the feelings you have for Lindsay. It's exactly what Detective whatever and Sheldon tried to tell you it was; a reaction, a rebound, call it what you will, but that's what it is.'

He swung around, the anger he was feeling showing clearly on his face but he stilled when he saw the understanding, the empathy, on hers.

He shook his head stubbornly, as if trying to dislodge her words, make them untrue.

'So what about you and Josh then? That worked and you admit that started because you were trying to get over some Doctor you were in love with. Why wouldn't this be the same?'

She met the confusion, the hurt and the pain in his eyes steadily.

'OK, if you really want the truth, if Josh hadn't been shipped out two weeks after we met I doubt we would have lasted. The time away gave me the space to deal with how I felt about this other guy without having to pretend to Josh that everything was OK on days when it really wasn't. You don't have that and that's what you need; some space and some time.'

She paused but he didn't speak, the mulish look on his face telling her he still didn't want to accept what she was saying. She sighed and tried again.

'I like you Danny, a lot….'

She stopped, shocked at the look of intense pain that shot across his face at her words.

'What?'

He shook his head and stood up, pain replaced with rage,

'Don't feed me that crap when you're trying to break up with me, and then have the gall to tell me it's for my own good. Christ, can't you at least be honest with me?'

He spat the words viciously at her and she pulled back, alarmed at the intensity of his rage. For a long moment they stayed like that; him towering over her as she sat frozen from the shock of his reaction. He swallowed, the rage dying from his face, embarrassment taking its place.

'I'm sorry, I -'

'What the hell was that about?'

The shock had given way to anger as tiredness and guilt at not dealing with this sooner coursed through her and her tact gave way to ire.

His eyes were giving off sparks but she wasn't in the mood to back down from a fight and when he didn't answer she carried on, her voice raised

'You listen to me and stop with the pity party. I am being honest with you; I do like you - I just wish we'd met a few months down the line when you'd got over being dumped by Lindsay. Then I think maybe we'd have something. As for now, this is a one night stand that's lasted too long. You're not ready to do what you're trying to do and you damn well know it and I won't be your shield against you dealing with your feelings for Lindsay. If you want a friend you've got one; if you want a crutch go find someone else.'

His face darkened with each word she yelled at him but he didn't speak. Instead he turned and walked back to the bedroom. She waited, guessing what was happening. A minute later he walked out, fully dressed but obviously searching for something. She sighed; he didn't look like he'd calmed down at all

'Have you lost something?'

He shot her a contemptuous look but didn't reply. She watched him for a couple of minutes as he searched through the living room, under cushions, under the couch, behind the chair as his frustration grew. She waited until he looked as if he was ready to explode before she asked again

'What is it you've lost Danny?'

'My badge'

He didn't look at her. She walked over and stood in front of him, forcing him to look at her

'Danny, you know I'm right otherwise you wouldn't be so angry with me.'

He scowled at her, turning his head in an effort to avoid her eyes. She stepped closer, so they were inches apart, and placed her hands on either side of his face, forcing him to look at her

'Danny?'

The anger in his eyes blazed a moment longer then, as he saw the pleading in hers, slowly drained away. She slid her arms about his neck and pulled him to her, wanting to take the pain away, knowing that she couldn't. For a moment he stood still, making no move to return the hug, then his arms slid loosely around her waist then after another moment tightened. They stood silently for a minute or two before she loosened her grip and stepped back.

He raised one hand to cup her face, pushing the hair back behind her ear. He lent forward, placing his forehead against hers

'I'm sorry'

He was staring into her eyes and she didn't doubt the sincerity of his apology, nor that it was about more than the angry words of the last few minutes. She smiled at him, her hand gently tracing his jaw line.

'It's OK.'

He kissed her once, softly, briefly and she felt a spark of desire surge through her. She tried to pull away but instead he held her close.

'Once more? Just to say goodbye?'

She knew she should say no…….she knew she was making a mistake.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_Kisses of fire over her stomach, her breasts, her thighs and finally between her legs had her writhing on the bed, calling his name over and over_

_Danny, Danny, Danny_

_His tongue was sending waves of intense heat through her body as she begged him for release. As she reached the edge and waited to fall he stopped, moving slowly up her body until he was poised above her, the intense blue of his eyes pinning her to bed as she tried to reach up to kiss him._

'_I love you cara__'_

_Those words, the ones she knew she had been wanting desperately to hear from him for so long had tears of happiness springing to her eyes. She caressed his face as she whispered back_

'_I l__ove you too, Danny__'_

_He dropped a kiss onto her lips before pulling away again, his face intent, fire glowing in his eyes._

'_Don__'__t ever leave me again. Promise you wont ever leave me__'_

'_I promise. I love you, I just want us to be together, always__'_

_He kissed her with a passion that took her breath away as he entered her, filling her. He led her along a path of pleasure, murmuring to her words in Italian that she did not understand but that she knew were words of love. The feelings built again until she heard herself calling out his name before she was lost in wave after wave of such intense emotion she thought for a moment she would drown. She felt him shudder and lose control; heard him cry out her name._

'_Lindsay__'_

She woke, her heart pounding. She heard a creak as a door opened and light from the hallway flooded into the room.

'Honey, you OK?'

Doug was standing there, concern in his voice. She nodded weakly, her body's reaction to the dream not quite gone, her emotions not yet under control.

'Another nightmare?'

He was worried; she couldn't blame him. She'd lost count of how many nights it had been since she had slept without waking up, crying out about some memory she was reliving; but this was different; this wasn't a memory.

She shook her head, wanting him to go, wanting to re-live every second of the dream she'd just had. He seemed to understand because he nodded and backed out of the room, leaving her to her thoughts and to the realisation that she was ready to go home.

She was ready to tell Danny how she felt; she just hoped that he would listen.

She hoped that he would forgive her.


	9. The Way Home

**Authors Note:** Thank you so much to everyone who's been kind enough to post a review, they really do make my day!

I owe a huge great enormous **thank you** to **SallyJetson. **She's done a serious amount of hand holding while I had to concentrate on marking exam papers, and had to put up with at least one serious whinge from me every day about lack of time to write. As soon as I could get this chapter written she beta'd in record time so I could post. **SJ**, I :wub: you lots.

* * *

**Chapter 9 - The Way**** Home **

_Let me not to the marriage of true minds  
Admit impediments: love is not love  
Which alters when it alteration finds. _

_William Shakespeare_

**

* * *

****Crime Lab**

'We any further forward in identifying our vic?'

Hawkes looked up to see Flack propped against the door to his office.

'No, but Sid's finished the autopsy and under the mess that was his face he's found some recent sutures.'

At the perplexed look that Flack gave him Hawkes grinned and opened the file on the desk in front of him and extracted some autopsy photos.

'Here, just below the hairline, he's had some sutures and they were done in the hours leading up to his death.'

Flack looked thoughtful.

'Well, we found him only two blocks from St Vincents. I guess that'd be the place to start wouldn't it?'

_St Vincents……….Lucy._

The guilt at how he'd avoided her phone calls for nearly three weeks now had Hawkes squirming. He spoke before he had time to talk himself out of what could possibly be a very bad idea.

'Guess so, you want company?'

Flack looked surprised but then comprehension flooded his eyes. After hesitating a moment, he shrugged.

'Actually, I've got more than enough to do. You mind doing this on your own?'

* * *

**St Vincents ER**

The ER was busy when he arrived. He navigated his way to the front desk.

'Fill this in; a nurse will assess you for triage. If you aren't assessed as an emergency then you should expect at least a 4 hour wait'

The harassed receptionist shoved a clip board at him without even looking up.

When he didn't take it she looked up, annoyance showing until she saw the badge he held out. She raised an eyebrow, looking unimpressed. He held the photo of the vic towards her.

'I need to find out if this man was treated here two nights ago and, if he was, I need to talk to the Doctor who treated him.'

Without bothering to look at the photo the receptionist pressed a buzzer and the door next to her slid open. He stepped through it, breathing in the scent of the ER, a rush of memories flooding him. The receptionist leant back in her chair, gesturing toward the admin area containing a large whiteboard covered in indecipherable scribble which displayed, in code, the patient, their diagnosis and their location.

'Ask Paula, she'll be able to help you,' she indicated toward a large, imposing looking woman, who stood behind the desk.

Paula looked up when he arrived, her eyes noting the badge he held. She studied the photo he showed her for a few moments before frowning.

'When do you think he was here?'

'Probably in the hours leading up to 2am yesterday morning. The autopsy suggests the sutures were done only a few hours before he died.'

She nodded abstractedly as she began searching through some computer records. Hawkes let his eyes wander, trying to pretend he wasn't looking for Lucy. He had no idea what he would say to her if he did see her; he admitted to himself she'd have every right to be pissed at him after he'd ignored four phone calls from her since her break-up with Danny.

His eyes alighted on the whiteboard as he remembered that her last call had been over a week ago now………….the names of the Doctors were displayed with a cross of a tick next to their names to indicate if they were on duty or not. There was a large red cross next to Lucy's name.

'We have a number of patients who had sutures done that night,' he glanced back at Paula, trying to ignore the disappointment that surged through him at the sight of that large red cross. She was still staring fixedly at the screen as she continued, 'but only two that fit the timeframe and were white males of approximately the right age.'

'Great, do you have their names and who treated them?' That at least was potentially good news.

Paula was staring past him.

'Doctor Evans……this detective needs to speak to you.'

Hawkes tried to contain his disappointment. He knew it was a long shot but he had hoped that Lucy had been one of the Doctors involved. It would have given him the opportunity to see her, speak to her; tell her he was sorry for being such an ass.

He shook hands with the young doctor and showed him the photo of the victim.

'Did you treat this man two nights ago?'

Doctor Evans peered at the photo for a moment then nodded.

'I remember him, he was definitely here that night, but it wasn't me that put the sutures in.'

Hawkes nodded,

'OK, well if you have a name for him and the name of who did suture him…'

Actually, my attending did the sutures. I had the opportunity to observe some emergency surgery so she said she'd finish up.'

His gut tightened.

'OK, well, who is your attending?'

'That would be me, _Detective._'

He swung around at the sound of her voice, the trace of sarcasm it contained not lost on him.

'Well, in that case Doctor, I need a moment of your time……...'

His voice trailed away as he took in her appearance. She looked dreadful. Hawkes stared at her in astonishment. Hair that needed washing was scrapped back from her face which was pale and drawn. Dark circles surrounded eyes that he was sure had been crying in the not too distant past.

'Luce, you look awful.'

The words had left his mouth before he could stop them. She flinched as if he had struck her and he reached out in mute apology, but stopped as she took a step back, shaking her head.

'Not here and not now. I have to be upstairs for a meeting with the Board in the next five minutes.'

'When then, because we need to talk.' He wasn't talking about the case now. Something was wrong, he knew it.

She obviously understood because tears filled her eyes. She blinked them away furiously and looked away.

'I'll be finished by 4pm……………….'

'We're going to need a statement so I could come and get you and then maybe we could go and get a coffee after.'

He held his breath, waiting for her to tell him to go to hell but instead she nodded, distractedly.

'Sure, whatever. I'll call when the meeting has finished. In the meantime I'm sure Paula can let you have the name and address we have on file'

He drove back to the office, his emotions churning. She looked awful. She hadn't looked that bad after Josh died. Maybe she had really cared about Danny; maybe this was because she was having a hard time with the break-up. He offered up a silent prayer that if that was the reason that he would be able to hide his feelings well enough to be able to be a good friend to her. He glanced at the clock and sighed. It was going to be a long day.

* * *

**Flight NW 1270**

Lindsay shifted in her seat, trying to get comfortable. She glanced at her watch; another hour and they would be landing at Newark; another hour and she'd be home.

'………_we find the defendant guilty of five counts of murder in the first degree and one count of attempted murder in the first degree_………'

Those words had handed her back her life. Those words plus weeks of therapy……………..

She sighed and turned her head to look at the figure sleeping peacefully beside her. He'd been the person who'd forced her to face the fact that she needed help, needed to work through the events of the past. He'd also been the one who'd bullied and harried her into attending the sessions and also the one who'd been there when she'd woken up screaming with the nightmares. And he'd been the one who'd made her face up to how she felt about Danny….

She turned her head and stared out of the window, a soft smile playing about her lips as she replayed, yet again, the dream that she'd first had two weeks ago and which had returned nightly since then. If he kissed even half as well as he did in the dream…………..

She shivered in anticipation, her belief that maybe there was still a chance for them to sort things out buoyed by the conversation she'd had with Stella just a few days ago.

'…_..so, so as soon as the sentencing is done I'll be back.'_

'_That's wonderful news Lindsay, we've all missed you'_

'_I've missed you all too……..how is Da…..everyone?'_

'_Everyone is fine………..'_

_Stella hesitated. Lindsay jumped in before she could think too hard about what she was about to ask._

'_How's Danny?'_

_A pause and a sigh then Stella spoke slowly_

'_Lindsay, don't tell me if you don't want to, but how were things between you two when you left?'_

_Lindsay bit her lip trying to decide whether to be honest…………decision made she spoke quickly before she could change her mind, sensing that Stella knew something._

'_I told him I could never be with him. I told him to find someone else.'_

_Silence again then she heard Stella let out a long breath and somehow she knew……_

'_He's been seeing someone else hasn't he?'_

_Her stomach was a tight knot and she could hardly breathe as she waited for Stella to speak again_

'_Well, he was, but it didn't last long. Flack's convinced it was a rebound thing and he's been as miserable as sin since.'_

'_Because it didn't work out?'_

_The words were torn from her. Stella spoke quickly_

'_No….no, sorry….I mean he's been miserable because he's missing you so much…and he's fallen out with Hawkes too………'_

Even days later she could still feel the relief that had crashed over her at Stella's words; he was missing her; he was _miserable_ because he was missing her. For the thousandth time she replayed the news that he'd seen someone else and realized that it didn't hurt as badly as she'd expected it to.

'You OK?'

She looked around to see Doug was awake, his eyes searching her face, almost as if he could guess what she was thinking.

She grinned gleefully at him and his expression changed, a grumpy look appearing as she spoke brightly, her voice deliberately light and girly

'I'm fine, _Douggie_.'

'Leave it out Linds'

She grinned at his discomfort. A wry smile split his face.

'That's the last time I ever tell you anything about my…….'

'Conquests, love life, _girlfriends_?'

He shook his head, trying to look annoyed but failing miserably.

'She's not a girlfriend she just……'

'….has aspirations?'

Lindsay finished for him, determined to get as much leverage as possible out of the phone call she'd taken for him the previous day. He'd never spoken much about his girlfriends and she knew her mother had all but given up hope of him providing her with grandchildren; wistfully certain that, at the age of 37, he was unlikely to settle down; too fond of his nomadic lifestyle to trade it in for a wife and children.

He shrugged, a smug look on his face. All her life she'd watched women throw themselves at him, his lazy smile, square jaw, broad shoulders and rugged good looks working like a charm on women of all ages. Eight years separated them in age but she knew she'd never felt closer to him than she had these last few weeks.

And now he was coming to New York and she suspected it had a lot to do with her foolish disclosure of the conversation she'd had with Stella. His habitual relaxed demeanor had disappeared when she mentioned that Danny had been seeing someone else. It had been the following day when he'd told her he'd extended his leave of absence and was thinking about finally writing the book he'd always wanted to write. So here he was, about to take up residence on her couch.

'So, any plans for later? Thinking of catching up with some of your friends?'

His casual tone didn't fool her. She knew he was asking if she was planning on seeing Danny. She shrugged, and saw the suspicion in his eyes. She sighed; it was going to be hard work to convince her brother that she loved Danny Messer and that they belonged together…harder she suspected than convincing Danny. She tipped her head back and closed her eyes as the plane began to drop rapidly toward the runway as she allowed herself to remember the dream again and to begin to plot how to turn it to reality.

* * *

**A/N 2: **OK, for those of you frustrated at how long it's taken for Danny and Lindsay to get together you'll be pleased to know that Lindsay's time spent plotting and planning is all to good effect……as you'll find out in chapter 10 :) 


	10. Revelations

**Authors Note: **Big thank you to **SallyJetson** for the beta, and the translation from English (UK) to English (USA)!!

A special thank you to anyone who has left a review; they mean a lot :)

* * *

**Chapter Ten**** – Revelations**

_Absence is to love what wind is to fire;_

_it extinguishes the small, _

_it enkindles the great._

_Comte DeBussy-Rabutin_

_Click_

A sitcom. He hated sitcoms.

_Click_

A political talk show. The sitcom was starting to look good.

_Click_

M.A.S.H. How many times has he seen this one already?

_Click_

A replay of the Yankees v's the Cubs. That'll do.

He slumped on the couch staring sightlessly at the action on the screen. Friday evening and the weekend stretched unappealingly ahead of him. Not only that, but he knew she'd be back on Monday and he had no idea how he was going to cope with having her so close but not able to touch her.

He stood up and started pacing; he didn't want to be in, alone, with nothing but regrets to keep him company. His gym bag was by the front door; he paused and contemplated hitting the gym and working out until he was so tired that he'd sleep, preferably without dreaming. The walls were closing in on him and the need to escape was overwhelming. He turned off the TV, grabbed his bag and opened the door….

'Lindsay'

Her arm was raised, about to knock on his door. He stared open mouthed at her, hardly able to believe that she was standing in front of him.

'Danny'

She stepped forward and he found her in his arms. They tightened around her as he buried his face in her hair, breathing in her scent, unable to believe she was really here.

She pulled back but she didn't move from his embrace and her arms remained around his waist.

'Were you going out?'

He stared blankly at her for a moment before he remembered the gym bag, now abandoned on the floor next to him.

'No..I mean yes, but only to the gym………'

He found himself completely tongue tied. There was so much he wanted to say; that he loved her; that he was sorry; that he'd wait as long as she needed him to; that she was all he wanted.

She was searching his face, a gentle smile curving her lips. He realised it had been a long time since he'd seen her smile like that. He tightened his arms around her.

'God Lindsay, it's good to see you.'

Her smile widened and the temptation to kiss her overwhelmed him. For a moment all he could think about doing was dropping his mouth on to hers, imagining the feeling of her lips beneath his…….

Her pupils dilated and she pressed herself against him, her lips parting invitingly. Their mouths were mere inches apart when reality crashed over him. He pulled back slightly and saw the regret in her eyes.

'Lindsay, we need to talk; there's something I need to tell you'

The words were pulled painfully from him. He knew that once he'd confessed there was every chance the smile would leave her eyes; that she would walk away and he would have blown his last chance with her. He didn't want to tell her but he couldn't bear for her to find out from anyone else.

She stepped back. She was still smiling as she nodded.

'We do need to talk; there's something I need to tell you too.'

* * *

Flack stared impatiently at his watch, clearly wanting to get this over with and get away for the weekend.

'What time did she say she'd be here?'

Hawkes shrugged, 'She said the meeting had just finished and that she'd grab a cab and be here as soon as she could. She should be here any minute.'

Before Flack could reply the door opened and a uniformed officer appeared.

'Detective Flack, I have Dr Connor here to see you.'

The uniformed officer stood to one side. Lucy walked into the interview room looking, if possible, worse than she had earlier. Hawkes saw the surprise on Flack's face as he took in her appearance and then his look of enquiry as he swung to face him. Hawkes ignored the question in Flack's eyes as he pulled out a chair for Lucy. She smiled briefly in his direction without quite meeting his eyes.

'Er, well thanks for coming in Doctor Connor. I just need a witness statement from you. As I understand it you treated this man late on Wednesday night?'

Flack pushed the picture of their victim across the desk towards her. She looked at the photo for a moment, taking in the marks on his face before she spoke.

'Yes but he didn't have any of these marks on his face when I treated him. All he had was this deep laceration in the hairline above his right eye.'

She pointed to the wound on the picture. Flack nodded.

'Did he say anything about how he had cut his head?'

Lucy sat back in her seat and met Flack's eyes for the first time as she shook her head.

'There's very little I can tell you Detective. I only saw him for the few minutes it took to suture his wound. What I can tell you is that he had an excellent grasp of broad Anglo Saxon and had difficulty understanding the meaning of the word 'no''.

Hawkes snorted and even Flack's face cracked into a slight smile.

'OK……..and by that you mean…..'

'He swore a lot and didn't seem to understand that I wasn't interested in sharing a bottle of wine with him at any point in the future.'

'He asked you out?'

She shrugged, looking uncomfortable.

'If you can call it that. In the end he got the message, told me it was my loss and left once I'd signed the discharge papers. He was on his cell phone when he left arranging to meet someone.'

Flack looked interested.

'He was on a cell phone?'

She nodded. Hawkes looked at Flack, knowing he was thinking the same thing he was; they hadn't found a cell phone.

Flack stood up.

'I appreciate you coming in Doctor Connor. If I have any more questions is it OK if I contact you at the hospital?

She didn't reply, just nodded and Hawkes ushered her out of the room, less interested in the case now and far more interested in finding out what was wrong. They travelled down to the ground floor in silence. As they exited the building she stopped, causing him to stop too and look enquiringly at her.

'Sheldon I don't think I'm up to going out but……..but if you don't mind we could go back to my place…..' she bit her lip, and he remained silent, sensing the turmoil within her. She met his eyes for the first time that afternoon. 'I need someone to talk to….I need some help…'

She reached her hand out towards him then started to withdraw it. The look in her eyes was alarming him. He reached out and caught her hand.

'Lucy, what's wrong?'

Tears sprang into her eyes and she shook her head.

'Not here Sheldon, please'

The pleading in her voice only deepened his concern.

The journey back to her apartment was made in silence, and she sat with her head turned away from him. She didn't look at him in the elevator and opened the door to her apartment and walked in ahead of him, heading for the large window seat in the kitchen. He pushed the door closed and noticed that she flinched as it banged shut.

He closed the difference between them and then gently placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her to face him. Tears were pouring down her face and she was making no attempt to stop them.

'Lucy, what ever it is we can sort it out. Just tell me…….. please?'

For the longest moment their eyes held each others before she spoke,

'I'm pregnant.'

She broke down completely as he held her; his mind a whirl as he tried and failed to find the words to comfort her.

* * *

'….and so that's why I behaved like I did; that's why I pushed you away.' Soft brown eyes met his, asking for him to understand.

He caught her hand to stop her pacing up and down.

'Lindsay, I, I…….I don't know what to say. If I'd known I wouldn't have been such a jackass, I wouldn't have pushed you so hard. You don't owe me an apology.'

Her smile warmed the frozen depths of his heart and had him pulling her to him. She came without protest, moving eagerly into his embrace as she slid her hands around his neck, her fingers tangling in his hair as she moved closer, her face angling, inviting him to kiss her.

He was so tempted; even if it was just once that he tasted her…….but he didn't want it to only be once, and so he had to tell her now……..

He stepped back, and shook his head.

'There's something I have to tell you…..I can't let anything happen until you know…….'

'About Lucy?'

Her words acted like a blow, nearly doubling him up with shock.

'Who…how…..how do you know about Lucy?'

'I spoke to Stella – I asked if you were seeing anyone. She told me you had been but that it was over.'

He stared at her, his eyes searching her face for some clue to how she felt about this. His brain was working slowly but one thought pushed its way to the front.

She'd known about Lucy before she arrived here tonight.

He stepped towards her and she matched him, closing the gap between them and sliding her arms around his waist

'Danny, I'm not angry. Nothing had happened between us and I was the one who told you to find someone else.'

She smiled impishly at him and he finally started to relax, finally started to believe that maybe things would be OK……….

'Lindsay, I……

She placed her fingers on his lips to silence him, her eyes dancing with amusement.

'Danny, we can talk some more later. Right now I thought you might like to show me how much you've missed me?'

He needed no further encouragement. He dropped his head and captured her mouth with his. His hands slid into her silky soft hair and he gently cradled her head as he deepened the kiss, her mouth yielding instantly to the pressure he applied.

Tongues tangled as the kiss deepened again. Her hips pushed against his and his control started to slip. One hand dropped and pulled her shirt from her jeans as her hands slid beneath his shirt, her fingers brushing lightly over his chest sending waves of longing through him that had his knees trembling with the effort of staying upright.

She stepped back, leaving him breathless and bereft until she held her hand out to him and slowly started backing towards the bedroom. The step he took towards her was an involuntary reaction to the desire raging in him before a tiny voice buried deep inside of him began to nag remorselessly. He fought a silent war as she pulled him towards the bed……

'No.'

She looked shocked and then hurt.

He pulled her to him, cradling her face.

'Lindsay, I want this….I _really_ want this but I don't want to rush and then……..I………you're too important to me. If you want to wait then………..' his voice trailed away as the jumble of emotions led to a confusion of words.

Her face relaxed and the smile returned. She pushed him gently so that he sat down suddenly on the bed. Before he could react she was astride him; he gritted his teeth, uncertain that his desire to get this right, not to mess up the best thing that had ever come his way was going to withstand her sitting in his lap, smiling that smile and moving her hips like that……

He groaned, and she laughed softly.

'Danny, I understand, really I do but don't you think we've waited long enough?'

He gasped as she moved her hips again. If she was going to put it like that who was he to disagree?

She moved her head so that it was alongside his ear, her breath sending the most exquisite sensations through him as she murmured softly.

'I know you have the weekend off….I thought -'

He didn't wait to find out what she thought. All restraint gone, he twisted so that she landed on the bed beneath him. She arched her back as he trailed kisses along her jaw bone and down her neck. Clothes disappeared as passion ignited. He groaned as her nails raked his back. Their mouths and hands explored until he could bear it no longer and he entered her, feeling her tighten around him, her nails and mouth marking him, claiming him as her own. He had no doubts; he knew that this was where he belonged….where they both belonged. Passion intensified until it exploded.

After, as she lay sleeping in his arms, he thanked his lucky stars that she was here, that she had forgiven him. He promised himself that he would do everything in his power to make sure that nothing would ever come between them again.

* * *

**A/N: **Well, they are back together……does it seem like it was all too easy? 


	11. Rolling the Dice

**Authors Note: **This chapter concentrates on what happened after Lucy's revelation to Hawkes in chapter 10. There is no Danny or Lindsay but they do get the next chapter to themselves…..and Danny gets to meet Doug…………!!

Some thank you's………to **SallyJetson** for her unceasing encouragement and her wonderful beta'ing; to **notesofwimsey** for the encouragement to write this chapter and **Elainhe** for looking it over for me when my confidence was flagging!!

**Chapter 11**** – Rolling the Dice**

_Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice. _

_It is not a thing to be waited for; it is a thing to be achieved._

_William Jennings Bryan_

His mind was jumping from past to present and then back to the past again in a continuous, uncontrollable blur. He rolled onto his back and lay staring up at an unfamiliar ceiling as he fought to gain control of his thoughts and emotions, unaccustomed to not being able to call upon logic and reason at will.

His thoughts shifted uncontrollably again, spinning back in time to when they had first met.

_Excuse me, is this seat taken?_

_Hawkes looked__ up from the textbook he was studying prior to the lecture starting and reluctantly gave his attention to the woman who stood next to him._

_Beautiful green eyes set in a heart shaped face, framed by long brown hair, were looking hopefully at him. He jumped to his feet. _

'_Er…yes…Ah, I mean no, no the seat isn't taken.'_

_She smiled at him, her eyes dancing, as he stepped back so she could slide across and sit down. He re-took his seat looking at her curiously; she didn't strike him as the type who chose to sit on the front row. He knew he was, and didn't have a problem with the accusations of being a geek that went with it. As far he was concerned he was here to learn; his social life happened outside of the lecture theatre._

_She held her hand out._

'_Hi, I'm Lucy Connor.'_

_He took her hand; her fingers felt cool in his grasp, her skin soft._

'_Sheldon Hawkes.'_

_She smiled again and he found himself smiling back; a tingling warmth spreading through his body. For the longest moment her hand remained in his before he remembered and reluctantly let it go._

'_So what do you make of all of this so far?'_

_She was digging books and a note pad out of her bag as he answered._

'_Yeah, good so far but I can't wait to get into the hospital.'_

_She looked up, laughing._

'_A man after my own heart……………..'_

Hawkes groaned. He could still remember the feel of her hand in his, the smell of her perfume and the clothes she'd been wearing. He'd known within a heartbeat that he was attracted to her; he'd known within an hour that he'd utterly lost his heart to her.

He knew she hadn't seen him the same way. As far as she was concerned they were friends; good friends, even best friends, but still 'just' friends.

When he had met her he had still been dating Michelle. Michele had been sweet and gentle and perfectly suited to her career as a kindergarten teacher. She'd always known what she wanted; finish school, get a job, support him through his medical training and, when he was earning enough, get married and then start a family.

The relationship had limped on until he'd started his first residency. He'd known in his heart of hearts that it should have ended, that there was no future for them, but it had been his defence against his feelings for Lucy. He wouldn't cheat on a woman, so by continuing his relationship with Michele he didn't have to admit that he wanted more than Lucy's friendship.

Until, of course, it reached the point where Michele was expecting an engagement ring and he'd finally had to tell her that he didn't love her. He cared for her, he cared a lot, but it wasn't a basis for a marriage, not a happy one anyway. So he'd ended it and finally faced the fact that he couldn't hope to move past his feelings for Lucy unless he told her; until he heard it from her lips that there was no hope for them.

Artificial courage had been called for and so he'd hit the bar one night, hoping to see her in there, hoping to find the courage and the words to tell her how he felt. But she'd had to work a double shift and he'd drunk too much and somehow he'd ended up having the one and only one night stand in his life. He supposed it was lucky that it had been with Emily. Straight talking, take what you want and don't make excuses, Emily. Lucy's roommate, Emily.

Emily had been the one who'd finally convinced him that he should tell Lucy how he felt, persuading him that even the vague possibility that she might feel the same as he did was worth the risk of rejection, and so he'd tried to find her, only to discover she had gone back to Washington DC for the weekend to see her family. She'd arrived back on the Sunday night having met Josh, and that had been that.

There had been girlfriends; he wasn't in Flack and Messer's league but there had been girlfriends. Some had been short lived relationships, some longer, a couple almost qualifying as serious, but none of them had been Lucy and he'd long since accepted that he was unlikely to meet anyone who made his heart quicken like she did; who made him feel happy just by smiling at him.

After Josh died he'd been there for her and they had been closer than ever. When she had told him she'd taken the attending's role in St Vincents, rather than any of the other offers she'd received, he'd allowed himself a moment to hope that maybe, just maybe, there could be a chance for him.

Then he'd been asked by Mac to cover Messer's shift.

His gut knotted painfully as he remembered asking Messer to go and let Lucy know he couldn't meet her that night. He'd never been one for 'if onlys' but he knew he'd give just about anything he owned to be able to re-wind time and do things differently.

He sat up, all hope of sleep abandoned. He shouldn't have been angry with her; she had been right – she and Messer were both single, and she deserved some fun after all she'd been through, but he hadn't been able to look at Messer since without wanting to plant a fist in his face. Seeing him miserable because he was missing Lindsay hadn't prompted any feelings of empathy but rather a grim sense of satisfaction that he now knew how it felt to want someone who didn't want you.

'_I'm pregnant'_

His heart twisted as he remembered her misery. He'd held her while she'd cried and cried, until she could cry no more. Then he'd put her to bed, sitting with her until she'd finally fallen asleep, before crashing out in her guest room but sleep had been elusive.

He glanced at the alarm clock. 5:23am. He decided to get up and get a glass of water. The idea that had been nagging at him all night surfaced again; and again he dismissed it as crazy ….but it wouldn't go away.

He was half way to the door when he heard the unmistakable sounds of someone throwing up. He moved quickly to her room, pushing the door open cautiously. The room was empty but the door to the bathroom was open and he could hear her retching.

She was kneeling on the floor, clutching the toilet seat, eyes closed, face pale as she recovered from the latest round of vomiting.

He slid down next to her, pulling her gently to him. She went unresistingly, curling herself limply into the cocoon of his body.

'When did the sickness start?'

She didn't move, her answer muffled by his chest

'Monday.'

Her body tensed and a whimper escaped her. He moved her so she could reach the toilet again as her body spasmed and she retched again. He gathered her hair back and held it away from her face as his other hand gently rubbed her back. When this round subsided he filled a glass with water so she could drink.

Five more times the routine repeated itself until, finally, it was over. He turned the shower on, got her a clean towel and left her; heading to the kitchen to make toast, apparently the only food she could hold down in the morning. The coffee pot looked inviting but he knew strong smells were the last thing her delicate stomach would need at the moment.

She emerged from the bathroom, her hair damp and hanging about her face, in clean sweat pants and a t shirt, looking calm. He indicated toward the table where some dry toast and water was waiting for her.

She didn't sit down; instead she came around the table and hugged him, resting her head on his shoulder. His arms tightened involuntarily around her as she murmured,

'Thank you'

It felt so right to hold her in his arms; so right it was scary. He'd hugged her a thousand times but never when she'd been so vulnerable, so needy, and having her needing him was a heady feeling.

He pulled her down onto his lap and again, she went without resistance, curling herself up into a ball, her head resting in the crook of his neck.

'You want some toast?'

She shook her head. He moved her slightly so she was balanced on his knees before he reached for the glass of water and held it to her lips. She moved her head and allowed him to pour the liquid into her mouth, drinking until the glass was empty.

For a while they sat in companionable silence until he had to ask….had to know,

'So what do you want to do now?'

She sighed and slowly picked her head up and looked at him, her eyes murky and unreadable.

'I don't know………I…….I thought about an abortion but………….,' she looked away for a moment, the beginnings of tears evident before she met his gaze again, 'I ..I don't think I can.'

She was pleading for him to understand….a small part of him wondered why his approval was so important.

'Shhhh, its ok, I understand.'

Her face relaxed slightly before the distress returned.

'I'm scared Sheldon. I'm scared of doing this by myself. I know it sounds weak and pathetic….'

He shook his head, stopping her words.

'No it doesn't. Who would want to do this by themselves? But you don't have to; I'm here.'

She smiled sadly, one hand briefly stroking his face before it dropped to her lap again.

'I know, but…..' she stopped and shrugged.

The idea surfaced again. He knew it was crazy but some madness was infecting him, buoyed by the feelings surging through him as he held her in his arms.

'Marry me'

She stilled, her eyes locked on his, the shock of his words leaving her unable to speak. He pressed on, wanting to let her know how he felt. He knew she'd say no, but the need to tell her was overwhelming even as his stomach twisted painfully in anticipation of her rejection.

'I love you, I always have. I've wanted to tell so often and every time something has happened. The night Danny came to the bar to give you the message I had to work……….I was planning on telling you then.'

A soft cry escaped, her hand clamped to her mouth, her eyes distressed. He stopped, not wanting to upset her, his heart crumbling as he realised he'd rolled the dice and lost.

She slid off his knee and headed to the window, her body bent forward, her arms hugging herself in a useless attempt to ward off the distress his words had caused her. He stood up, aware only of the crushing sense of loss.

'I'm sorry…….I shouldn't have said anything………….I'm sorry -'

'Do you mean it?'

Her back was still to him but her words cut off his apology. He took a deep breath.

'Yes, yes I mean it.'

She tipped her head back as she took a deep breath.

'Look, if you want me to go……'

'No'

He stilled at the certainty in her voice. She turned to look at him; her face was a mixture of emotions that he couldn't decipher

When?'

'When what?' he was confused

'When did you realise you loved me?'

He took a deep breath as he prepared to lay his heart bare.

'I think if I'm honest it was the first time I saw you. I can remember the feel of your hand in mine; the perfume you were wearing; the shirt you had on –'

'You had that blue sweater on; the one you lent to me and I spilled juice down so you had to throw it away.'

He stared at her; she stepped towards him as she continued, 'I told you that you were a man after my own heart and you said……'

'Well, I'm sure I'm just one of the crowd'

She was smiling as he repeated his words back to her.

'Yes. I thought you were.-'

'Cheesy?' He couldn't stop himself.

She shook her head, her eyes not leaving his.

'No, I thought you were gorgeous……….I still do.'

Silence hung between them. For one wild moment he had hope but……..

'There's a 'but' coming, isn't there?'

She closed the gap between them so that she was standing only inches away from him.

'No….no there isn't a 'but.''

He couldn't breath as he stared at her, not sure he had understood what she was saying. Tears trembled in her eyes as she waited for him to say something, but he was tongue tied. She reached out for him,

'I didn't know Sheldon…..I never imagined……….'

He stepped forward and gently cradled her face in his hands fastening his lips onto hers. The kiss was soft; gentle; speaking of love and loss; of fear and hope. Eventually, reluctantly, he broke away, sliding his arms around her and holding her close.

She rested her head against his chest briefly before she raised it again, meeting his gaze with troubled eyes.

'Sheldon……..I…I can't let you do this.'

'Do what? Love you? Want to help you? Want to be with you?

The baby ….Danny's baby……….I don't see how…'

'You think I can't love the baby because it's Danny's?'

'She nodded, her eyes fixed on his, searching them for any hint that the words on his lips were a lie. He spoke urgently, knowing that his happiness hung on the next few moments.

'The baby is yours and past that I don't care. I won't lie; I'd prefer it if it were mine but I'll love it anyway because I love you and I want us to be a family. I love you Lucy and nothing will change that; nothing; certainly not Danny Messer.'

He stopped and waited; waited to find out if he'd managed to convince her to trust her heart to him; if he'd managed to convince her that they belonged together.


	12. In the Cold Light of Day

**Authors Note: **As always, huge thanks to **SallyJetson **for the beta and the encouragement -**wub you**

I should have replied to everyone who reviewed – if I haven't I apologize! As promised this is D/L all the way!!

* * *

**Chapter 12 – In the Cold Light of Day **

_Happiness is nothing more that good health and a bad memory_

_- Albert Schweitzer_

* * *

She woke after a night of restless sleep; sleep disturbed by dreams of Danny with another woman; another woman whose face remained shielded, frustratingly, from her view.

He was lying on his side, facing towards her. She lay for a while just watching him, fascinated by the twitches his face made in response to the dream he was having, hardly able to believe she was here, with him. She'd come so close to losing him.

Dreams. Nightmares.

The memory of her dream returned and her frustration intensified. She wanted to know; she _needed_ to know.

The temptation to reach out and touch him, to wake him, to demand to know, was growing with every passing moment. Her hand moved of its own accord, reaching out to him, then stopped a hairsbreadth away from his face as doubt assailed her. She slowly withdrew her hand and instead slipped from the bed, pulling on one of his T shirts before heading into the living room.

The lights from the street outside cast an eerie light, making familiar objects seem strange and unrecognizable. In her mind her dreams had gained a life of their own and now all she could see were images of Danny with another woman. But the picture remained infuriatingly incomplete. Was she blonde or brunette? Tall or short?

The questions hurtled through her mind as she pictured them lying on the couch watching TV; making breakfast together in the kitchen; making love together in his bed…….

'Lindsay?'

His voice sounded uncertain; worried. She turned to see him standing hesitantly in the doorway, watching her carefully; his eyes betraying his thoughts.

She turned away, her eyes drawn again to the couch and the ghostly images she could see there.

'What colour is her hair?'

He was silent and she turned to look at him.

'What colour is her hair?'

She was aware of the urgency in her voice; it mirrored the increasingly desperate need to know.

'Brown...a bit darker than yours. Why are you asking?'

The words were torn reluctantly from his lips; they ended in a note of pleading; the wariness in his eyes growing as he took in her restless pacing up and down.

'Because I need to _know_. Because all I can see in my head are images of you with her and I need to know what she looks like, what she does, why _her._'

She turned to face him again, her eyes challenging him to argue. He didn't; instead he looked resigned, weighed down with guilt that his actions were causing her so much distress.

Her voice softened as she continued; 'and because she's the woman before me and women need to know these things...I need to know.'

He sighed and walked towards her, stopping just short of her. 'OK, well, what do you want to know?'

'How tall is she?'

He regarded her thoughtfully for a moment; 'a couple of inches taller than you maybe? Not tall.'

_So, brown hair close to my colour; height about my height_

What does she do?

'She's an ER attending at St Vincent's

_Smart then. Would I have felt better if she'd been dumb?_

How old is she?

He shrugged. 'I honestly don't know. I didn't get to the point of asking but she was at medical school with Hawkes so I guess about the same age, maybe a year or two younger.'

_Medical school with Hawkes...Stella said something about her being a friend of Hawkes _

Is she pretty?

He hesitated and she felt a stab of something she recognized as jealousy twist in her gut. She couldn't stop herself...

'Beautiful?'

The frustration was evident on his face as he spoke urgently.

'Lindsay she's a lot of things; she's smart, she's beautiful; she's a nice person but it's what she _wasn't_ that mattered the most. She wasn't _you._'

His words stopped her in her tracks. She met his eyes and was shocked by the guilt she could see there. She closed the gap between them, reaching for him and finding herself caught fiercely in his arms.

'Lindsay...if...if you regret what happened last night then -'

She cut him off with a kiss. He relaxed slightly.

'Lindsay -'

She stopped him again

'I'm sorry...I just...I just need to know what she looks like. Do you have a photo?'

The mixture of guilt and confusion left his face momentarily, replaced with incredulity

'I don't even have a photo of you. Why would I have one of her?'

For a moment they stared at each other before a gurgle of laughter bubbled up through her and spilled out. He stared nonplussed at her until he started to laugh as well. She slipped her arms around his neck. The laughter faded as his eyes darkened with desire.

'If you find it difficult to be here...if there are too many ghosts, we can always go to your place'

His words cut through the deepening need to have him inside her again and she paused.

'Ah, well, there's a problem with that.'

His face had been dropping towards hers, his eyes fastened on her lips. At her words they flew upwards to meet hers

'Problem?'

'Hmmm, well, Doug's there you see.'

'Who's Doug?'

His voice was sharp, jealousy obvious in both syllables. She giggled.

'My brother...my big brother. He's staying in New York for a while and he's staying with me.'

He paused for a moment while he processed this information then suspicion closely followed by concern crossed his face

'Does he know about me...about Lucy?'

She was tempted to lie for just a moment until sanity prevailed.

'Yes, he does...' at the look of horror that appeared she rushed on, 'he's OK about it - he understands.'

She hoped beyond hope that he did...she strongly suspected that he didn't.

Danny looked as if he wanted to say something but then changed his mind. Before either of them could speak a phone started to ring.

'It's mine,' she moved quickly to where she'd left her bag and pulled her cell phone out. The caller display showed 'Doug'.

'Hey'

_'Hey, you OK?'_

'I'm fine.'

_'Good. Wondered if you and lover boy wanted to meet me for breakfast?'_

'Doug...'

_'Its OK, I'll play nice. But I think I should meet the man who's, er...my sisters in love with.'_

She didn't miss how he changed what he was about to say. She suspected that she wouldn't have liked his first explanation.

'Hang on'

She covered the phone; 'Doug wonders if we'd like to meet him for breakfast?'

The reluctance on Danny's face faded as he saw the pleading in her eyes and he smiled.

'Of course.'

She finished the conversation with Doug after giving him directions to where they would meet him and put the phone down. She looked at him.

'You'll get on great. I know you will.'

She hoped she sounded more confident than she felt.

* * *

He knew as soon as he took Doug's outstretched hand that he had a problem; two problems if he included losing all feeling in his fingers after the bone crushing grip to which he'd been subjected. The self control needed not to wince in agony was second only to the control needed not to thump the guy. 

Danny knew Lindsay knew too, because she was talking too much, trying to cover up his silence. Doug, the bastard, was sitting back in his seat, very relaxed; his eyes warm as they rested on Lindsay as she described some case or other they had worked on together. Danny didn't miss the fact that every time he switched to look at him the warmth was absent.

Lindsay stood up and Danny felt a moment's panic as she headed towards the bathroom. Doug waved his arm and attracted the attention of the waitress

'Some more coffee please? Danny?'

He nodded warily.

Doug took a long drink from his re-filled cup.

'Great coffee. Can't always get decent coffee when I'm abroad.'

It seemed innocuous enough. He allowed himself to relax just a little bit.

'Yeah, well, I've not really traveled like you...' he shrugged, watching the older man carefully.

Doug leaned forward.

'Look, Lindsay loves you and I guess we're going to be spending time together so it would probably be best if we got along.'

Danny nodded, cautious at this apparent change of attitude.

Doug smiled disarmingly at him.

'Hey, I'm not in a position to criticize you...hell, I've been lonely, frustrated, headed to a bar and ended up in bed with some woman I've met there – it's a guy thing, right?'

'I guess.'

'I'm betting she was a real looker, yeah?'

Danny paused, his sixth sense warning him to be careful, but...

'Yeah, she is.'

'And it was just a fling. It means nothing. It was just your way of coping, right?'

'I guess...'

'And it would be incredibly hypocritical of me to hold it against you wouldn't it?'

His sense of imminent danger was fading at Doug's apparent reasonableness. He shrugged, risking a slight smile.

Doug lent forward, his face cold and implacable; his voice low.

'But I don't care if it's hypocritical of me. She's my baby sister and you're the fuckwit that made her cry, so I'm entirely comfortable with hypocritical. So let me lay this on the line for you; if I hear that you've spoken to this 'Lucy' woman again or I even suspect that you've upset Lindsay I'll kill you…….and no, its not a threat, it's a fucking promise.'

Shock was replaced by rage. Danny started to open his mouth to tell the guy to go fuck himself, but the words stilled on his tongue as Doug broke the eye contact, sat back in his seat, and smiled at a point over Danny's left shoulder.

Lindsay slipped into the seat next to him, looking anxiously from one man to the other. Danny managed to plaster a smile on his face, trying to give the impression that he and Doug had talked about nothing more controversial than the football games due to be played the following night.

From her expression he guessed she wasn't fooled.

* * *

They arrived back at his apartment after spending nearly two hours with Doug. His handshake on leaving had been every bit as fierce as the one when Danny had first met him, but he had been prepared this time, gripping Doug's just as tightly and taking satisfaction from the other man's realization that he might not be as tall, but working out and firing a gun gave him a grip every bit as strong. 

She hadn't spoken much on the way back to his apartment. Danny hadn't pushed her to talk, being too wrapped up in contemplating how a day that had promised so much had rapidly descended into the day from hell.

'I've got a headache and I'm feeling really tired. I think I'll go lie down if that's OK?'

He looked at her worriedly. She looked OK; maybe a little pale, but otherwise OK.

'Sure, I'll get you some water and an Advil.'

She smiled and headed for the bedroom

_Great, just great...can this day get any worse_?

He headed resignedly for the kitchen, filled a glass with water, found a packet of Advil and headed for the bedroom, wondering glumly if there was anything on the television he could watch for a while. He pushed the door open…….. and nearly dropped the glass.

Lindsay was lying on the bed, on her side, her head propped up on her hand, wearing nothing except a smile.

'Holy fuck'

The words escaped him before he could stop them. Her smile widened.

'My headache...it's a tension headache. Can you think of anything I could do to… er, _relieve_ the tension?'

He'd managed to find a surface to put the glass down on and the packet of Advil had long since fallen unheeded and un-needed to the floor. He stripped off his top and had unfastened the button to his jeans in a heartbeat before joining her on the bed.

The day was definitely looking up.


	13. Faint Heart Never Won Fair Maid

**Authors Note: **Firstly, apologies for taking so long with this chapter – minor case of writers block!

SallyJetson beta'd and Elainhe commented and I thank them both. Thank you to all of you who have reviewed. I really appreciate you taking the time.

* * *

**Chapter 13 – ****Faint Heart Never Won Fair Maid**

_You may be deceived if you trust too much, _

_but will live in torment if you don't trust enough _

– _Frank Crane_

* * *

_Hey it's me……so a__re you doing anything for lunch?_

Lindsay.

Lindsay was trying to sound casual; as if he should have been expecting her to call. Doug raised his eyebrows, surprised to be hearing from his sister. She'd made it very clear the previous day that she and Danny would be spending the day alone.

'Hmm, no plans. Why? You had enough of lover boy's company?'

'_Don't call him that.'_

Her response was instant and he felt a smile begin to tug at the corners of his mouth; she was sounding more and more like the old Lindsay every day. Her voice softened slightly as she continued;

'_Danny has to work – a building collapsed in Brooklyn yesterday morning and there's still a lot of forensics work to be done. Stella and Hawkes were there all day yesterday and Danny and Mac have to be there today. Mac won't let me work until tomorrow so I'm at a loose end.'_

The annoyance was evident in her voice as she told him Mac wouldn't let her work…….she was sounding more and _more_ like his sister………..

'So, in other words I'm third choice? Danny and work being your preferred options?' He put on a tone of mock outrage.

'_Something like that._'

Her gurgle of amusement told him she hadn't been fooled for a second, not that he had expected her to be.

'Yeah, go on then. Where do you want to meet?'

* * *

An hour later and he was striding towards Henry's in the Village, his phone call with Lindsay playing in his mind. It was obvious from what she'd said, and more particularly what she _hadn't_ said, that Messer hadn't told her about their 'conversation' the previous afternoon. He supposed, grudgingly, that it was a point in Messer's favour that he obviously didn't intend to hide behind Lindsay's skirts.

He massaged his hand as he remembered the grip Messer had applied when they'd said goodbye. Served him right for having a pissing contest really but he'd been surprised at the strength of the grip. He had no intention of cutting the guy any slack at all……well, not until he'd proved he was good enough for Lindsay, but he could respect any man prepared to fight his own battles.

Lindsay had told him that she'd invited a couple of her friends from the lab to join them for lunch, mentioning that they would be good people to help him with the research for his book. He determinedly pushed away the feelings of guilt as they curled mockingly around his insides; he could admit to himself, if no-one else, that the book was just an excuse to be here and keep an eye on Lindsay until he was sure that she was going to be OK.

An idle thought stirred; she was sounding more and more like herself, and it appeared that she and Messer had worked things out. Maybe he should think about writing the book. He'd only been planning it for five years now……..maybe now was the time to stop making excuses, stay put in one place for a while, and the write the damn thing…..

The sound of shouting jerked him from his thoughts. A hooded figure clutching a woman's purse was hurtling towards him; a tall dark haired man and a woman were giving chase. He had no time to think, only to react. He hurled himself at the hooded figure, bringing him crashing to the ground.

A brief struggle and then the man arrived. Between them they pulled the assailant upright. The man produced handcuffs; Doug raised an eyebrow

'You just happened to have those?'

The guy grinned at him then snapped the handcuffs onto the wrists of the bag snatcher. He started to give him his Miranda warning as the woman arrived, her eyes snapping with rage. She grabbed the bag, sending a scathing look at her assailant. The man held an arm out as he spoke; a warning tone in his voice.

'Stella'

She shot him a snarky look before swinging her eyes to look at Doug; beautiful green eyes in a beautiful face, he decided. She smiled a glorious smile and he found himself smiling back.

'Doug'

He pulled his gaze away from the woman to see Lindsay approaching. She took in the rip in his jacket and the dust he was brushing from his jeans. She turned to look at his companions, her eyebrows raised.

'Stel, Don, what's happened?'

'Cory here decided to grab _Detective Bonasara's_ bag.' Flack had a wallet in his hand and was inspecting a driving licence. The amusement in his voice was only matched by the look of horror on the face of 'Cory' as he realised what he'd done.

'Aww man; she's a cop?'

'Yeah, Einstein; she's a cop, I'm a cop and you're an idiot.'

Flack looked around as he heard the sound of a siren approaching before continuing,

'Hey look Cory, your ride's here.'

He manhandled him across the sidewalk to where the patrol car had pulled up.

Lindsay looked horrified; 'Stella, are you OK?'

Stella smiled grimly as she watched Cory being unceremoniously shoved into the patrol car, before she looked at Lindsay.

'I'm fine, and thanks to…….' She paused, raising her eyebrows as she looked at Doug. He grinned, but before he could say anything Lindsay jumped in

'This is my brother, Doug. Doug this is Stella and this is Don.'

Flack had returned. He held his hand out, a grin on his face

'That was some take down. You play at college?'

'Yeah a bit' Doug shook the offered hand then turned to Stella and held his hand out to her. She ignored it totally and instead stepped closer and kissed him on the cheek. She smelt of Channel No 5; his senses quickened.

'Thank you – my whole life is in that bag. I really don't know how to thank you.'

Several ideas presented themselves to Doug, none of which he thought particularly suitable to share. Instead he took her hand in his, raised it to his lips and brushed a soft kiss across her knuckles.

'It was my pleasure.'

Stella's eyes widened in surprise and then in delight; their gazes locked for a brief moment.

An exaggerated cough from Lindsay and a snigger from Flack broke the moment. Doug offered his arm to Stella, who took it with a delighted smile.

'Allow me to escort you inside and, if you insist, we can figure out exactly how you are going to thank me'

* * *

'_I know you're probably scared; I know that you had a lousy relationship with your step-father but I'm not him. I love you; I'll love the baby__. Please trust me.'_

He shook his head – Christ, how pathetic did that sound, begging her to trust him? He waited at the crossing for the lights to change, thinking back to the phone call he'd received 40 minutes previously.

'_Hawkes'_

'_Where are you?'_

'_Huh?'_

'_Where the fuck are you Sheldon?'_

'_Emily?'_

'_Yes. Now answer the damn question'_

'_I'm at home………what the hell…..?'_

'_Right, well get your ass over to Joe's Coffee House, pronto'_

'_Wha…….why?'_

'_Because Lucy's there………..Lucy and I are there…..here, I mean……….she's told me about getting knocked up and that you've finally decided to get your act together and tell her how you feel………great timing by the way………….and I've been here nearly two hours listening to her telling me how much she loves you but that she can't expect you to take on another man's baby and frankly I'm knackered and bored. I've pulled a double shift and I want to go home and sleep. So get your ass down here and sort this out….. and for Christ sake don't fuck it up._

The light changed and he crossed to the other side of the street. He could see Joe's Coffee House 50 yards ahead of him. Even as his stomach did back flips through nerves a smile was tugging at the corner of his mouth.

Emily. She'd been Lucy's best friend at college; her roommate when they'd started at the hospital and the woman he'd had his one and only one-night stand with. She didn't take any prisoners, but he knew that underneath the tough, brash exterior was a good friend.

For some reason their one night stand had never affected their friendship, a fact he was very grateful for. She had remained in New York after they qualified and they usually met up at least every couple of weeks for coffee. Since Josh had died she had been on him to tell Lucy how he felt………

He arrived at the coffee shop and paused for a moment outside, offering up a silent prayer that he would find the right words; that he wouldn't 'fuck it up'. The phone call from Mac, only minutes after his declaration the previous morning, had been incredibly bad timing, although he suspected that Lucy had needed some time to get her head around his question.

His stomach was filled with tap dancing elephants as he pushed the door open and walked in. He spotted them immediately, sitting at the back of the shop, Emily facing the door, Lucy with her back to him.

He met Emily's eyes and, even at a distance, could see how tired she was. She glanced pointedly at the clock but her mouth was crinkling at the corner.

She stood up. Lucy was staring up at her and he could imagine the look on her face. Emily said something and Lucy turned to look at him.

She was still paler than usual but didn't look as ill as she had the previous morning. The smile that appeared as she saw him pulled him across the floor to her side. She stood up as he arrived next to her; the expression in her eyes was shy but she looked happy to see him. The glimmer of hope he'd been clinging to for over 24 hours now began to burn a little brighter.

'Hey'

_Oh great opening Sheldon_

'Hey'

Their eyes stayed locked together

'Oh hand me a bucket. You two were so made for each other, how come you've only just realised?'

They both looked at Emily before looking back at each other and starting to laugh. He reached out and took her hand. The faintest blush of colour tinged her cheeks and her hand tightened in his. A groan from Emily made them both start to laugh.

'OK, so Lucy here is head over heels in love with you but doesn't think it's fair to expect you to love someone else's baby. I've told her she's an idiot.'

Emily was pulling on her coat as she glared at Lucy; the effect was only slightly ruined by the smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.

He tightened his hand around hers. She switched her gaze back to him again, the smile dimming slightly and a question in her eyes. His grandfather's words replayed in his head yet again for what, the 100th time in the last 24 hours?

_Boy, when you find the woman you want to spend the rest of you life with you need to remember that faint heart never won fair maid._

Words; they'd said more than enough yesterday. It seemed to him that actions were what was called for now. Not waiting for her reaction he slid his free hand into her hair, pulled her towards him and kissed her.

It wasn't a soft, gentle kiss; it was hard, demanding and passionate. She responded immediately, pressing closer and sliding her arm around his neck, her mouth opening without hesitation to let him in. Time stopped as all the pieces that made up his life slotted into place.

He broke the kiss, his forehead resting against hers as sincere brown eyes held hopeful green ones.

'Do you trust me?'

She didn't hesitate. 'Yes'

'Then believe me when I tell you I'll love this baby as much as I love you.'

She kissed him gently, briefly, then she smiled.

'I believe you.'

'Oh thank fuck for that. Very moving by the way. Can I go now? Are the two of you OK to sort your lives out from here?'

A gurgle of laughter left Lucy; Hawkes grinned.

'We're fine thanks. You can go and get some sleep – might make you a bit better tempered.'

Emily stuck her tongue out at him before kissing Lucy and murmuring something in her ear. Then she kissed him briefly on the cheek.

'Don't fuck this up Sheldon.'

The catch in her voice and the brightness in her eyes belied the words. He shook his head, not even trying to wipe the smile from his face.

'No one believes that tough girl act, Lewis.'

Emily pulled a face at him but didn't speak. Instead she picked up her bag and headed out of the door without looking back.

He turned back to Lucy. Her eyes were glowing as she spoke softly;

'I think we should get out of here, don't you?'

He pulled her close again, his voice roughening with emotion.

'I think we should go home, don't you?'


	14. Don't Look Back

**Authors Note: **Huge thank you to **SallyJetson** for the beta and the encouragement. Also, thanks to **notesofwimsey** and **Elainhe** for their wise words.

Thank you to everyone who is reading and everyone who is reviewing. I really appreciate your feedback and thoughts.

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen – Don't Look Back**

_How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it._

_-Marcus Aurelius_

* * *

The bed called to her; like a long neglected lover it demanded her presence. She dropped her bag and jacket to the floor as she closed the door, too tired to take the time to put them away.

Blindly she turned toward the bedroom, already imagining the soft welcoming embrace of the sheets.

A movement where no movement should be.

Sleep deprived senses reacting, but not quickly enough. Hands reaching for her neck. She fought; kicking and scratching, trying to rip the mask from her attacker's face.

Hands squeezed. Blood roared in her ears. She fought for her life as the blackness began to descend. Two voices, coming from a long way away; laughter and then suddenly the hands released her.

She slumped to the floor, gasping for breath. The door opened and then closed and she was on her own.

Fighting to stop the blackness overwhelming her, she felt blindly for the phone.

* * *

They didn't speak in the taxi. He had been expecting her to want to talk but her hand, slid slowly across his abdomen, and a look through hooded eyes had been enough for him to pull her into his arms and meet her upturned face with a kiss that had lasted until they stopped outside her apartment.

More kissing in the elevator; stumbling down the hallway to the front door as their mouths remained fused together and hands crept under clothing; each touch of her hand on his skin sent bolts of electricity through him.

They fell through the door; he kicked it shut with his foot as he backed her against the wall, the kissing becoming more frantic as the need to get closer became more urgent.

A fleeting moment of sanity

'Are you sure?'

She stared at him for a moment then frowned.

'Why? Aren't you?'

'Yes….christ, yes….but if you're not, if you need more time…' Every word was torn from him.

For a long moment she stared at him, the frown still on her face; her eyes clouding at his words. He waited.

'Are you worried that…..I don't know; that this is happening too quickly? Is it because I…I slept with Danny so quickly?'

The worry on her face made sense now. He cursed himself silently as he rushed to calm her fears.

'No…no, Lucy, no….its nothing to do with Danny…it's you and everything you've been through this last week or so. I don't want to rush you…I want this to be right. We have the rest of our lives together…..' the frown was fading and the clouds were clearing from her eyes; he grinned as he finished; '….anyway, I have Emily's words ringing in my ears.'

She relaxed in his arms. She slowly traced his jaw line with one finger as a smile lit up her face.

'And what words would those be?' The teasing note in her voice had him grinning as he replied

'She told me not to fuck this up.'

She laughed.

He kissed her again; her mouth yielding instantly to his was a heady feeling and the temptation to push for more was growing but every instinct told him that it was too soon, that more needed to be said.

He broke the kiss. She sighed softly and smiled at him

'You know, I don't think we thanked Emily properly. Lets call her before she goes to sleep.'

* * *

'Mac, what've we got?'

'Dr Emily Lewis; attacked as she arrived home. From what she's told the EMTs and the cops her attacker was waiting inside her apartment when she arrived back.'

Danny stared at the door then back to Mac.

'Hasn't been forced.'

'No.' Mac looked grim. 'It looks like whoever did this had a key.'

He straightened up and indicated toward the number 3 flashing on the phone. 'She's got some messages. I've dusted for prints so do you want to play them?'

Danny pushed the button. A man's furious voice filled the hallway.

'_You fucking bitch. I'll make sure you're sorry……..you….you….bitch. You've ruined me….you selfish cow. You'll be sorry. I won't let you get away with this. Bitch._'

Danny raised an eyebrow and met Mac's gaze. Neither man said anything as the next message started to play.

'_Dr Lewis, this is Gail Adams. Dr Roberts would like to see you tomorrow morning before your shift starts to discuss the report you filed about Dr Henderson. Please come to his office at 9:30 am._'

Mac's turn to raise an eyebrow, but before he could say anything the machine beeped again and the final message played.

'_Emily, we rang to say thank you,_' a woman's voice. She sounded happy. Danny stiffened. He knew that voice.

The sound of a man and woman laughing and then the man's voice. Mac's head jerked in surprise.

'_You're probably asleep…_'

'_She's just pretending._' The first voice interrupted before both started laughing again.

'_Anyway, thanks and we'll see you tomorrow._' The man spoke firmly and the phone went down.

'That was Hawkes. Who was the woman?'

The look in Mac's eyes was enough to tell Danny that his reaction to Lucy's voice hadn't gone un-noticed.

'Lucy Connor…..I, er….I….'

'Sheldon's friend? The one you were dating?'

Danny stared at Mac, his jaw hanging open. 'How do you….?'

Mac frowned; 'I stay on top of what's happening in my Lab, Danny. You don't think the fact that you and Sheldon can barely say a civil word to each other had completely escaped me do you?'

'Mac, I…..'

He stopped as Mac shook his head; 'Danny this isn't the time. I'm going to ring Sheldon and let him know what's happened to Dr Lewis and ask him to meet you at the hospital -'

'Mac -'

'Danny, if falling out with Sheldon is going to stop you from doing your job….'

Mac let his words trail away but Danny got the message.

'No…no it's fine; I'll head over there now before we lose any evidence.'

He headed for his car, hoping against hope that Lucy wouldn't be there.

* * *

Her hand crept under his shirt as their tongues tangled in a slow erotic dance. He let his hand brush the side of her breast and she moaned into his mouth. The pressure in his pants increased to an unbearable level.

She broke the kiss as she murmured

'Please…..'

They had talked……..he'd been determined that they shouldn't rush, but self control was a thing of the past. He held her eyes with his as he slowly unbuttoned her shirt. She shivered as he pushed the two halves apart, his eyes dropping from hers to look at the black lace of her bra. He dropped his head to the valley between her breasts and kissed her softly. She moaned again and hitched one leg around his waist, pulling him closer as she sought to relieve the pressure building within her.

He trailed kisses over the black lace until he captured a lace clad nipple in his mouth. She gasped and he stopped, looking up at her.

'Are you OK?'

She nodded weakly, barely able to form a coherent sentence; 'just very sensitive'

He grinned; 'I'll be gentle.'

She wrapped her other leg around him and he groaned as she bucked against the bulge in his pants

'Lucy –'

The phone on his pocket began to ring

'Fuck'

For a moment he was tempted to ignore it, but years of responding instantly to emergency calls was a habit hard to break. Her hand moved before his and slid into his pocket, nearly sending him over the edge as she brushed his erection. He clenched his teeth and took the phone from her, noting the knowing smirk on her face.

He glanced at the display and cursed as he saw the name illuminated there.

'Hawkes'

He listened in growing horror to what Mac was telling him.

'OK, we'll head straight over.'

He closed the phone. Lucy was watching him, worry wiping away the desire of moments earlier.

'What's happened?'

He took a deep breath before he told her

* * *

'How is she?'

He kept his voice low as he spoke to the doctor.

'Well, she has a badly bruised neck and her windpipe was partially crushed so we incubated and gave her a mild sedative because she was struggling to breathe but she's been remarkably lucky, all things considered.'

Danny nodded, noting the bags that covered Emily Lewis's hands. Before he could ask the doctor spoke again.

'Apparently she told the first cop who arrived that she had scratched her attacker so he made sure her hands were bagged to preserve evidence.'

Danny nodded as he pulled on latex gloves.

'I need to start processing otherwise we run the risk of losing a lot of the evidence. Is the sedative you gave her strong enough for her to sleep through?'

Before the doctor could say anything the voices outside the room had Danny turning, his stomach freefalling as he saw who was there.

Lucy wasn't looking at him; she was staring at the figure on the bed, her distress evident.

Hawkes met his eyes briefly before his gaze swivelled back to Lucy. Danny noticed how he held onto her, obviously concerned.

'Jamie?'

The doctor handed Lucy the chart in his hand and she scanned it quickly before looking up, horrified.

'Someone tried to strangle her? Who would want to do that?'

Hawkes held her in his arms, soothing her. Danny's discomfort at seeing her was momentarily suspended as he noticed the body language. Unless he was mistaken………

Lucy broke away and started to head for Emily. Danny's protest died on his tongue as Hawkes caught her back.

'Lucy, you can't, not until Danny's processed her.'

'But –'

'You want us to catch this bastard don't you?'

She stopped and nodded, her eyes not leaving his. Danny watched closely as the certainty that something was going on between them grew. For the briefest of moments he wondered if Flack had been right and she had lied about how close she and Hawkes were…..

'Well?'

His thoughts were interrupted by Hawkes. He met his eyes; the expression was one of irritation.

He scowled, picked his kit up and headed to where Emily lay. The bruising on her neck was obvious. He scanned her face but could see no other marks indicating an attack.

He picked up his camera and started to take photos. The sound of the door closing momentarily distracted him, and he turned to see that Lucy and the Hawkes had left the room. Through the window he watched Hawkes steer Lucy toward a seat. She appeared to need assistance. He frowned as Hawkes knelt down in front of her and she dipped her head down between her knees.

A noise from the bed bought his attention back to Emily. From the movement he guessed she was starting to wake up. The doctor moved to his side, checking the monitors.

'She's coming to. She may be distressed when she wakes…'

Eyelids fluttered open and a pair of grey eyes met his, panic obvious in them. She started to move her head from side to side. The doctor pushed past him.

'Dr Lewis…..Emily……you've been incubated. You need to stay calm……'

The door flew open and Hawkes arrived at the bedside.

'Emily….EMILY; look at me.'

She quietened slightly, her gaze held by his. Once he was sure she had calmed down he turned to the doctor.

'Can we take the tube out?'

The door opened again and Lucy came back in. She moved to stand next to Hawkes as Emily's eyes swung to look at her.

'Dr Connor?' The young doctor was looking to Lucy for guidance. Lucy stepped forward.

'Emily, I'm going to take the tube out. You know what to do.'

A slight nod of the head. Danny watched as Emily coughed and Lucy rapidly withdrew the tube. He stepped forward.

'Dr Lewis, I'm Danny Messer from the crime lab. I'm sorry but I need to get some photos of your injuries and check your hands for trace evidence. Is that OK?'

Her eyes swung to look at him before looking back at Lucy, a question in them. From the corner of his eye he saw Lucy nod before she stepped back.

'We'll be outside.'

The door closed. He smiled encouragingly at Emily but she stared at him, watchful, accusatory. Irritation shot through him as he wondered what Lucy had told her.

* * *

When Danny finished processing he left the room ready to head back to the lab, glad to be away from Emily Lewis's accusatory stare. Hawkes and Lucy were in the corridor outside; she was in his arms, her head resting against his chest as Hawkes spoke to her in a low voice.

As they heard him approach they both looked up. What little colour she had drained from her face. Hawkes spoke to her again and she nodded. He stepped back and headed for Emily's room, walking past Danny as if he wasn't there.

Lucy turned to face him. His steps faltered and he stopped a couple of feet away from her. He realised he had no idea what to say to her and was almost surprised to hear his voice.

'Hi'

She took a deep breath. 'Danny……I need…….I have something I need to talk to you about.' Her voice was shaking.

Unexpectly anger flared inside of him, taking him by surprise as it ignited the suspicion that he'd been played for a fool – that she and Hawkes had been more to each other, _were_ more to each other, than she'd let on. As the accusations formed on his tongue, Doug's words from the previous day replayed in his head.

_So let me lay this on the line for you; if I hear that you've spoken to this 'Lucy' woman again or I even suspect that you've upset Lindsay I'll kill you._

He stepped to one side, increasing the distance between them. He knew his voice sounded cold as he spoke;

'Look, its not a great time at the moment. I have to get this back to the lab.'

'Danny….'

'No. We're over. I'm with Lindsay now and I'm not going to risk screwing that up. Whatever it is, you'll have to deal with it on your own.'

Her head jerked back as if he had struck her. For a few moments he allowed doubt to cloud his certainty, but then the memory of Lindsay's face as she'd asked what Lucy looked like, what she did, wiped away the doubt and hardened his heart.

Before Lucy could speak again he picked up his kit and strode rapidly towards the exit.

'Danny…..'

The desperate note in her voice nearly stopped him, but the thought of a pair of trusting, chocolate brown eyes kept his feet moving in the direction of the exit.

He kept going; he didn't look back.


	15. No Turning Back

**Author's Note: **Firstly apologies for the delay in getting this chapter published. There has been a lot of 'real life stuff' going on that has made it difficult to find time to write.

Secondly a huge thank you to **SallyJetson** for the beta, the comments, the ideas and the help. Couldn't do it without you honey! That said, I couldn't resist playing around a bit with it after it was sent back to me so any and all mistakes are mine!

* * *

**Chapter Fifteen ****– No Turning Back**

_Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; _

_loving someone deeply gives you courage._

_Lao-Tzu_

* * *

'Hey, its me. How's your day been?' 

'_Good. Doug and I had lunch with Stel and Don. Stel had her purse snatched and Doug caught the perp_.'

Great….just bloody great. Doug the super hero.

'Is Stel OK?'

'_Yes_ _she's fine. How's your day been? You and Mac finished at the building in Brooklyn?_'

'Yeah, I've been dealing with an attack during a home invasion this afternoon………'

He let his voice trail away, wondering how to tell her about seeing Lucy. He opened his mouth then closed it again as he tried, and failed, to find the right words.

'_Danny? Was it a bad scene?_'

The concern in her voice spurred him on.

'It was a doctor, Emily Lewis. She works at St Vincents….she's a friend of Hawkes….and Lucy. Lucy was at the hospital….she wanted us to talk.'

Her silence at the other end of the phone was unnerving but he couldn't think of anything to say that wouldn't make it worse.

'_What did she want?_'

The calmness of her response surprised him and it took a moment for him to realise that he had expected her to be angry or upset. He hadn't expected her to sound…………..to sound _curious_? The words tumbled hastily from his mouth.

'I don't know; I didn't wait around to find out. I told her I couldn't speak to her; that whatever it was she had to deal with it on her own……that I'm with you now.'

Silence again, then

'_Why don't you come over and pick me up. If It's OK with you I could bring a few clothes and stay at your place tonight?'_

* * *

Doug stood back to let Danny in, his eyes cold and his face set. Danny headed into the sitting room looking around for Lindsay; she was nowhere to be seen. 

He turned to look at Doug

'Where is she?'

'In the bedroom. She was getting some stuff together when Mom rang. They'll be a while yet.'

The sub artic tone in Doug's voice told Danny that Lindsay had told him about seeing Lucy. He turned to face him, shoulders back and jaw out, waiting for Doug to speak. He didn't have to wait long.

'You saw Lucy.'

Doug spoke mildly but Danny wasn't about to fall for that again. He crossed his arms across his body, rocking back on his heels as he spoke tersely

'Yeah'

For a long moment the two men glared at each other. The sound of Lindsay laughing broke the moment. Danny took a step forward

'It was work. It was unavoidable'

'Yeah? So what did she want to talk to you about?'

'Don't know; I blew her off.'

Danny noticed the slight thaw in Doug at these words which sent a spurt of anger through him. He stepped closer, making no attempt to stop the annoyance showing on his face.

'You know, she looked pretty upset and I should have let her tell me whatever it was she wanted to tell me. For all I know it was something to do with the case; instead I walked away.'

'So you're a candy ass Messer. If you wanted to speak to her, why didn't you?'

The two men were stood within inches of each other now; chins thrust forward; Danny with his arms still crossed and Doug with his hands in his pockets.

'Because I listened to you, you jerk off, but now you need to listen to me. I'm not going to be told by you what I can and can't do and who I can and can't speak to. If I want to speak to Lucy I will and the only person who has a right to have an opinion on that is your sister –'

'Yeah?'

Doug stepped closer, aggression oozing from him, forcing Danny to tilt his head back slightly so that he could still look him in the eye

'Yeah'

Danny uncrossed his arms and placed his hands on his hips.

'Well my sister is my business you wanker –'

' – and I told her about seeing Lucy and she was cool with it; a hell of a lot cooler than you are you bastard.'

'Really? I don't remember you being here and seeing how she was when she put the phone down. I don't remember you being there when she was crying in the courthouse after you rang her. And I don't remember you being the one who held her every night when the nightmares got too much for her.'

'Oh right, so you're the only one who really knows her? You're the only one she really shows how she's feeling? Get over yourself. She talks to me and she'll tell me if something upsets her –'

'Christ, you're an arrogant SOB Messer. What makes you so sure – '

'What's going on?'

Both men turned at the sound of Lindsay's voice. She was standing in the doorway, a dangerous look on her face. Danny waved his hand toward Doug, but before he could speak Doug stepped forward

'Messer was helping me with the dialogue for a scene I'm writing at the moment. The guy's a real asshole……….the character I mean, and Messer has him down to a T'

Doug turned to look at him, eyebrows raised, challenging him. He decided to take up the challenge

'Yeah, your brother needs help…needed some help. Mind you, it's easy to play an asshole when he's such a jerk……the character he's playing I mean.'

The two men scowled at each other, bodies turning towards each other again.

'Well that's a relief. I thought for a minute the two of you were arguing over me.'

Lindsay gave them both a beaming smile which belied the steel in her voice; Danny knew she had heard enough to know exactly what they had been arguing about. The look on Doug's face told him that he had realised as well. Lindsay pointed to a suitcase

'If you can take that one Danny,' she pointed to second case, 'and you can take that one Doug'

Her raised eyebrows stopped any further conversation. The two men collected the bags she pointed out to them and silently headed down to the car. Danny climbed in leaving Lindsay on the sidewalk with Doug. He turned the radio on, not wanting to hear the conversation that was taking place. A minute or so later and the passenger door opened and Lindsay climbed in. Doug glared across at him

'Take care of her.'

Danny scowled

'Count on it'

The door was shut with a degree of force and he pulled away quickly into the traffic.

The journey to his apartment was made in silence. Lindsay was lost in thought and although he opened his mouth once to start a conversation the cloak of introspection she had wrapped herself in stilled the words on his tongue.

He parked up at his apartment and they left the car silently. He opened the rear door and stopped as the size and number of the bags she had bought with her finally sank in. He turned to look at her, a question on his face.

'I'm moving in'

He stared at her as her words slowly sank in

'You're moving in?'

'Yes'

He stared at her unable to think of anything to say

'We're going to make this work Danny, but we're not going to be able to if you have to go into battle with Doug every time you come over, so I'm moving in….unless you don't want me to?

* * *

Doug prowled restlessly around the apartment, berating himself for allowing his worry about Lindsay to affect how he had behaved with Messer. He knew Lindsay was angry with him; she'd left him in no doubt whatsoever about that. He was pretty pissed with himself too. 

A picture on the wall caught his attention. It showed a proud 8 year old holding his new baby sister. He could remember how carefully he had held her, terrified that he would drop her and that she would break. Of course he hadn't, but it had set a pattern in their relationship; him wanting to protect her; she determined to manage on her own.

He headed into the kitchen and pulled a beer out of the refrigerator as he reluctantly acknowledged that he was taking his worry about Lindsay out on Danny. He took a long drink of beer and grinned wryly as he decided that somewhere in the handbook of being an older brother there had to be something written about not behaving like an asshole with the man your baby sister falls in love with.

Love…….it had been a long time since he had been in love; a long time since Rebecca had died. There had certainly been a lot of women since, some of more importance than others, but it had been a long time since he had been involved in any sort of serious relationship; too long really.

A pair of beautiful green eyes intruded into his thoughts. He dug around in his jeans pocket until he found a card with her name and number on it. He never had been one to play games; not the 'keep them guessing' ones anyway. He'd told her he'd call her, so call her he would; right now.

She picked the phone up after two rings. Twenty minutes later he was in a much better mood and had a date for the following evening with his green eyed goddess.

* * *

She woke. 

The streetlights cast an eerie glow across the room; a glance at the bedside clock told her it was still the middle of the night.

The sound of steady breathing next to her had her turning slowly, careful not to wake him. The glow from the streetlights cast sufficient light for her to be able to pick out the features on his face. She lay for a while just watching him, wondering how it had taken so long for them to get to this point, but grateful that they had.

The events of the previous day played like a film reel in her mind. He'd been so angry when Danny had walked away, and dead set on heading over to his apartment to force him to listen to her until he had realised how tired she was. In the end he had taken her home and put her to bed but it had taken an argument and some more tears before he'd promised that he wouldn't tell Danny; that he would leave it to her to break the news. An angry Sheldon wasn't something she'd really seen before but she'd found it very attractive. If she hadn't been so tired…………

She silently cursed the tiredness and the sickness and the hormones that'd had her in tears more times in the last week than she'd been in the last 15 years. She didn't cry as a rule and she always fought her own battles. That was the woman Sheldon knew, the one he had fallen in love with, not this sobbing excuse for a woman.

Still, there was one other effect pregnancy was having on her, one that she'd heard about but never really believed; an increased libido. She might not have believed it before but she did now. The fact he was lying next to her in the bed but they still hadn't made love was driving her crazy. The need for him was increasing with every minute she lay looking at him and she knew there was no chance of going back to sleep; not until……………

Before she had time to decide whether or not to wake him his eyes opened. For a moment they lay, staring at each other, until she reached a hand out to caress his face. He captured it, pressing an open mouth kiss against the palm that sent heat coursing through her body.

After all the talking of the last few days words now seemed unnecessary. He moved, rolling her onto her back, kissing her passionately, his hand slipping under her T shirt, as she ran her hands over his chest, thrilled by how the muscles shuddered at her touch. He pulled back, but before she could protest he swept her T shirt over her head, leaving her naked and exposed as his eyes travelled slowly down her body. The heat from his gaze scorched her skin, until she thought she would come without him even touching her.

'Sheldon….'

At her pleading he moved so that he was poised above her. She reached for him, desperate to feel him inside of her. Their mouths met in a long erotic kiss; their tongues tangling as their hands explored.

'Now….please, now'

He entered her slowly, his eyes never leaving hers until he was buried inside of her; then he dropped his head and captured one rosy nipple in his mouth. She arched her back, digging her fingers into his hair as fire engulfed her. The tempo increased and she wrapped her legs around him as their bodies began to move together in a rhythm as old as time; the tension building and building until it finally exploded.

After, she lay in his arms as he stroked her hair, softly murmuring words of love, as she slowly slid into the first deep, untroubled sleep she'd had in over a week.


	16. The Common Factor

**Authors Note: **The muse and time were both on my side hence a reasonably quick update! As always huge thanks and hugs to **SallyJetson** for being such a wonderful beta :)

Hope you all enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter Sixteen – The Common Factor**

_Truth is truth_

_To the end of reckoning_

_- William Shakespeare:_

* * *

Flack was pissed.

It had looked so straight forward. Emily Lewis had been attacked in her apartment two hours after a threatening message had been left on her phone. It had taken no time at all to discover the message had been left by another doctor, Evan Bailey, and only a short while longer to discover that Emily Lewis had recently reported him for 'inappropriate conduct'. When Flack had asked some questions he had found out Evan Bailey had a problem understanding the meaning of 'personal space' where the nurses were concerned, particularly if they were young and blonde.

He had ignored the nagging feeling that this was all a bit too easy, and that it was unlikely that a supposedly intelligent man would leave a message two hours before trying to kill his victim. In Flack's experience the arrogance of the professional classes was often their undoing when they came to committing a crime; they seemed to assume that the combined IQ of the NYPD didn't equal their show size and acted accordingly. He admitted he got a great deal of satisfaction from putting arrogant SOBs like Evan Bailey behind bars; but on this occasion he wasn't going to get the satisfaction, much as he thought the smug bastard deserved it

Unfortunately, from Flacks perspective anyway, it turned out that Evan Bailey had a cast iron alibi for the time Emily Lewis was being attacked; he had been acting as the best man at a society wedding. Not only had 500 of the bride and groom's closest friends and family seen him giving a speech at the time of the attack, it was also on film.

He stretched his legs out in front of him in an effort to get comfortable; reflecting that the chairs in this hospital were every bit as uncomfortable as the chairs in the precinct. Rapid footsteps made him glance up and then stand up as he saw Danny hurrying down the corridor towards him.

'You spoken to her yet?'

Flack raised an eyebrow at the urgency of Danny's tone as he shook his head slowly

'Nah, the doctors are with her at the moment. What's up?'

Danny stuffed his hands in his pockets; 'I got the results from the trace evidence I collected yesterday; it's a match to the murder near here on Friday.'

Flack frowned, recalling the case.

'Carlos Ramirez; the guy who was killed after he'd had his head sutured?'

'Yeah; looks like we have a lunatic on the loose with an issue with the hospital.'

Flack stared at Danny as his mind worked quickly. Two victims: one a patient at St Vincents, the other a doctor. The link to the hospital might be a co-incidence but Flack didn't believe in those. As his mind worked quickly another link came to mind, one he didn't think Danny was going to like.

'You know there's another possible link as well. It's tenuous but…….' He shrugged, watching Danny's face, trying to see if it had occurred to him too. All he could see was curiosity. He took a deep breath

'Lucy. Lucy is another common factor.'

'_Lucy?_'

Danny looked and sounded shocked at Flack's pronouncement. He shook his head as he continued;

'How is Lucy a connection?'

Flack sighed. The warning signs were there, flashing in Danny's eyes. He kept his tone casual as he explained

'She was the doctor who treated Ramirez. She's a friend of Emily Lewis.'

'Ah come on man, that's a stretch even for you.'

Flack ignored the slur on his detecting skills.

'I know, but it's there and we can't ignore it.'

Danny shook his head; 'You're crazy. She treated a patient. She's an ER attending for god's sake, she treats hundreds of patients. She knows Emily Lewis, who is a doctor in the hospital she works in; she probably knows most of the doctors in the hospital.'

Flack shrugged, but before he could continue the door to Emily Lewis's room opened and a doctor and a nurse emerged. Flack looked past them to the figure in the room. The first thing he noticed was a mane of long blonde hair; the next was how her face changed when she caught sight of Danny.

'You've made a real impression.'

Danny grunted but didn't answer. Flack noticed that he didn't look particularly keen to get in there.

Flack nodded to the doctor;

'We OK to interview Dr Lewis now?'

The doctor nodded; 'Yes, she's fine. I've signed the discharge papers and she can talk but she needs to be careful of her throat so please don't keep her talking too long.'

Flack glanced again at Emily Lewis; her blue eyes were fixed on Danny, the expression in them was cold. That aside he had to admit she wasn't bad looking. He headed into the room

'Dr Lewis, I'm Detective Flack.' He indicated towards Danny, 'You met Detective Messer yesterday.'

She switched her gaze from Danny to him, a watchful look in her eyes as she nodded her head briefly. Flack flicked open his notebook

'I need to check some details first, OK?'

Again, she nodded. He took his pen out of his jacket pocket

'You're an OB GYN here at St Vincent's, yes?'

Another nod.

'You went on duty at 10pm on Saturday night, yes?'

Another nod. Her eyes hadn't left his face.

'What time did you finish?'

'11am Sunday'

Her voice was hoarse; a reminder, along with the bruising around her neck, of what had happened yesterday afternoon.

'You were on for 13 hours?' He met her gaze, shifting uncomfortably as she continued to stare at him.

She nodded slowly; 'short staffed and a complicated birth.'

'Did anything happen during your shift that was out of the ordinary; any problems with staff, a patient, a visitor?'

She stood up and began to place items in a bag. He waited for a minute or so before opening his mouth to prompt her again, but before he could speak she turned to face him

'Nothing out of the ordinary, no.'

'So what did you do after your shift finished? You say you clocked out at 11am, but you didn't get back to your apartment until after 3pm, so what were you doing?'

'She was with me, Detective.'

A voice behind him had him swinging around. The slight grunt from Danny told him before he had completed his turn who was standing behind them.

Lucy moved past him as if he wasn't there and went to hug Emily, who returned the hug before turning back to face Flack.

'I went down to the ER. Lucy was just finishing. We went for a coffee.'

Flack looked at Lucy. She was looking a lot better than the last time he had seen her on Friday. He was aware of Danny shifting uncomfortably next to him but Lucy wasn't looking at him. Instead she, like Emily, was staring at him.

He sighed; 'OK, so did anything happen before you left the hospital?'

For the first time both women looked uncomfortable. Flack raised his eyebrows at their reaction then glanced at Danny; from the look on his face Flack could tell he felt the same way. He waited but neither woman said anything, instead they looked at each other. Some sort of silent exchange took place before Lucy sighed;.

'Well, we had an argument in the middle of the ER, but other than that, no, nothing happened.'

A sense of exasperation was creeping over him slowly. He took a deep breath

'What did you argue about?'

'None of your business.'

Emily stepped forward, shielding Lucy from Danny, although she was speaking to Flack. The movement and the body language intrigued him, his instincts telling him that there was something more to know. Before he could press her further she carried on

'We went for a coffee. We chatted for a couple of hours. Sheldon arrived and I left him and Lucy talking and headed home. I opened the door to my apartment. I was tired so I dropped my things onto the floor and was going to go straight to bed. A figure appeared and we fought. They were very strong; they had their hands around my neck and I was losing consciousness when I heard Lucy and Sheldon's voices. Whoever it was paused then let go and left.'

She spoke in a flat emotionless tone, as if describing a scene from a film, although he noticed her hand shook slightly as she fingered the bruise on her neck.

'Can you describe your attacker?'

She thought for a moment before answering; again her voice was emotionless. 'I would say they were at least 4 inches taller than me, so that would put them around 5ft 10in, and I would say they weighed around 170-180lbs. I couldn't see anything else. They had gloves on and a ski mask………..'

Her voice trailed away and she stared into space for a moment before continuing, emotion showing in her voice for the first time; 'their eyes…..I remember their eyes. They were a sort of hazel colour.'

Flack nodded encouragingly, 'that's great. Did you see any skin at all? White, Black, Hispanic?'

'White. There was enough showing around the eyes for me to see they were white….and……..' she paused then sighed, 'you're going to think I'm mad, but I'd swear it was a woman.'

'A woman? What makes you think that?'

Danny spoke for the first time. Flack noticed Lucy jumped slightly and that Emily shot him a quick, unfriendly look before swinging back to face him. She ignored Danny although she answered his question

'The scent. It was a very feminine scent…….you know, shampoo, shower gel, that sort of thing. I don't know really, I just thought it was a woman.'

Flack nodded, looking at Danny and seeing a gleam in his eye. He glanced quickly at Lucy as he asked, 'OK, so when you were in the coffee shop, did anything happen? Anyone behave strangely?'

Lucy shifted uncomfortably at his question, looking at Emily who raised an eyebrow at her but said nothing.

'Dr Connor?'

She met his eyes, her colour raised slightly as she shook her head, 'no, nothing.'

A silence fell. Emily was glaring at Danny who was staring at Lucy who in turn was staring at the floor.'

'You're lying. Why are you lying?'

Flack almost groaned aloud at Danny's accusation. Danny continued, 'and what did the two of you argue about in the ER?'

Lucy crossed her arms defensively across her body as she stared at Danny, seemingly unable to tear her eyes away or bring herself to answer. Emily stepped forward again, positioning herself between Danny and Lucy.

'If you'd bothered to listen last night you'd know the answer to that question.'

Flack stared at Danny, a question written on his face, wondering what the hell Emily Lewis was talking about.

Danny squared his shoulders; 'yeah well I'm listening now, so I want to know what's so important that you sat in a coffee shop, talking for two hours after a 13 hour shift, and argued in the ER? Huh? He glared at Emily before switching his gaze to Lucy, 'And _you_ can enlighten me about why the hell it has anything do with me?'

The colour drained from Lucy's face and Flack wondered if she was about to faint. Emily obviously thought she was because she pushed her to sit down on the bed, guiding her head between her legs, murmuring something quietly in her ear. Whatever she said bought a sound of protest from Lucy.

Flack glanced at Danny's face; it showed confusion at the by play between the two women. Emily straightened up.

'I'm sorry, but I can't tell you what we talked about. That's for Lucy to say, and only if and when she decides she wants to.'

'This is part of a police investigation –'

'- yes, about an attack on me, so I think I have a say in –'

Flack cut off her interruption and continued, '- into a _murder_, Dr Lewis.'

The room fell silent; Lucy picked her head up, staring wildly at Flack and then Emily. Emily regarded him coolly

'A murder, detective?'

'Yes, we found trace evidence that links your attack to the murder of Carlos Ramirez on Friday, a man Dr Connor treated shortly before he was killed, so, _Doctor_,' he turned to Lucy, making no attempt to conceal his irritation, 'what caused the two of you to argue and had you talking for two hours in a coffee shop?'

Lucy straightened up slowly, all colour gone from her face.

'I…….I……..'

She swayed. Flack was just in time to catch her as she fainted.

* * *

'How much longer?'

Flack shrugged his shoulders as he consulted his watch to see it was now 30 minutes since they had been kicked out of the room after Lucy had fainted. In that time people had been coming and going from the room and a scanner had been wheeled in. That had Flack wondering………one idea as to why one would be needed springing to mind. He tried to dismiss it as a cliché but it wouldn't leave him alone. He glanced at Danny wondering if the same line of thought was running through his mind too.

Footsteps made them both look up. Hawkes was striding along the corridor, concern obvious on his face. Flack opened his mouth to speak, expecting him to say something, but he passed them as if they weren't there and headed into the room.

Flack turned to look at Danny,

'You two still not sorted things out?'

Danny shot him a sour look before dropping his chin back onto his chest, as he slouched against the wall, hands stuffed into his pockets. A few more minutes passed before the door opened and the scanner was wheeled out. Flack caught a glimpse of Hawkes sitting on the bed, hugging Lucy, before Emily appeared in the doorway. She pointed at Danny,

'You can come in,' she moved her hand so she was pointing at Flack, 'you need to stay here.'

She stepped into the corridor, allowing Danny to move past her into the room, before closing the door and moving to take the seat next to Flack.

'What the hell is going on? You don't get to tell me I can't question someone –'

'I do when that someone is my patient….'

She stopped abruptly and Flack stared open mouthed at her. Not such a cliché after all.

'She's pregnant…….she's pregnant and Messer's the father……that's what you were talking about, isn't it?'

She scowled at him, obviously furious with herself, as she nodded curtly. Before either of them could say anything the door opened and Danny stormed out, closely followed by an irate Hawkes.

'Messer, come back here.'

Danny swung around

'Or you'll do what.'

The two men were toe to toe. Flack moved to intervene.

'You need to listen to her, not run away like a child.' Hawkes looked as if he was having trouble controlling himself. Danny spoke wildly,

'Listen to her? After the crap she's just told me…….I don't believe her, it's not mine –'

Hawkes fist connected with Danny's jaw sending him sprawling on the floor. Flack managed to get himself between the two men, wearily reflecting that this was becoming an unpleasant habit. He looked up to see Lucy standing in the doorway, staring in horror at the scene before her.

Emily moved to her side, speaking to Lucy, whilst glaring at Danny, sarcasm dripping from every word; 'well, it must be a relief now that's over……………..and to think you were worried that he'd react badly,' she switched her gaze to Hawkes, 'nice right hook, Sheldon.'

Danny scrambled to his feet; anguish showing in his eyes. Flack took a deep breath

'I think maybe Danny needs some time to take this in,' he looked at Lucy. She was staring at Danny, and he could swear he could see sympathy etched on her face. He spoke to her, his voice gentler than previously

'Are you OK?'

She glanced at him and then nodded as Hawkes moved to her side and wrapped his arm around her. The body language left no room for doubt as to the closeness of their relationship.

'So how do I know this kid's mine then?'

Flack tensed at Danny's question; he saw Lucy's arm tighten on Hawkes, but before Hawkes had a chance to react Emily moved between them, her face inches away from Danny, incandescent with rage

'You fucking moron; of course it yours. You don't think she'd give everything she's got for it to be Sheldon's? You think she wants to be pregnant with a kid by some self pitying wanker?'

Flack grabbed Danny and started to push him down the corridor, 'come on man, you need to calm down and think before you say anything else you won't be able to take back.'

Danny pushed his arm away violently before he swung around and stalked off down the corridor. Flack turned to look at the group by the door. Both Hawkes and Emily were fussing over Lucy, she however was paying no attention to them, instead she was watching Danny walk away. She met Flack's eyes

'Tell him when he wants to talk to call me……….tell him………..' her voice trailed away. At Flack's brief nod she allowed Hawkes to lead her back into the hospital room leaving Flack and Emily alone.

'I still need to speak to you about yesterday.'

She shrugged; 'yeah, well, whatever.'

Anger bubbled up inside him. 'Dr Lewis, we appear to have a serial attacker on the loose; one who is targeting this hospital. If you can spare some of your precious time you might have some information that will help us stop them before anyone else dies.'

She shot him a furious look, 'I'll come to the precinct later _Detective_. It'll give you some time to come up with some questions that might actually establish any useful information I have.'

He scowled, 'make sure you do.'

She placed her hands on her hips, a mocking look appearing on her face, 'or you'll do what?' Arrest me?' she let her eyes run up and down his body appraisingly, sending a sudden and unexpected heat to his groin.

She sauntered towards him, her hips swaying deliberately until she was standing in front of him. She tilted her head to meet his gaze as she purred, 'You know, I might quite enjoy that,' she fingered the handcuffs on his belt, 'especially if you promise to use those on me.'

His tongue seemed twice its usual size as he struggled to form a response to this unexpected turn of events. He searched her eyes; she was laughing at him. He dropped his head so that it was next to her right ear

'Careful _Doctor_, I could have you for sexual harassment.'

She pulled back, contempt showing on her face,' too rich for your blood, _Detective_? Better go and play nursemaid to your friend then hadn't you.'

With this she swung around and sauntered back to the room, her hips swaying provocatively. He watched until she entered the room and closed the door before turning and heading off to see if he could find Danny.


	17. Closing the Gap

**Authors Note: **Huge thank you to **Elainhe** for her help with this chapter; however, any and all mistakes are mine!!

Apologies for the delay in getting this published. I was away in Derbyshire. It is a beautiful part of the UK (if you get the chance you should go) however it is somewhat lacking in internet access (well, the bit I was in was anyway!)

The next chapter should be up very soon however I will be in the US for two weeks and so it will depend on having access to the internet.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. If I didn't manage to send you a thank you I apologise. I really do appreciate your feedback and your comments and promise I will thank you properly next time.

* * *

**Chapter Seventeen – Closing the Gap**

_Who dares deny that this is true:  
The whole is more than all its parts?  
A whole love than divided love,  
Or than half love from fifty hearts?  
Yet who dare either this deny:  
The part is more than is the whole?  
That treasures halved with one dear love  
Are more than double to the soul?_

_Arthur Dillon_

* * *

There was a roaring in his ears as he opened the fire escape door with a vicious kick.

'_There isn't any way to break this to you gently Danny…..'_

He ran down the stairs, desperate for some air.

'…_.so I'm just going to say it…..'_

He pushed angrily at the door, not caring that it slammed into the wall, as he stepped out onto the street. For a moment he stopped, taking deep breaths in a futile attempt to calm his racing heart.

'_I'm pregnant….'_

He slumped against the wall, his head in his hands.

'……_and it's yours.'_

His jaw was throbbing. He straightened up and fingered it, remembering the anger on Hawkes face.

'_I don't believe you….you're….you're lying……it can't be mine…'_

He wanted to believe that she was lying; wanted to believe that for some malicious reason known only to her she wanted to tip his life upside down and stomp all over its shattered remains, but he knew that she didn't. The sadness in her eyes, even as he accused her of lying, told him she knew what she was doing and wished she didn't have to.

He thought of Lindsay. Was it only last night she had announced she was moving in because she didn't want Doug coming between them? He groaned aloud; the problems presented by a pissed off overly protective big brother were nothing compared to the ones caused by a pregnant ex-girlfriend. He struggled to take in the enormity of it, wondering how a relationship that had already had to overcome so much could possibly overcome this.

Pain twisted his insides at the thought of her reaction when he told her. He took a deep breath, desperately trying to get his head around what had just happened, but it all seemed like a dream……..like a nightmare.

A hand on his shoulder made him jump. He looked around to see a sombre faced Flack standing next to him. Flack opened his mouth then closed it again, seemingly unable to find the words he needed. Danny couldn't blame him, after all what was there to say?

For a while the two men stood in silence. Danny felt strangely disconnected from the situation, as if he was watching himself. One phrase kept repeating itself over and over in his brain.

_I am going to be a father. I am going to be a father. I am going to be a father._

The injustice of it all pierced the numbness and he balled his fists tightly as the anger once again coursed through him.

'It's not fair.'

He hadn't realised he had spoken aloud until Flack shifted his weight from one foot to the other, murmuring.

'No…..no it isn't.'

Danny clenched his jaw tightly as he ground out.

'We used condoms………..I mean………..we used condoms, so how the hell……..'

His voice trailed off. Flack obviously realised that the question was rhetorical because he restrained himself from repeating the statistics. Neither man said anything for another minute or so, then Flack sighed and straightened up from the wall he was leaning against.

'She said to call her when you are ready to talk.'

Danny stared blankly at him. Flack rested a hand briefly on his shoulder.

'Come on, Mac'll have your ass if you go awol. I'll drive slowly; give you some time to think about how you're going to tell Lindsay.'

Danny's heart lurched at the mention of Lindsay's name. He shook his head.

'She'll never forgive me for this, never.'

Flack regarded him thoughtfully. 'I think you're underestimating Lindsay. I'm sure this is going to be tough for her but if she loves you she'll see this through with you…' He hesitated a moment before he continued, 'Hawkes is obviously OK with it.'

'Fucking hero.'

Again, Danny only realised he had spoken aloud when he saw Flack shake his head, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

'Come on, we need to get going.'

He started towards the car; after a moment Danny followed slowly behind him.

'When did she tell you?'

Flack looked around, surprise on his face.

'When did who tell me what?'

'Lucy. When did Lucy tell you to tell me to call her?'

'After you'd picked yourself up off the floor and left.'

Danny hesitated; the expression on Flack's face changed.

'No. No, you are not going back in there…..not until you've had time to sort yourself out and you've told Lindsay. You go in there hot headed and accuse her of lying and you'll end up in the ER…..'

'He won't catch me off guard again.' Danny spat out.

Flack looked pityingly at him;

'Not Hawkes you fool; Emily. If you're prepared to cross that woman you're a braver man than me.'

* * *

'Shouldn't you be at work?'

Hawkes didn't answer immediately, preferring to keep his full attention on the car in front of him who seemed to have no idea where he was going. Once the driver seemed to make up his mind he glanced sideways at Lucy, sitting pale-faced next to him.

'I told Mac I had a family emergency so he's given me a couple of hours off.'

Out of the corner of his eye he saw her nod thoughtfully and then a slow smile spread across her face.

'Family……..I like that. It's been a long time since I've had a family.'

They were in her street; astonishingly a space had opened up outside her building. Hawkes swung in quickly, parked and then turned to look at her. He could feel his heart pounding in his ears as he tried to keep his voice casual.

'You know you haven't given me an answer.'

She stared at him, her forehead creased in a frown as she tried to work out what he was talking about. He spoke quickly.

'When I asked you to marry me…………you never gave me an answer.'

The change in expression on her face was instant; the frown gave way to comprehension and then to a blush.

'You……you really meant it?'

She sounded uncertain, but there was a note of hope in there too. His heart was thundering in his chest as he reached for her hand.

'I meant it. I love you Lucy; I want us to be together………all of us.'

He gently placed a hand on her stomach. She reached for it and raised it to her lips, pressing a kiss against its palm.

She kept a tight hold of his hand as she nodded, too choked to speak. He moved, closing the gap between them, his free hand reaching to cup her jaw.

'You will?'

They were both laughing now as she nodded repeatedly.

'Yes….yes, I'll marry you.'

The gap disappeared as he pulled her into his arms and kissed her.

* * *

Lindsay stretched and yawned; the bath water was just reaching the 'too cool' stage. She idly contemplated adding some more hot water before deciding that she should really get out and sort out some food for them.

Climbing, reluctantly, out, she quickly dried herself, trying not to feel disappointed that Danny wasn't back yet. One of the many delights and advantages of her moving in was that Danny's bathroom, unlike her own, had a bath tub, and she had definite plans as to how they might gain maximum benefit from that. However it did involved him coming home.

Pulling on a pair of sweat pants and a t shirt she headed into the kitchen. The clock on the wall showed that it was 6:30pm, two hours since he had clocked off. She fingered the phone, trying to decide whether she should call him again, aware of a cold sensation creeping over her. Maybe he wasn't OK with her moving in; maybe this was his way of showing her that he wasn't the type to come home to a girlfriend every evening. Maybe, in her determination to 'fix' what she had broken when she had pushed him away, she hadn't noticed other problems.

She abandoned thoughts of starting dinner and wandered through to the bedroom, picking over memories of the previous night. He had certainly said all the right things, and done all the right things, to convince her that, once he was over the shock, he was happy that she was moving in. It had been him who had insisted that she unpack her suitcases; him who had insisted that she take half the closet and drawer space; him who had insisted that her suitcases could be packed away because she wouldn't be needing them anytime soon.

She straightened the covers on the bed, heat spreading through her abdomen as she remembered their love making. She wished she could believe that it was a gauge of their relationship because if it was then everything was absolutely fine.

_You're an investigator Lindsay, and all the evidence points towards things going well, everything that is except that he isn't back yet and he should be………….._

She picked up the phone and dialled his number.

* * *

The number of his apartment flashed on the screen of his cell phone. He hesitated a moment before he hit the button to refuse the call and then switch it off. If he spoke to her now she would know something was wrong and he didn't want to tell her over the phone, he wanted to tell her face to face, once he had everything straight in his own mind; once he knew all the facts.

He squared his shoulders and knocked on the door. Footsteps, then the door opened.

'Danny'

He forced himself to meet her eyes; the tension that gripped him eased imperceptibly as he saw that she was feeling as uncomfortable as he was.

'You said to call you but…………'

She nodded and stood back. He walked in and headed for the kitchen. A man's jacket was hung on the back of one of the chairs. He stopped.

'Is Hawkes here?'

She raised an eyebrow at the coldness of his tone as she shook her head.

'No, he took some time off earlier to bring me back from the hospital so he's working late to make the time up.'

Danny stared at her. He'd had to force himself to look at her when he arrived; now he didn't seem able to stop staring at her. The softness in her expression as she spoke about Hawkes and the tinge of colour that it bought to her too pale cheeks told him everything he needed to know.

'So you and Hawkes…..you're on then?'

He knew his tone was still cold when her eyes blazed.

'Yes we are. You have a problem with that?'

He hesitated, then shrugged.

'Just don't understand why we happened if it was always Hawkes. He was the Doctor right? The one who 'didn't know you existed'?'

Her face was carved granite and her voice icy as she replied.

'It's complicated, kinda like you and Lindsay.'

He flinched and saw a brief flash of satisfaction in her expression as she registered that she had got to him as successfully as he had just got to her.

She indicated toward the refrigerator.

'Do you want something to drink?'

At his head shake she waved towards one of the chairs as she sat down on the window seat.

'Well in that case why don't we stop the bickering and talk about the baby?'

* * *


	18. New Yorks Finest

**Authors Note: **Please excuse the mistakes, this is un-beta'd because I wanted to get it posted quickly.

Don't be cross………….

* * *

**Chapter Eighteen – New Yorks Finest**

_The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want. _

_Ben Stein_

* * *

Stella slowed to a walk half a block from the restaurant.

Changing her mind multiple times about what she should wear had made her nearly 40 minutes late. She hated being late. All the womans magazines might say that appearing cool and disinterested was the way to get a man's attention, and that turning up late for a date was the best way of appearing cool and disinterested, but it had never been her way.

Anyway, she wasinterested; she was _very_ interested.

Cursing herself yet again for forgetting to enter his details in her phone, or at the very least bring his card with her, she walked slowly, ruefully aware from her now aching feet that Jimmy Choo sandals were not designed for running in.

_I know calling you the same day blows rule number whatever of the dating handbook, but I've never been one for following the rules so how about dinner tomorrow night, D'Alto's, my treat? _

She tried to remember the last time she had felt like this before a date; anticipation, excitement and terror, in equal measure, bubbling inside of her. It had been a long time.

Checking her watch as she arrived outside D'Alto's she cursed aloud as she realised how late she was; a feeling of dread dampened the excitement as she prayed silently that he would have waited for her.

'Hello'

The voice behind her made her jump. She turned to see Doug standing a few feet away; the smile he gave her warmed her, like the sun on a summer's day, and she found herself smiling back.

'Are you just arriving, or just leaving?'

He held up his phone,

'Neither. My date was late and so I thought I'd call her and see what was keeping her. She has this very demanding job and I thought if she was held up by a case then maybe she would appreciate pizza at her desk, instead of New Yorks finest cuisine.'

The gentle teasing in his voice, and the warmth of his smile, told her that he wasn't upset that she was late.

'Pizza at my desk?'

'Or Chinese, or Thai, or a hot dog. I'm not bothered what we eat, or where, I'm more interested in the company.'

The way he was looking at her was making her feel hot in more ways than one. She took a deep breath;

'I could lie and tell you that I discovered the vital piece of evidence that broke the case that has perplexed us for weeks...but I'm afraid it was nothing more than a classic case of not being able to decide what to wear.'

His eye's dropped from her face to take in the tight fitting emerald green dress showing beneath her coat, before returning to meet her eyes again. He laughed.

'Well, if my opinion counts for anything, it was a good decision.'

He crooked his arm invitingly as he continued, 'So, Detective, would you like to eat here? Or would you prefer pizza at your desk?'

The heat pooled in her stomach; a sudden image of them lying on rumpled sheets, eating cold pizza, flashed into her mind.

'Well, if you prefer pizza over some of the finest cuisine New York has to offer…..'

She let her voice trail away suggestively and he laughed again.

'I'm very interested in New Yorks finest,' she suddenly wondered if he was talking about the restaurant. He switched his gaze from her to the door, 'Guess it won't hurt to _start_ with the finest _food_, will it?'

Her legs were feeling weak. She told herself it was from running in high heels but she knew it wasn't. The way he was looking at her left her in no doubt what he was really talking about. He turned back to face her, his arm still crooked, an eyebrow raised in question.

She stepped forward and took his arm. She could feel the muscles bunching at her touch and the heat radiating off him. Even in heel's she had to tip her head up to meet his eyes. When she did the look in them liquefied the heat in her stomach, sending it pulsing between her legs.

In a desperate attempt to collect her scattered wits she tried to find a less sexually charged topic of conversation.

'So how did you get a table here at such short notice? Unless you're an A list celebrity this place usually has a waiting list of over a month.'

He didn't answer immediately; instead he reached to open the door, dropping her arm as he did so. Before she could mourn the loss of contact he had opened the door for her, ushering her through it with a hand placed gently in the small of her back. To Stella it felt as if he had laid a hand on her naked flesh. His head dropped so that his mouth was next to her right ear; his breath caressing her neck as he murmured.

'I've always wanted to eat here, and if I want something badly enough I'll do whatever it takes to get it.'

* * *

'Fuck'

Flack scowled at the ringing cell phone.

_This had better be a fucking emergency_.

It was 9:30pm; not that late but he had worked all weekend and then, thanks to a robbery in midtown, ended up pulling a double shift today. All he wanted to do was to sit and stare at whatever rubbish was on the box, drink his beer and then fall into bed for a long dreamless sleep.

He didn't bother checking the number.

'Yeah'

He also didn't bother to make his voice sound anything other than how he was feeling; pissed off and tired.

'Detective Flack?'

He knew who it was as soon as he heard his name. The accent had intrigued him earlier but in the circumstances he hadn't really wanted to start asking her about it.

'Doctor Lewis.'

'Yes…..I'm sorry to call so late….'

The mocking and the aggression of earlier were missing from her voice; in its place was uncertainty. It seemed so out of place it piqued his interest. The tiredness fell away from him and he sat up straight.

'Are you OK?'

'Yes…..I'm fine…..I'm sorry I didn't come by earlier I just needed some time to think……..'

He frowned.

'It's OK; we can do the interview tomorrow if that's better for you.'

'Well actually…….er, no, no………..look I'm sorry I shouldn't have called. I'll call you tomorrow –'

'Where are you?'

He was standing up now; slipping his feet into his shoes and reaching, without even thinking about it, for his badge, his gun and his wallet. She hesitated a moment, then the words came in a rush.

'I've remembered something, at least I think I have, it might be nothing, but –'

He interrupted again,

'Where are you, Emily?'

She sighed softly, then spoke in a whisper so that he had to strain to hear her.

'I'm at the W.'

'I'm on my way. I'll call you when I get there.'

He put the phone down and paused for a moment, wondering what the hell he was doing going to a witness's hotel room at night, then closing the door firmly behind him, he headed for his car.

* * *

He arrived at the hotel, handed his keys over to the valet and headed inside, reaching for his phone to call her.

'Detective'

He swung around to see her standing behind him. She was wearing a navy close fitting long sleeved T shirt and jeans. A scarf around her neck hid the bruising he knew was there. Her hair was scraped back from her face in a high pony tail and she didn't have a scrap of makeup on. Flack thought she looked beautiful.

He also thought she looked uncharacteristically subdued.

He took her arm and guided her to a chair, taking the seat next to her.

'You don't look so good.'

The concern in his voice bought tears to her eyes. She dashed them away impatiently.

'Don't go being a nice guy. I had you marked down as a cocky, smart ass New Yorker; all mouth and trousers. If you're nice to me I might just cry and I _don't_ cry.'

Despite the situation he found himself laughing as he answered,

'Well, I am a cocky smart ass New Yorker……but I can be a nice guy as well, so...'

He reached into his pocket and found an unused napkin from earlier in the day when he had grabbed a hotdog. He held it out to her, pleased to see a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. The smile disappeared as tears sprang to her eyes and she grabbed the napkin from him, as she half laughed half sobbed,

'I really don't know what's wrong with me.'

He reached forward and tilted her chin up so that she was looking at him. The desperation, close to fear, in her eyes shocked him. He spoke gently.

'You were nearly killed…..just over 24 hours ago. You think anyone gets over something like that quickly?'

Another thought sprang into his head.

'And why are you here anyway? Couldn't you stay with Lucy and Hawkes?'

For a long moment their eyes held then Flack withdrew his hand. She looked away briefly; when she looked back the emotion was gone, a calm mask in its place. For a second he wondered if he had gone too far but when she spoke she didn't sound angry.

'Yes I could have, and they both asked; actually Lucy asked several times, but they...' she hesitated, then, 'well, lets just say they need some time on their own tonight, and, to be honest, I thought I'd be better on my own anyway.' She smiled ruefully.

Flack briefly wondered what could have happened in the last few hours that had Emily believing that Hawkes and Lucy needed time on their own, before pushing that to one side. She had asked him here to tell him something she had remembered; he knew he should ask her what that was but he didn't want her to think he was in a hurry to go when the truth was he wasn't. He found her intriguing and if her needing company gave him an opportunity to get to know her a little bit better then he wasn't complaining. His thoughts were interrupted.

'Have you eaten? The bistro here is good and I haven't eaten in nearly 36 hours.'

He raised his eyebrows. She correctly interpreted the meaning behind this as she continued,

'OK. I haven't eaten anything but _hospital food _in 36 hours. I'm a doctor, take it from me, if mans survival was dependant on eating the muck they serve we'd be extinct within the year.'

He grinned at her, suddenly aware of how hungry he was.

'Sure, I could eat something.'

She attacked her food ravenously, eating as much as he did, and he found it refreshing to eat a meal with a woman who didn't feel the need to check the calorie content of everything on her plate. Their conversation over dinner covered every subject _except_ her attack. Flack found himself telling her all about his childhood and how he had always known that it was expected that he would follow in his father and grandfathers footsteps and join for the NYPD. In turn he learned that the accent was a result of her English upbringing until the age of 16, when her family had moved to Washington DC; how she had always wanted to be a doctor, determined to follow in her mothers footsteps and specialise in cardiology but had instead ended up becoming an OB GYN. The only time things faltered was when he enquired about why she had changed her mind. The shutters had come down briefly and she had changed the subject. He didn't protest, just filed it away as a puzzle for another time.

Over coffee he decided to take a chance and ask her about Lucy, curious to know more about her. He had expected her to be wary but she wasn't, instead he learned how she and Lucy had been best friends since they were 17; had gone to college and then medical school together and that it was only when Lucy had become engaged to a Marine and moved back to Washington DC they had been separated. Listening to her talking about how they had become so friendly with Hawkes had him speaking without thinking;

'I don't understand why it has taken so long for her and Hawkes to get together.

The change in her expression was immediate and the shutters came down. He leaned forward, reaching towards her; his hand hovering in space, inches from her arm as he spoke urgently.

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry; its just they seem so good together and I can't understand why they didn't realise how they felt about each other before now.'

She met his gaze, distress showing briefly in her eyes.

'Actually, it's my fault they didn't get together sooner. I was in a bad place and I did something I'll always regret.'

He nodded briefly, knowing it was pointless to ask her to tell him more. The more he got to know her the more she intrigued him. She continued,

'Anyway, I suppose we had better talk about last night.'

He smiled encouragingly at her, his mind clicking over into detective mode.

'Sure, whenever you are ready.'

She nodded, biting her lip fiercely as her gaze slipped past him into the middle distance as she marshalled her thoughts. He waited patiently for a minute or more before her eyes focussed again and met his.

The…..the person who attacked me……they said something to me, or at least I think they did.'

He sat forward, his interest truly caught now.

'OK, what is it you think they said to you?'

'It was something like, '_she deserves better than you' _or _'she's better than you.'_ something like that.'

Flack stared at her, his mind in a whirl, as he asked

'And you thought the person who attacked you was female?'

'Yes'

'Hmmm, ok, er, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?'

She gave him a look as if he had just escaped from the lunatic asylum, obviously wondering why he was asking when they had just been sharing their life histories with each other.

'Knock yourself out.'

'Have any recent relationships ended badly?'

'Relationships?'

She raised her eyebrow, the faintest hint of a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. He groaned; she knew what he meant, he was certain of it, but she had obviously decided to make him work for this piece of information.

'Yeah…..er, you know, romantic or sexual relationships.'

'You mean have I had a relationship with a woman that has ended badly, don't you?'

Flack shifted uncomfortably, not wanting to ask himself why it was that he was struggling to ask _her_ this question.

'Yeah….well, any relationship really.'

He could tell she was enjoying his discomfort as she answered.

'OK, well let's see. The last time I had sex was nearly a month ago. It was with an ex _boy_friend who was passing through New York. It was a fun, no strings attached hook up and we both went our separate ways in the morning, although I have to say I'd forgotten how little imagination he had. Shouldn't have really, it was why we spilt up.'

She shot him a wicked look and he found himself momentarily distracted at the thought of what she meant by 'imagination'. He remembered her joke about the handcuffs earlier in the day and wondered if maybe it hadn't been a joke...

He realised she was still speaking and forced his mind away from images of her handcuffed to his bed.

'...before that it must be nearly six months since I spilt from my last boyfriend. The split was amicable, so no, no relationships, romantic or sexual, have ended badly in a while.'

She leant forward and he found himself mirroring her. She lowered her voice so he had to bend closer to hear her.

'And just so you know, I'm straight.'

She looked him right in the eye as she said it, a teasing note in her voice. He felt himself blush and hoped to hell that the low lighting would hide that fact from her.

He straightened up and spoke briskly, trying to regain control of the conversation.

'OK, well, glad we sorted that out.'

He _hoped_ he sounded calm and detached; he suspected he didn't.

'What about you?'

'Huh?'

Control spiralled away from him again. She repeated her question, a wicked look in her eyes.

'What about you? You straight? Bi? Gay? Confused?'

He stared at her as she cocked an eyebrow at him.

'I'm straight.'

He had no idea why he'd even answered the question but he felt some satisfaction at her slow smile.

'Well, that's a relief.'

For a long moment they stared at each other until the reason the subject had come up forced its way into his consciousness. He sighed.

'You know, much as I prefer this line of conversation………' he let his voice trail away as the laughter faded from her eyes and she nodded.

'Did they say anything else to you?'

She shook her head,

'No, just that.'

He thought for a moment, remembering back to their conversation in the hospital.

'You said they were strangling you and then they stopped.'

She nodded again, her eyes never leaving his.

'Did anything happen? You said you heard voices.'

She nodded again,

'Lucy and Sheldon rang. When Lucy started speaking they stopped squeezing and let me go and then they left.'

'It was when Lucy started speaking?'

'Yes.'

The pieces of the puzzle shifted again; none of it was making any real sense but his feeling that Lucy was somehow connected to this strengthened. He remembered something else from earlier.

'And you and Lucy argued in the ER before you went for coffee?'

'Yes. She told me she was pregnant. I told her I could arrange a termination for her and she started yelling at me. Amongst other things, she told me I was an insensitive bitch.'

He stared at her,

'And the two of you are best friends?'

She smiled wryly.

'Believe me, it's not usual for Lucy to call anyone names, but I was tired and I can be somewhat less than tactful at times.'

He grinned, but resisted the temptation to say anything. She continued,

'Everyone heard her. She burst into tears and I hustled her off to the coffee shop. That was it really.'

Flack nodded thoughtfully as the pieces of the puzzle shifted again. Two people attacked. Two people who had seemingly had words with Lucy in the ER before they were attacked.

'Don?'

Emily's voice pierced his thoughts. She was watching him, curiosity showing on her face.

'What are you thinking?'

He smiled, not willing to share his thoughts until he'd had time to think about it some more.

'I'm thinking that you need a good nights sleep.'

She nodded; her expression told him she didn't believe him but she didn't ask any more questions for which he was grateful as he was nowhere close to having any answers...about anything.

* * *

The sound of the key in the door sent a mixture of relief and anger through Lindsay; relief that he was OK; anger that he had kept her waiting all this time with no word from him. She swore that if he smelt or tasted of beer he'd regret it for a long time to come.

Heading into the hall, ready to tell him what she thought, she stopped abruptly at the sight of him. The look on his face wiped the anger away and replaced it with worry.

'Danny? What's happened?'

He leaned against the door, making no effort to approach her. His eyes glittered. She decided it must be a trick of the light, but it almost looked as if there were tears in them.

She stepped closer but stopped as he held his hands up, as if to ward her off.

'Ok, you're really freaking me out now. What's happened?'

He took a deep breath as he met her worried gaze.

'Lucy's pregnant; the baby's mine. She's keeping it.'

* * *

**A/N2: **Ok, I know you were expecting that it would be Danny and Lindsay but I promise the next chapter picks up right where this one ends………………….! 


	19. Nightmares

**Authors Note: **Apologies for the delay in posting this chapter. Real life gets in the way sometimes! **SallyJetson** beta'd – much, much wub as always :)

* * *

**Chapter Nineteen – Nightmares**

_I have had dreams and I have had nightmares, _

_but I have conquered my nightmares because of my dreams _

_– Jonas Salk_

* * *

'_Lucy's pregnant; the baby's mine. She's keeping it.'_

To Lindsay it felt as if time had slowed to a crawl. For the rest of her life she would remember how she had stood frozen to the spot, as her brain slowly processed what he had said to her.

_She's pregnant. She's pregnant and Danny is the father. Danny is going to be a father._

She took a deep breath. She took another. He was watching her, his eyes pleading for...for what? Forgiveness? Understanding? Help? She had no idea. She needed to say something but couldn't think of anything to say. The silence stretched. He shivered, and she noticed for the first time that he was soaking wet and looked exhausted. Her brain kicked into gear.

'You look cold. Take a shower and I'll get us some food and then we can talk.'

'Linds…'

They were tears in his eyes; it wasn't a trick of the light. She stepped forward and grasped his hand.

'Danny, you look exhausted. Take a shower, warm up and then we'll eat and talk.'

She turned to lead him to the bathroom but he didn't move, forcing her to stop and turn back to look at him.

'Lindsay…..I'm sorry…'

His voice trailed off. The hopeless look in his eyes broke her heart but she was still too shocked to be much help to him. She pulled on his hand again.

'Come on. We'll talk after you've showered and changed, I promise. I just need a few minutes to let it sink in.'

She was standing outside her own body, watching herself, feeling nothing.

He nodded and allowed her to lead him to the bathroom. At the door he hesitated, and for a moment she thought he was about to hug her but then he pulled back. She reached for him and wrapped her arms around him. He held her so tightly her ribs protested but she didn't complain. The pain was the first thing she had felt since he had spoken those words and it felt good to feel something...anything. She tightened her arms around him, clinging to him as he buried his face in her hair.

'It's OK…..it's going to be OK……..it's going to be OK.'

She crooned the words over and over again. They stood like that, for what felt like hours, until she gently broke away.

'I'll get some food for us. Take as long as you need, OK?'

She left him and headed slowly to the kitchen. She opened the refrigerator and stared at the contents.

_Lucy was pregnant and Danny was the father._

A flicker of anger gripped her.

_She's a doctor for gods sake………..surely she knows how to __prevent__ a pregnancy? Unless……unless she didn't want to stop it? Unless she got herself pregnant for some reason?_

The anger turned up a notch.

_Danny was going to be a father..._

_It should have been me. It should be us planning a baby; this is all wrong._

The anger gripped a little tighter and now she needed to _do_ something. The beeping from the refrigerator warned her that the door had been open for too long. The thought of food made her feel sick. She closed the door carefully.

She took a deep breath, desperately trying to hang onto some degree of sanity. She needed to stay calm; Danny needed her to stay calm.

_Fuck calm, I want to see that bitch and ask her why she's doing this to us. I want her to look me in the eye when I tell her she can keep her whoring hands to herself. He's mine and he's going to stay mine._

The anger was consuming her, as was the need for action. The shower was still running and she guessed he would be a while yet. Without conscious thought she knew what she had to do. She reached for a piece of paper and began to write him a note. A quick phone call and a favour called in and she was ready.

_It's not fair...its not fair...its not fair_

She closed the door quietly and headed out to the street and hailed a cab. She still felt disconnected with herself, still felt as if she was watching all of this happening.

The journey passed in a blur as his words repeated over and over again in her head. Eventually the cab pulled up outside her destination. As luck would have it someone was coming out of the building and held the door for her, saving her from having to buzz up. The anger continued to grow with every step she took towards the door.

_'She's got no right to do this to him...to us. No right at all.'_

She knocked on the door.

Footsteps approached the door and it began to open as whoever was opening it laughed.

'That was quick -'

The woman was about her height, with long tousled brown hair. She was very pretty. Lindsay felt even angrier. The laughter faded from Lucy's face, replaced initially by a polite smile and then a frown as she took in the expression on Lindsay's face.

'Can I help you?'

_'Yes. You can tell me how come you were stupid enough to get yourself pregnant by my boyfriend.'_

The words screamed in Lindsay's head. She took a deep breath.

'I'm Lindsay Monroe...'

Her words trailed away as she saw the reaction on Lucy's face. For the first time she wondered if she was doing the right thing.

'Why are you here?'

_What a fucking stupid question. You're pregnant by my boyfriend. Why the fuck else would I be here?_

'I want to talk to you. I assume you know why.'

She kept her eyes fixed on Lucy's face; a flash of anger in her green eyes and a reflexive movement of her arm had Lindsay expecting the door to be slammed in her face but instead Lucy took a step backwards and to one side. Lindsay took a deep, steadying breath and stepped forward into the apartment on shaky legs, suddenly unsure of what she was going to say.

The slamming of the door made her jump. Lucy walked past her without looking at her or saying a word and Lindsay followed her into the living room. Lucy headed for the fireplace and stood for a moment fiddling with the photos on the mantelpiece. Lindsay waited, uncertain how best to start the conversation. Lucy turned to face her, her expression blank.

'OK, well, you wanted to talk, presumably about the baby, so, talk.'

Her dismissive attitude had the anger roaring through Lindsay again. She took a step towards Lucy.

'Was it an accident?'

'_What_?'

Confusion replaced the blank look on Lucy's face. Lindsay clenched her fists against the desire to hit something.

'Was getting pregnant an accident?'

For a long moment Lucy stared at her, disbelief evident.

'Was it an _accident_? As opposed to what? I deliberately got pregnant by a guy who was in love with another woman? What possible reason would I have for doing that?'

'Maybe you thought you'd keep him; maybe you heard your biological clock ticking and he looked like a good prospect; maybe you're just sad and lonely and having a child sounded like a good idea. I don't know, that's why I'm asking. You're a doctor. Unless you were asleep in class I assume they told you how to avoid a pregnancy so I'm wondering how you got pregnant, unless you wanted to?'

'You're wondering _how_ I got pregnant? You really want me to tell you?'

The sarcasm dripped from her. Lindsay had to clench her jaw against the urge to scream.

'I - want - to - know - if - it – was - an - accident'

She ground the words out as she clung onto what little control she had left.

'Yes it was.'

The bald statement threw her off balance. She stared at Lucy who met her gaze, her own hands now clenched.

'We used condoms. One must have failed. I assume you can read so I won't insult you by explaining the statistics involved or that no method of birth control short of abstinence is a hundred percent reliable. It was an accident. I know you're angry but being angry with me doesn't help anyone. And whilst we're about that, yes, Danny gets to be a father and doesn't get a choice, but I won't kill this baby...not for Danny, not for you, not for Sheldon.'

She couldn't think of anything to say. The anger still raged within her but she had interviewed enough suspects to know when she was being lied to and when she was being told the truth, and every instinct told her she was being told the truth. She felt tears begin to prick the back of her eyes; she wished she hadn't come. All she wanted now was to be with Danny.

The front door opening broke the spell.

'Hey, I had to go 10 blocks to find somewhere that sold a decent non alcoholic champagne so we can celebrate -'

Hawkes entered the room and broke off abruptly when he saw Lindsay. His eyes immediately swung to Lucy, concern showing in them.

'Are you OK?'

She nodded and he turned his head to look at Lindsay, a faintly critical look in his eyes.

'Why are you here? Did Danny send you?'

If she'd been asked she would have said that he was a friend, someone she could rely on both in the field and out of hours. The look he was giving her wasn't friendly. He looked angry as he moved to stand next to Lucy, placing an arm around her and pulling her to him so that she sank her head onto his shoulder, turning her back to Lindsay, her shoulders starting to shake in a tell tale manner.

Lindsay shook her head, desperate to stop the tears from falling, as she turned and started to walk towards the door on shaky legs. The tears started to fall and she walked faster, wanting to be out of here, to get back to Danny. She fumbled with the door, the tears stopping her from seeing clearly. A hand reached past her and opened the door for her.

'Lindsay'

Hawkes voice was gentle. The tears fell faster; he put an arm around her

'Come on I'll walk you down.'

He didn't say anything until they reached the street. Then, as he started to raise an arm to call a cab, he paused and spoke without looking at her.

'This is Lucy's worst nightmare come true. Her mother had an affair with a married man and Lucy was the result. He never acknowledged her. Her mother married when she was 5 years old. Her step-father was a bastard who never had a good word to say about her. The thought of having a child like this...it terrifies her.'

Lindsay wiped the tears away with an impatient hand as he continued.

'I'm not wild about this either but we have to find a way to make this work.'

He raised an arm and promptly lowered it as a cab pulled up next to them. The rear door opened and Lindsay felt the tears return as a pale faced, grim looking Danny stepped out.

'Danny'

He opened his arms and she stumbled into his embrace, welcoming the warmth of his breath against her cheek as he held her tightly.

'I'm sorry...I just needed...I was just so angry.'

She pulled back so she could look at him, begging him to understand.

'Ssshhh, I know, it's OK. Come on, let's go home.'

She nodded and turned to look at Hawkes, but the sidewalk was empty.

'He's gone back inside. Come on.'

He pulled her gently toward the taxi.

He held her close to him, gently stroking her hair, the whole way home, but neither said a word until they were inside the apartment.

'Danny, I really am sorry -'

He cut her off.

'Lindsay, I'm the one who should be apologising. You didn't sign up for this. If you want to go I understand.'

He was watching her carefully, and she realised that he was expecting her to go, expecting her to walk away. The anger that had driven her to confront Lucy now returned.

'You think I'm going to walk away don't you? After everything we've been through, you think I'll walk away at the first sign of trouble?'

He looked alarmed. His hands came up in an attempt to placate her.

'No, but...hell Lindsay, I'd walk away if I could...but I can't. I can't pretend this child doesn't exist and I can't bear the thought of a child of mine existing and not knowing me as their father. It's not what I want and I'm damn sure it's not what you want but I'm stuck with it; you don't have to be.'

She stepped forward, knocking his hands aside as she cradled his face in her hands.

'I love you, I thought you understood that, and I'm not going anywhere. We'll do this together.'

He nodded slowly; his face relaxing at the fierceness of her avowal. She pressed herself against him and he bent his head and captured her mouth in a gentle kiss. The kiss deepened; hands fumbled with clothes as the need to be close overwhelmed them. He swept her up, carrying her to the bedroom where he made love to her with a tenderness that both surprised and thrilled her.

Afterwards, he fell asleep quickly, the emotions of the day leaving him exhausted. Lindsay lay awake for a long time remembering...

_'Danny, I can't; you have to understand this and you have to accept that we can't be anything more than friends.'_

It seemed so long ago now, but she could remember the cold dread in her heart at the thought of going back to Montana. She wished she could turn the clock back; she wished she had found the courage to tell him what had happened to her; explain why she couldn't be in a relationship with him. She had pushed him away; he had gone to Lucy. Danny had apologised to her as if all of this was his fault ,but she knew it wasn't...she knew who was really to blame, and it wasn't Danny and it wasn't Lucy.


	20. Truce

**Authors Note: **As always a huge thank you to **SallyJetson** for the encouragement (although some may call it nagging!) and the beta.

Here is the next chapter. I hope you enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 20 – Truce**

_Forget, forgive; conclude, and be agreed - William Shakespeare_

* * *

She woke slowly, gradually surfacing from her troubled dreams as she became aware of his hands that stroked, and his mouth that trailed kisses over her body. Warmth pooled in her stomach and between her legs as he moved so that he was lying on top of her. The feel of his body on hers banished the fears of the night that she would wake and he would be gone.

The warmth became a fire that engulfed her as he entered her, the flames raging as he moved slowly, so slowly, all the time showering her mouth, her eyes, her neck, her breasts with kisses between murmuring words of love.

Her name was on his lips as he came, shuddering through his climax moments after she surrendered to her own.

He moved so they were spooning, their legs tangled and his arms wrapped securely around her. She let herself relax into his embrace as the fears of the previous night dissolved. For a while neither spoke then he moved slightly so that his mouth grazed her ear as he breathed,

'You OK?'

'Yes, you?'

'As long as you're here I am.'

She turned so that she was facing him. The truth of his declaration was evident in his eyes; she stroked his face softly.

'I keep thinking that this is all my fault, that I pushed you away and –'

He stopped her, a fierce look in his eyes.

'No…..no Lindsay, don't say that; don't _think_ that. We are where we are; there's no point to recriminations and 'what ifs'.'

She nodded slowly; the dark thoughts of the previous night now banished with the dawn light. She smiled and saw the relief flood his eyes, relief that slowly changed to a predatory gleam.

A predatory gleam that was extinguished by the ringing of the alarm. He groaned. She giggled,

'Come on cowboy………I need a shower and you just volunteered to scrub my back.'

* * *

The only thing on Flack's mind was coffee. Black, strong and lots of it. Short of a walk across to Starbucks the best place to get it was the break room in the crime lab. At least their coffee tasted of coffee, unlike the muck that came out of the machine in the precinct.

He stifled a yawn as he got out of the elevator and headed down the corridor. He hadn't slept well. The previous nights conversation with Emily preyed on him and although he had tried to push the sexually charged innuendo to the back of his mind, and concentrate solely on the evidence she had given him, he had been woken by a dream in which she was handcuffed to his bed. Naked.

He shoved the door to the break room open. He needed to get a social life again. It was 3 months since he'd split up with Janie and it was obviously the lack of sex recently that was driving his thoughts. Emily was a witness; she was a victim; she deserved better than to be the object of his fantasies. She'd looked unbelievably hot in his dream.

He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn't notice Hawkes until he spoke.

'Hey, you want some?'

He held up the coffee pot.

'Huh? Er, yeah, yeah, thanks.'

Hawkes gave him a quizzical look as he poured the coffee.

'You OK?'

Flack pushed away the lingering image of Emily writhing on his bed and focused on Hawkes. Curiosity got the better of him

'How's Lucy doing?'

Hawkes smiled.

'She's good….actually she's really good. Emily recommended some stuff to help with the morning sickness and it seems to be working and,' his smile widened, 'we're engaged.'

Flack's eyebrows hit his hairline.

'Wow….that's….that's great………..I mean that's fast but it's great.'

He shook a grinning Hawkes enthusiastically by the hand as the door to the room opened. The brightness of Hawkes smile dimmed slightly and Flack knew, without looking, who had walked in.

'Sorry, are we interrupting something?'

It was Lindsay who spoke. She was smiling hesitantly, glancing at Hawkes to see his reaction. Flack decided that enough was enough.

'The Doc here's just told me he and Lucy are engaged.'

The room went still for a moment. Flack could feel Hawkes tensing next to him and knew one wrong word or reaction from Danny would result in another opportunity for him to act as a human shield.

'That's wonderful Sheldon, congratulations.'

Lindsay spoke warmly as she stepped forward and hugged Hawkes. Flack watched Danny. His face was unreadable as he observed the tableau unfolding before him.

Lindsay stepped back, her gaze flicking between Danny and Hawkes. The tension in the room was palpable. Danny stepped forward, his hand held out to Hawkes.

'Congratulations.'

Hawkes hesitated then reached out and took Danny's outstretched hand.

'Thanks'

Flack dropped his head to hide a smirk as he grabbed Lindsay by the arm.

'I need to ask you about the Evan's case.'

He hustled her out of the room, closing the door behind them, holding his finger to his lips when she looked like she was about to protest. He led her away from the room before he started to laugh.

'Don…..what are you doing? And what's the Evan's case?'

He was grinning widely.

'I have no idea, first name that sprang to mind.' He glanced back at the break room door. 'They need to sort this out. It'll be easier if they haven't got an audience.'

He switched his gaze to her face. She looked amused and frustrated in equal measure. His face softened.

'And how are you? This must have been a shock.'

She looked away, an embarrassed look on her face.

'Linds?'

She groaned

'Did Sheldon tell you what I did last night?'

'Nooooo'

'I went to see Lucy.'

Flack gawked at her. She shook her head, her face flushing.

'Don't say anything…..just don't say anything.'

He dropped his hand onto her shoulder.

'Come on Linds, don't beat yourself up about it. No-one can blame you for feeling upset.'

She sighed and nodded.

'We've talked. I've told him that we'll do this together…..I know it won't be easy, but….'

Her voice trailed away and she shrugged, her mouth twisting wryly. Flack squeezed her shoulder then dropped his hand as a thought struck him.

'Hey, have you told your brother yet?'

* * *

Doug checked his watch again and scowled. If that idiot didn't get here soon he'd be late for his date with Stella and he had no intention of being late.

He allowed the memories of the previous night to replay in his mind for what had to be the hundredth time that day as he tried to decide what it was about her that had got so far under his skin.

Her eyes?

Her smile?

Her laugh?

Her mind?

Who was he kidding? Every little thing about the woman fascinated him; made him desperate to know more, to get closer. A _lot_ closer.

He was no fool though. He could see the wariness deep in her eyes and whilst he'd made sure she knew how much he liked her, he'd kept enough of a distance so that she didn't feel crowded or pressured. Kissing her goodnight at her door with no more than a lingering brush against her cheek was possibly the hardest thing, literally, he'd done in a long time. But she was worth taking time over.

She was special.

And nothing on gods green earth was going to make him late.

Especially not Danny Messer. Five more minutes and then he was gone.

The door opened and Doug spotted Danny heading into the bar behind a man and a blonde woman who already looked as if she'd had too much to drink despite it only being 6:30pm. Doug signaled the bartender to bring another beer as Danny weaved his way across the bar and slid into the seat next to him.

He didn't say anything; instead he downed the whole bottle of beer in one gulp and then signaled to the bartender for another. Doug raised his eyebrows.

'Tough day?'

He couldn't for the life of him keep the sarcasm out of his voice and saw Danny scowl in response.

_Don't have a go at him, you promised Lindsay you'd give him a chance._

He signaled the bartender,

'I'll have another too, and put them on my tab.'

Danny nodded his appreciation as he took another long slug and then carefully placed the bottle on a coaster on the bar top. Doug watched as he adjusted the coaster, then adjusted the bottle on the coaster, then picked the bottle up and took another drink.

'For fucks sake, can we get to the point? I have a date and I don't intend to be late.'

For a second interest showed in Danny's eyes and Doug cursed his loose tongue. He frowned and looked pointedly at his watch.

'Lucy's pregnant with my baby she's keeping it and I've told her I want to be involved and your sister is standing by me.'

The words came out in one long stream. At their conclusion Danny met his gaze, a clear challenge in his eyes.

Doug hesitated as he tried to take in the information that had just been fired at him but all he could hear was Rebecca.

_'I'm pregnant.'_

He took a deep breath.

_'It's yours.'_

He found he was fascinated by the label on the beer bottle.

_'I'm keeping it.'_

The room was feeling hot. He took a deep breath.

'Right.'

The expression on Danny's face was one of irritation. The past receded as Doug made a huge effort to grab hold of himself.

'What? You were expecting me to kick your ass?'

'I was expecting you to _try.'_

Doug snorted, his ire rising at the implied slight.

'I'd take you one handed Messer, left handed at that. It's your mess; you're a big boy, you'll sort it out. If Lindsay's sticking by you, that's good enough for me, but you upset her and I'll hand you your ass on a plate.'

'Lindsay'll be fine, _I'll _make sure of that... and in your fucking dreams Monroe.'

Doug scowled. Lindsay's phone call earlier was making sense now.

_Hear Danny out and don't be a hypocrite...otherwise..._

She'd left the threat hanging in the air which had confused him at the time but he understood now. Either he played nicely with Danny or she'd make sure his past came back to bite him on the ass. Big time.

He stood up and downed the rest of his beer.

'Look I've got to go. If you're prepared to do right by this kid then you're OK in my book. Truce?'

He held his hand out. Danny eyed him warily, obviously remembering the pissing contest they'd had over handshakes just a few days earlier. Doug plastered an appeasing smile on his face. He wanted to get out of here. He wanted to see Stella. He wanted to stop thinking about the past and start thinking about the future.

The handshake was brief. Doug grabbed his wallet and, after throwing down the money to cover the tab, shoved it into his jacket pocket and turned to go, but stopped as Danny spoke, his voice low and throbbing with suppressed emotion.

'I told Lindsay she could go; that she didn't have to be a part of this...of this _mess_. It's her choice to stay.'

For a long moment the two men stared at each other, then Doug sighed.

'Look, if Lindsay is sticking by you that's good enough for me. I've got to go but...I don't know...maybe we can catch up at the weekend; shoot some pool or something?'

He shrugged awkwardly. It felt like he was asking for a date. He felt like an idiot.

He left Danny having another beer. He had 30 minutes until he had to meet Stella. He pushed away the pain from the memories. His green eyed goddess was waiting.

* * *

She stood in the shadows; watching; waiting.

The door of the bar opened and a man and a girl staggered onto the sidewalk; the girl clutching her companion's arm as she teetered drunkenly on high heeled sandals. The woman frowned as she took in the shortness of the girl's skirt. Her eyes flicked to her face and her lips pursed disapprovingly as the street lights revealed a surfeit of cheap, tawdry make up and dyed blonde hair. The man's hand was roaming freely over the girl's ass; from her giggles the woman could tell the girl had no objection to this treatment.

_Whore._

She fingered the crucifix at her neck. She'd say a prayer at church on Sunday that this girl saw the error of her ways. She pulled her eyes away from the amorous couple and re-focused on the door to the bar. She had a job to do, she mustn't get distracted.

For another hour she waited patiently, ignoring the cold and the drizzle that had started to fall. This was the second night she had waited for him and she'd wait many more if that was what it took.

The door opened again; the beat of the rock music matched the beat of her heart as she saw the man she had been waiting for emerge alone. Her excitement mounted as she realised from his unsteady walk that he was drunk. She allowed herself a small satisfied smile; this made everything much easier.

He lurched off down the street. She knew he lived two blocks away; she also knew he had to walk through a dark alleyway to get to his building. All she had to do now was follow him and hope that the alley was deserted, and then……..then he would pay for what he had done.

He walked slowly, whistling tunelessly, his hands in his pockets. She followed a discrete distance behind him, taking deep breaths in an effort to control the nervous excitement that was building within her. He turned into the alley and she followed, checking carefully to see if anyone was around. There was no-one.

She walked faster, so that as they reached the darkest part of the alley she was immediately behind him. Then she reached out and tapped him on the shoulder.

He started and turned, his arms coming up to defend himself until he saw who it was. He relaxed, a drunken smile on his face.

'Hey, what are you doing h –'

She moved quickly; too quickly for his drink dulled reflexes. His face stiffened and his words ended as the blood began to gush from his neck. His hands came up and he clutched the wound, his eyes meeting hers in a silent, anguished question.

_Why?_

The excitement that had been steadily building within her exploded as he fell to his knees and then collapsed to the ground. Her breathing was ragged and she had to hold onto the dumpster as the release of tension left her legs feeling weak.

She took some deep, steadying breaths. When she had her emotions and body under control again she used his legs to drag him behind the dumpster then crouched down next to him, checking to make sure that he was dead. When she was certain he was she wiped the blade of the knife on his shirt and then straightened up.

'You shouldn't have done it; not to her.'

Her voice was dispassionate as she stared at his corpse. She knew the world was a better place without him in it.


	21. Gut Instinct

**Authors Note: **A massive thank you to **SallyJetson** for the beta and a huge thank you to everyone who is reading this story, particularly those of you who have reviewed. I really appreciate it.

* * *

**Chapter 21 - Gut Instinct**

_This is the nature of genius, to be able to grasp the knowable even when no-one else recognizes that it is present._

_Deepak Chopra_

* * *

The alley was still damp from the rain of the previous night. Flack stared down at the body, trying to breathe through his mouth. The stench from the garbage in the dumpster was making it hard for him to hang onto the cold Chinese take out he'd eaten for breakfast an hour or so earlier. 

'Any ID?'

After a brief search through the victim's clothing Mac produced a wallet. Flack opened it.

'Cash and credit cards are still here.'

He pulled out a drivers licence and compared the photo on it to the face of the victim.

'Our vic's name is Eddie Jackson, aged 22.'

He looked back down at the body.

'Since he doesn't have an extra mouth in this photo I'm guessing he died from that flap being cut in his throat?'

Mac ignored the black humour, well used to Flack's coping mechanisms by now, and indicated towards the wound.

'This looks as if he was cut from the front. See how the cut is deeper on this side, ' he pointed to the wound, 'as if someone was standing in front of him and used a reverse grip on the knife, like this.'

He mimed the action.

Flack frowned.

'Any signs of defensive wounds? I mean, if someone comes at you with a knife like this,' he too mimed the action, 'you'd defend yourself wouldn't you, put your arms up, anything to try and stop them?'

Mac nodded and stood up.

'No defensive wounds. That suggests that he knew his killer and trusted them or at the least didn't believe they were a threat.'

He looked at Flack, expecting a response but didn't get one.

'Don?'

Flack continued to stare at the contents of the wallet. Mac laid a hand on his arm.

'_Don_?'

Flack looked up but didn't speak; instead he handed something to Mac. Mac studied it for a second before frowning.

'Hospital ID card. According to this Eddie Jackson worked as an orderly at St Vincents.' He met Flack's eyes. 'That's the third attack linked to the hospital in a week isn't it?'

Flack nodded grimly.

'Yeah. I think we have a serial killer on our hands.'

'That's a bit of a leap. We don't know that this is linked to the other two attacks yet.'

Mac spoke calmly, ever the scientist, but Flack was sure, _certain_, that these were connected. Call it gut instinct call it anything you like; Flack knew and didn't really care what anyone else thought about it. He shrugged. Mac looked at him thoughtfully.

'OK, assuming these _are_ linked then what's the motive? What connects these people in the mind of the killer?'

'Well, the first victim, Carlos Ramirez, had just left St Vincents ER after telling Dr Lucy Connor that she was, and I quote,' Flack checked his notebook, 'a cockteasing bitch.'

Mac's eyebrows shot up.

'Dr Lucy Connor? As in Hawkes fiancee, currently pregnant with Danny's child; that Dr Lucy Connor?'

'Yep,' Flack nodded as he continued, 'Emily Lewis and Lucy Connor had a row in the ER on the day Emily Lewis was attacked. To anyone watching it would have seemed that Emily Lewis was upsetting Lucy Connor. During the attack she received a call from Lucy Connor and Hawkes to thank her for her help in getting them together. You've heard the call, it was very friendly. Emily Lewis swears that the attacker stopped strangling her as she heard Lucy Connor speaking.'

He waited while Mac digested this, watching his face carefully, trying to get a clue to what he was thinking.

'So you think they were both attacked because they upset Lucy Connor?'

Mac's voice didn't give any hint to what he was thinking. Flack nodded.

'Yes'

Mac looked thoughtful.

'OK, well in that case why don't you go and ask some questions and see what you can find out about our vic. It may be all we have. I'll get the trace back to the lab and we'll see what we find, but the rain may have compromised any evidence that the killer has left.'

With that Flack had to be satisfied.

* * *

Flack's day was heading downhill at an alarming rate which, he reflected wryly, was quite a feat given that it hadn't exactly got off to the best of starts. 

Eddie Jackson had been an orderly at St Vincents; however, that appeared to be the only fact that connected him to the two previous attacks. Flack had spent the last few hours talking to Jackson's bosses, his girlfriend, his parents and the friends he'd been in the bar with the night before. No-one could come up with a reason to explain why he would be attacked.

He'd spoken to a frustrated Mac who had informed him that the trace evidence from the crime scene was non existent thanks to the rain and that they were reduced to hoping that something from the search of Eddie Jackson's locker and apartment would provide them with some evidence.

But what really pissed Flack off was that, so far, he couldn't come up with any connection to Lucy.

Now he was standing in her kitchen, waiting for her to finish a phone call. He had hoped that the connection would be found without him having to speak to her, but as he was hitting dead end after dead end, she was his only option now. He had spoken to Hawkes and briefed him. He glanced at his watch; he had expected that Hawkes would be here by now.

Lucy walked back into the kitchen, the phone clamped to her ear. She was looking at him as she spoke.

'OK, I understand and I'll let him know.'

She moved the mouthpiece slightly,

'Sheldon has to go to a scene in Brooklyn. He can't make it over here.'

Flack groaned and saw her mouth quirk slightly, as if she found his reaction amusing. She turned away from him and her voice lowered, although not low enough that he couldn't hear what she was saying.

'I love you too.'

Another pause and then she laughed softly,

'I'll hold you to that, Doctor.'

The tone was intimate. A brief flash of envy took him by surprise.

'_Detective_?'

He pulled himself together.

'Sorry...er, would you rather wait until the Doc can be here?'

She frowned.

'You're making me nervous. Why would Sheldon need to be here?'

He indicated towards her stomach.

'You're pregnant. You've had one hell of a week and a couple of days ago you collapsed. Hawkes'll kick my butt if I upset you again.'

She laughed.

'Look, I'm fine. The other day was because I hadn't eaten enough.'

She hesitated before continuing.

'Is this something to do with the attacks?'

Flack indicated for her to sit down. She perched on the window seat and he sat at the kitchen table. He pulled out the photo of Eddie Jackson.

'Do you know this man?'

She took the photo and studied it carefully before she met his gaze.

'I'm sorry, no I don't.'

He couldn't keep the disappointment from his voice.

'You're sure?'

She nodded as she handed the photograph back to him.

'Who is he?'

'He's an orderly at the hospital.'

He watched her closely but there was no hint of recognition in her eyes. She frowned.

'In the ER?'

'No, he works in the psychiatric wing.'

'Ah, OK, well then I don't think I've even been in the pysch department yet and I doubt he is in the ER that often, so...'

Her voice trailed off as a frustrated groan escaped him. He smiled apologetically as his mind worked furiously, weighing up the pros and cons of explaining his suspicion that she was the common factor in these attacks. She raised her eyebrows, obviously realising there was more to this than he was saying, as he reached the decision to say nothing. He hadn't found a connection between her and Eddie Jackson and, unless he could, he couldn't see the point in upsetting her. He stood up.

'Thanks. Sorry to bother you.'

She stood up and placed a hand on his arm to stop him.

'Who is he? Is this who you think attacked Emily?'

He shook his head.

'No. This guy was found dead this morning. We wanted to investigate a possible connection to the other two attacks. Looks like there isn't one.'

He smiled at her, but she frowned at him.

'So, why ask me if I know him.'

He could see her brain working furiously and then a sudden understanding appear in her eyes.

'Do you think _I'm_ involved in these attacks?'

She looked and sounded incredulous. He rushed to disabuse her.

'No, no...not involved, but we have to investigate every connection and possible connection. You knew both of the previous two victims so...'

He shrugged. She nodded, looking relieved.

'OK, I thought for a moment you were about to arrest me.'

He laughed, preparing to leave.

'That really would have Hawkes kicking my butt.'

They were both laughing as she led the way back to the front door. She opened it and came to an abrupt halt that had Flack nearly running into her.

'What the...'

Flack stepped around her to see a very surprised delivery man, his arm raised, ready to knock at the door, a huge basket of flowers on the floor by his feet. Flack grinned.

'Boy, Hawkes has it bad doesn't he?'

Lucy shot him an amused look as she signed the clipboard the delivery man held out to her. Flack picked up the flowers and carried them into the apartment. He plucked out the card and presented it to Lucy, a huge smile on his face.

She grinned, took the card and opened it. The smile on her face faded to be replaced by a look of confusion. She handed the card to Flack.

_To Dr Lucy Connor and Dr Sheldon Hawkes. _

_Congratulations on your engagement and the news that you are expecting your first child. _

_God in his wisdom rewards the virtuous. _

_May His_ _wisdom and love guide you in your life together._

* * *

Flack headed back to the lab, unable to throw off a lingering concern about the flowers that Lucy and Hawkes had received. 

Lucy was of the opinion that someone from the hospital had sent them. Flack admitted her reasoning made sense. Everyone at the crime lab knew the baby was Danny's not Hawkes, information she had not shared with anyone at the hospital other than Emily.

Still musing on the absence of a name on the card, and determined to check it out if only to ease his own mind, Flack stepped out of the elevator and came face to face with Mac, clutching a file in his hand, a serious look on his face.

'Adam has looked at the laptop we found in Eddie Jackson's locker at the hospital.'

There was something in his voice that made Flack look at him harder. Mac held out the file.

'Do you know who these women are?'

Flack took the file and stared in disbelief at the photographs it contained.

Twenty or so photographs, all of women in little or no clothing in highly suggestive or downright pornographic poses.

He flicked through the first few before he stopped and looked questioningly at Mac, who immediately explained.

'They have been digitally altered; different heads have been added to the bodies.'

Flack looked closely;

'Its been done well; they don't look like they have been altered.'

Mac nodded as he indicated towards the pictures.

'Do you know any of these women?'

Flack raised his eyebrows shooting an appraising look at Mac; Mac rolled his eyes;

'I'm talking about the faces, although if you recognise any of the bodies feel free to share that information too.'

Flack grinned and began flicking quickly through the pictures. None looked familiar, until;

'Shit'

Mac shot him a sharp look. Flack handed him one of the photos, his mouth clamped in a tight line as he fought hard to contain the rage that gripped him.

'This one...the face is of Dr Emily Lewis.'

'Our second victim; the one who wasn't killed.'

Mac spoke thoughtfully as Flack flicked rapidly through the last few photos, anger twisting his insides.

'No...no...no.'

Each photo of yet another unknown face was punctuated by a denial.

He reached the last photo.

His gut twisted violently. A mix of disgust at what he was looking at warred with a feeling of satisfaction. He had been right.

He held the final photograph out to Mac.

'This is Lucy Connor.'


	22. Guardian Angel

**Authors Note: **Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. Special thanks to **SallyJetson** for the beta :)

* * *

**Chapter 22 - Guardian Angel**

_Unto the pure all things are pure: but unto them that are defiled and unbelieving is nothing pure; but even their mind and conscience is defiled._

_Titus (ch. I, v. 15)_

* * *

'Dr Connor, can I get your signature on this please?'

Lucy looked up from the charts she was finalising to see the ER's admin manager, Paula Goodwin standing next to her, a smile on her face as she continued.

'It's the chart for Mr Pelosi. He's about to be taken up to the ward.'

Lucy checked the chart, signed it and returned it to Paula with a smile.

'Thanks Paula and thanks for the coffee earlier, I really needed it.'

The older woman nodded, blushing slightly. She turned to move away then turned back quickly.

'How are you feeling now, Dr Connor?'

Lucy looked up, surprised by the question. The older woman was watching her closely, concern showing in her eyes. Lucy smiled.

'I'm feeling much better now, thanks.'

Paula hesitated a moment then indicated towards the ring on Lucy's left hand.

'I noticed your ring. It's beautiful.'

Lucy couldn't stop her face breaking into a cheshire cat grin. She glanced down at the engagement ring that Sheldon had surprised her with the night before, her face flushing slightly at the memory of the candlelight, the roses and the lovemaking that had followed him going down on one knee to, as he had put it, propose 'properly'. She glanced back up at Paula,

'Thank you. I love it.'

Paula smiled again and opened her mouth to speak, but stopped as her eyes strayed past Lucy. Lucy turned to follow her gaze and saw Emily approaching, an uncharacteristically subdued look on her face. Lucy frowned.

'What's up?'

'Is there somewhere we can talk?'

She sounded terrible. Lucy stared at her in surprise then checked her watch.

'I'm off in about 15 minutes and then I'm meeting Sheldon in the coffee shop before he goes on shift...or is this something you don't want to talk about in front of him?'

Emily shook her head.

'No, I don't mind Sheldon being there, in fact he might be able to help. I'll head over there now. See you in a few minutes.'

Lucy frowned as she watched Emily head out of the door, wondering what had put her in such a sombre mood.

* * *

Stella stood up and indicated towards the assistant from the ME's office that they could bag up and remove the body she had just finished processing. Lindsay had already returned to the lab with the trace evidence they had collected from the apartment and Stella was ready for Flack to give her a lift back to the lab.

She headed out of the apartment and was about to ask a patrolman if he knew where Flack was when she heard him call her name. She turned to see him approaching, a fed up look on his face.

'No luck door to door?'

Flack pulled a face.

'I've said it before and I'll say it again; this city is full of nuts and this building seems to have a higher percentage than normal.'

Stella smiled as she patted his arm sympathetically. He gave her an inquisitive look.

'What's put you in such a good mood?'

Her smile widened.

'Life's good.'

He stopped abruptly and stared at her.

'Lind's was right. You're dating her brother aren't you?'

Stella blushed faintly and shrugged.

'We've seen each other a couple of times.'

'Really? How many times is 'a couple', bearing in mind you only met him on Saturday?'

Stella shot him a cool look. Flack raised his eyebrows.

'Well, he seemed like a good guy,' he sighed as he spoke quietly, almost under his breath, 'seems like everyone is sorted in that department barring yours truly.'

Stella's ears pricked up. She slipped an arm through his.

'Come on. You can run me back to the lab and tell me all about it.'

* * *

Lindsay burst into the office they shared, her face alight with curiosity.

'So what happened then?'

Danny looked up and tried for a confused 'I have no idea what you're talking about' expression.

'Huh?'

She gave him a disgusted look and placed her hands on her hips as she spoke slowly.

'What was it Flack needed to talk to you about 'man to man' this morning?'

Danny shook his head.

'It was in confidence, and I won't betray that.'

Lindsay looked at him pityingly, then sauntered slowly across to him, her hips swaying. Danny's eyes were riveted to her as she bent over, giving him an excellent view of her cleavage, as she whispered seductively.

'I went to Victoria's Secret earlier...bought that red basque and fishnets you liked so much...it would be a real pity if I had to take them back...'

Danny gulped. He had a choice here; should he maintain the confidence of a man who was closer to him than his brother; who'd been there for him in every crisis he'd faced over the last few years; a man he trusted with his life. Or should he betray him for the sake of seeing Lindsay in that outfit; the one he'd spotted the previous day; the one he'd been fantasizing about ever since.

Why was he even thinking about this?

'He had a date with Emily Lewis last night. She was up for a lot more than a goodnight kiss and he turned her down.'

Lindsay smiled smugly, making a mental note to go out later and actually get the basque and stockings from Victoria's Secret. She slid into the seat opposite him.

'Tell me everything.'

* * *

Hawkes met Lucy's eyes across the bowed head of Emily, a question in his eyes that was met with a shrug from Lucy as she slid her arm around Emily's shoulders.

'Em, you don't ever usually sweat this sort of thing, what's the problem?'

Emily looked up and met her eyes.

'I really like him Lucy...really like him, and I totally screwed it up. He must think I'm...I'm a...'

Her voice trailed away as she bit her lip, tears springing into her eyes. Hawkes reached across and took her hand.

'Em, what did he actually say to you?'

She looked at him despairingly.

'What, after I offered myself to him on a plate?'

* * *

Stella frowned.

'Look, I don't mean to be stupid, but are you telling me that a stunning blond threw herself at you and that's a problem?'

Flack tipped his head back and rested it on the car seat as he closed his eyes.

'We'd had such a good night; you know, laughed a lot, found we had a lot in common. Your ideal first date really. Then it gets to the end of the evening and so I saw her back to her apartment. She asked me in for a nightcap; I went in and we started...you know...'

Flack looked uncomfortable and Stella managed not to smile. She waited while he shifted in his seat before continuing.

'It was great...I mean really great, but at the back of my mind I was thinking that she was nearly killed a few days ago and that I really like her, so I stopped before things went too far and told her I'd better go. As soon as I did she changed...I don't know, became really...hard, I guess. Tried to persuade me to stay...'

He shrugged looking uncomfortable,

'Well, you get the picture. Anyway, I told her that I'd had a great evening, that I'd like to see her again and that I liked her too much to rush things.'

Stella smiled.

'Well, what's the problem?

'Stel, she burst into tears, called me every name in the book, and threw me out.'

* * *

Hawkes arrived at the lab and headed for the locker room still thinking about the conversation with Emily. Lucy had taken her back to her apartment; he mentally corrected himself. It was now _their_ apartment. A long discussion the previous night, after he had presented her with the engagement ring, had led to some decisions being made, chief amongst them was that they would live in her apartment.

He opened the door. The first person he saw was Danny.

His step faltered. They had shaken hands and agreed to put their differences behind them but since then neither had spent any time together except when other members of the team had been there too. The look on Danny's face told Hawkes that he was as taken aback as he was. He squared his shoulders and headed into the locker room.

'Hey.'

He nodded in Danny's direction as he opened his locker, then gave his attention to placing his jacket on the hanger. He heard Danny's locker close but instead of leaving the room Danny came to stand next to him, a wary look on his face.

'Um, just wondered how Lucy's doing?'

If the expression on his face was anything to go by he was expecting Hawkes to be less than friendly. The memory of Lucy's words the night before returned.

_'You and Danny are going to have to get on, and you are going to have to cope with the fact that he and I will need to talk. The sooner the two of you get back to where you were before this all started the better and easier its going to be for everyone. I know its not fun for you and Lindsay but this is what you're signing up for and we can't spend the next months, if not years, treading on eggshells._'

He closed his locker and turned to face Danny.

'She's good. The sickness is a lot better now but she's still very tired.'

Danny nodded, his face relaxing at Hawkes' friendlier tone.

'That's good...er...and how about all this killer business. Is she OK with all of that?'

Hawkes frowned and shook his head.

'I haven't told her Flack's theory or about the photos yet. Tech is still checking out the email accounts on the laptop and I'd rather not say anything to her until we know a bit more.'

Danny nodded, his arms crossed, as he rocked back on his heels. He chewed his lip for a moment before speaking again, his tone careful.

'And how about Emily Lewis? Is she OK after what happened?'

Hawkes hesitated. Something in Danny's voice told him he knew about Flack and Emily's date the previous night. He checked his watch; ten minutes until his shift started. He thought rapidly, then;

'Have you spoken to Flack today?'

Danny obviously understood what he was talking about. He nodded,

'Yeah, and he's totally confused.'

Hawkes sighed.

'Yeah, well Emily has that effect on most people. If Flack's thinking about going there then there are a few things he needs to know.'

* * *

The knock at his door lifted Mac's head from the file he was studying. Flack was standing in the doorway, his eyebrows raised, interested to know why he had received an urgent page from Mac.

Mac waved him in and then indicated towards the documents in front of him.

'We've analysed Eddie Jackson's laptop, including the email accounts, and it seems he and another orderly, Jerome Robson, had a profitable little business going. For a not inconsiderable fee they superimpose the face of the female staff member, of their client's choice, onto a pornographic image. It seems that Lucy Connor was a popular choice and Emily Lewis even more so.'

Flack straightened up, pushing away the knot of fury that gripped him at Mac's words.

'You want me to go and pick up Jerome Robson?'

'No. I've spoken to dispatch and a patrol has picked him up. He's on his way in now.'

Mac frowned as he continued,

'Obviously this gives us a connection to Lucy Connor. Eddie Jackson and Carlos Ramirez insulted and demeaned her and it could have appeared that Emily Lewis did the same. If we assume that this is the reason for the attacks then we need to understand why Lucy being insulted would lead someone to kill. It's an extreme response to an insult, which suggests a very strong connection or attachment to her.'

Flack nodded thoughtfully.

'So you buy that Lucy Connor is the connection?'

Mac hesitated then spoke carefully.

'I agree that it is a strong line of investigation but what I don't want to rule out is that there could be another connection in common for these people.'

'But you agree that its our strongest line of enquiry at the moment?'

Mac nodded.

'Yes I do.'

'Well then, I'm going to start looking at her background more carefully; see if I can find anything or anyone that looks as if they are capable of doing this.'

Flack met Mac's eyes; from the expression in them he could tell neither of them fancied telling Hawkes that Flack was about to rake over his fiancée's past. Flack sighed.

'Rock, paper, scissors? Loser has to tell Hawkes?'

* * *

She felt the now familiar excitement grip her.

All her life she had known she was here for a purpose, that she was destined to make a difference. When she was younger she had thought her destiny lay in being a Doctor, until her father had put an end to her dreams, insisting that marriage was the most suitable career for a woman.

But marriage hadn't happened and she had drifted from one job to another, always searching for her purpose in life. Religion had been her greatest comfort and she had spent many hours on her knees praying to God to give her a sign; for Him to show her what her life's purpose was.

And now he had.

The day Lucy Connor had walked into the ER she had known that her purpose was to protect her; that God wanted her to watch over her, to keep her safe and to punish those who hurt her.

And now she was looking at a man who had hurt Lucy more than anyone...and now it was time for him to pay.

He had been hard to find. She had prayed hard and God had answered her prayers by sending this man to New York. All she had to do now was watch him and wait for the opportunity to punish him for what he had done.


	23. Hearts and Flowers

**A/N: **Firstly, sorry that I have taken so long to update. Combination of real life; the muse getting distracted by other things and a bad case of writers block as far as this fic was concerned!

The muse has is now focussed, real life is taking a holiday and the writers block has gone and I'm now writing a few chapters ahead :).

Big hugs to **sallyjetson** for the usual superb beta and for being a wonderful friend, and a shout out to all the wenches; you guys keep me sane!

Hope you enjoy:)

* * *

**Chapter 23 – Hearts and Flowers**

_All persons are puzzles until at last we find in some word or act the key to the man, to the woman; _

_straightaway all their past words and actions lie in light before us _

_Ralph Waldo Emerson _

* * *

The smell of coffee woke him from his uneasy sleep. Memories of the previous night returned in all their Technicolor and Surround Sound glory and the resulting mixture of arousal and anger drove him from their bed in an effort to track her down.

He found her curled up on the couch, staring into the middle distance, her hands wrapped around an untouched mug of coffee. Although she must have heard him she didn't say a word or acknowledge his presence in any way. He stepped forward, his mouth opening, ready to continue the argument that had started last night when his eye was caught by a splash of red high up. He spoke without thinking.

'How the hell did that get up there?'

The tiniest movement of her head told him she'd heard him but she still didn't say anything. He reached up and hooked the red basque down from the ceiling fan before turning to face her. She was staring impassively at him, her face giving no clue as to her thoughts or feelings. He grinned weakly, holding the basque out towards her.

'You looked pretty amazing in this.'

Her expression remained impassive but one corner of her mouth quirked. He slid onto the couch, dangling the basque suggestively between thumb and forefinger, the feelings of anger fading.

'Its early…we've got time before you have to be at work…'

As he spoke he deliberately deepened his voice and lent towards her. Her face showed her internal struggle as expressions of exasperation, anger and amusement all danced across her features. She put the mug of coffee down and reached for the basque, plucking it impatiently out of his grasp and placing it out of sight, behind the couch as her face settled into an expression of anger.

'Really? I can put it on for you now can I? We don't need to talk anymore then, do we? I wouldn't be…lets see, what was it you said,' she raised a hand, her eyes blazing with anger as he feebly attempted to stop her, 'oh yes, I wouldn't be trying _too hard_ now?'

The anger from the previous night flickered back into life, but the hurt in her eyes stopped him from speaking too quickly and making the whole thing worse. He reached for her hands. She pushed him away but he persisted until she allowed him to take hold of them.

'Linds, look at me.'

Reluctantly her eyes met his.

'You _know_ I loved the whole basque and stockings get up.'

She'd looked spectacular and the sex had been off the scale. Her head bobbed reluctantly. Encouraged he continued, picking his words carefully.

'What I was trying to say, was that you don't have to…to…'

He hesitated, aware from the mutinous look in her eyes that he was in danger of pissing her off as badly as he'd pissed her off the night before. She pulled her hands from his and stood up.

'You think I did the whole seduction scene to prove to you that I'm OK with the baby. You made that clear last night.'

The anger that had led to him saying all the wrong things last night was starting to burn inside of him again. He stood up, catching her by her shoulders before she could walk away.

'You know what? If you're going to second guess everything I say we are going to have a problem. Last night was great. Last night was fucking amazing. Last night ranks as possibly the best sex I've ever had, period, but it still felt as if you were trying to make me forget…what, I'm not sure; Lucy; the baby…I don't know. It's how it felt to me and if we can't be honest with each other –'

His words ended abruptly as he saw tears appear in her eyes.

'Linds, I'm sorry –'

'No…no, don't apologise...you're right,' she searched his eyes with hers then rested her head against his chest as she continued in a whisper, 'I _was_ trying to make you forget. I wanted you all to myself, just for a while. No Lucy, no baby, no work; just us, just for a few hours.'

He slid his arms around her, holding her tightly, his face buried in her hair.

'It was just us. When I'm with you I'm not thinking about anyone else.' He tipped her head back so he could look in her eyes. 'Do you believe me?'

She nodded slowly.

'I'm sorry…..I just don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this child. I mean, it's your child so I want to be able to love it, but if I'm honest, if I had one wish, it would be that it didn't exist.'

He kissed her briefly, his hands running through her hair as she continued.

'So I think you should go and see Lucy and tell her that you,…that _we,_ want to be as involved as she'll let us be.' For a long moment she held his eyes with hers, then, softly, 'Go and see her.'

* * *

xOx

* * *

The flower arrangement sat on the kitchen counter as Lucy and Emily stared at it.

'Have to say, he always struck me as more of a roses kind of guy.'

The look Emily shot her had Lucy struggling to hold back a giggle. She plucked the care card from the basket as she continued.

'Well, we have fluffy pink carnations,' Lucy frowned, 'Can carnations be fluffy?' She shrugged, deliberately not looking at Emily, knowing if she did she'd never be able to keep her face straight. 'Anyway, we have _fluffy_ pink carnations, lavender and yellow daisy pompons, with white and purple accents, all arranged in a handled basket.'

She bit her lip, trying to stifle her giggles as she took in the horror that was growing on Emily's face.

The message card, still in its envelope, was being impatiently tapped by Emily as she continued to stare at the flowers. Lucy pointed to it.

'You going to open it? I mean, they might not be from Don.'

'Who the hell else is going to send me flowers?'

Lucy shrugged,

'True. Maybe this is his way of letting you know he doesn't think you made a complete idiot of yourself the other night.' At Emily's furious look she held her hands up in mock surprise. 'What? I'm just quoting your own words back to you.'

Emily shook her head.

'You're not telling me that Don Flack sends a basket of flowers like _that_ to anyone other than his grandmother.'

'You hope.'

Lucy finally allowed the laughter to escape as with one final glare Emily ripped open the envelope, and took out the card inside. The expression on her face changed from one of irritation to one of confusion. She held the card out to Lucy.

'I don't understand.'

Lucy took the card and stared at the message on it.

_And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, _

_so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. _

_Mark 11:25 _

_Forgive me, I beg you. _

Lucy shivered, suddenly feeling cold as she read the message.

'God, that's….that's _creepy_.'

Emily nodded.

'These didn't come from Don, I'm certain of that, but who the hell else would send me flowers to apologise. I mean, apologise for what?'

Lucy continued to stare at the card, a memory nagging at the back of her mind.

'LUCY.'

She looked up to see Emily staring at her, concerned. She dropped the card onto the counter top.

'The handwriting on this card…..I know this writing….I _know_ I know this handwriting but I can't for the life of me –'

She stopped abruptly as a memory returned.

'I would swear this is the same handwriting that was on the card included with the flowers that Sheldon and I were sent the other day. We never figured out who sent those either.'

* * *

xOx

* * *

Mac closed the door to his office, indicating to Flack that he should take the seat next to Stella.

'Thanks for getting here so early; I know you don't officially start for another hour, but I wanted to review the evidence we have in these attacks which we've linked to St Vincent's and Lucy Connor.'

He sat down and took out three manila folders, passing one each to Stella and Flack.

'Because of Danny and Sheldon's links to Lucy Connor, and Lindsay and Danny being together now I don't want any of them working on this case, agreed?'

Stella nodded immediately, then she and Mac both turned to look at Flack. He hesitated a moment then,

'Yeah, OK, but you should know that I went on a date with Emily Lewis the night before last.'

Mac pursed his lips then nodded slowly.

'Do you feel as if that will affect your judgement?'

Flack shook his head

'No, definitely not.'

Mac nodded.

'Then let's start reviewing the evidence we have so far.'

Thirty minutes later Flack pushed his seat back, his face showing his frustration.

'So we know that Carlos Ramirez was attached after being verbally abusive to Lucy in the ER. His throat was cut from behind and then after he was dead someone kicked him a few times for good measure and stole his cell phone.'

He rubbed his eyes as he continued.

'Emily Lewis was attacked at home after she argued with Lucy in the ER. Someone let themselves into her apartment with a key and tried to strangle her but stopped when they heard Lucy on the answering machine.'

He picked up a pen and started to twirl it through his fingers.

'Eddie Jackson put Lucy's face on pornographic photos and had his throat cut by someone standing in front of him, someone, who incidentally, would have been covered in blood.'

He looked at Stella and Mac who both nodded as he continued.

'So we have three different MO's and the only link between all of these being St Vincent's and or Lucy Connor. We can link the first and second attack with trace evidence, but not the third attack because the rain destroyed it. I've run a background search on Lucy and come up with nothing that helps us at all. Only thing that was at all unusual was that she had a background check run on her by the Department of Defense sixteen months ago.'

Mac frowned

'I know she was engaged to a marine but it's not standard to run a background check on a partner.'

'It is when their fiancée is about to be appointed to head up a very sensitive department in the Pentagon.'

Mac and Stella stared at Flack. Before Mac could ask, Flack shrugged and continued.

'A friend owed me a favour. Couldn't tell me any more than the fact that if he hadn't been killed, Major Joshua Robertson would have been promoted to Lt Colonel and given a highly sort after Pentagon post. However, he did tell me that their check on Lucy showed nothing of any concern either.'

Mac nodded

'OK, so we know that nothing in Lucy's background gives us any clue as to why her name is coming up. We've hit a dead end; I think we need to interview Lucy and tell her that we believe she is a linking factor in these attacks and see if she can come up with anything that can help us.'

Silence fell for a moment before Stella stirred restlessly in her chair.

'You don't agree?'

Mac's question had Stella shrugging.

'No, I do agree, but she's pregnant and as I understand it she collapsed at the hospital when Flack pointed out the connection between Ramirez and Emily Lewis's attack. How is she going to react if we tell her we think she's the reason her best friend was attacked and two other men have been killed?'

Mac nodded thoughtfully.

'Yes, I see your point, but we do need to speak to her.' He hesitated a moment then looked at Flack. 'You said earlier that Emily Lewis is her OB GYN, right?' At Flack's nod he continued. 'In that case I think we need to talk to her and maybe have her present when we talk to Lucy.'

Flack nodded slowly, certain he knew what was coming.

'As you know her best can you go and speak to her?'

He grunted his agreement and made sure that he ignored Stella's smirk as he pushed his chair back and headed for the door.

* * *

xOx

* * *

He arrived at Emily's apartment after checking that she wasn't on duty. He knew he should have phoned first but the thought of her putting the phone down on him didn't appeal and it would be easier to talk face to face…easier to make her listen to him…

The door opened before he could knock and he found himself face to face with Emily; clearly in a hurry and clearly shocked to see him standing there.

'Hi, I need to talk to you –'

'You didn't send me any flowers did you?'

'Huh?'

The question threw him completely and he stared at her, his mind racing, trying to figure out why she was asking about flowers.

An impatient look crossed her face.

'Flowers, you know, grow in the ground, pretty colours, bees collect pollen from them. You'll have seen them in shops. Men send them when they've screwed up and want to apologise.'

Surprise was replaced by anger.

'You think I screwed up and need to apologise? I thought the problem was that I _didn't_ screw you.'

He'd have done anything to take the words back. He expected a slap in the face or, knowing her, a knee in the groin. Instead she started to laugh. He stared at her, not knowing what to think.

'Yes…yes, I guess that was the problem, although, as Lucy has pointed out to me, _my_ problem not yours.'

'I don't understand.'

Which was true; he didn't understand her at all but he wasn't totally convinced that this wasn't part of her attraction.

She stood back to indicate he should come into the apartment. She closed the door before she spoke again, her words tumbling out rapidly, the flush on her face telling him this wasn't something she was comfortable with.

'Look, I'm sorry. I know I fucked everything up between us. I'm just not used to dating anyone nice enough not to take advantage of me when I throw myself at them. I know I have issues and if I could be bothered to have therapy I'm sure some overpriced hack would tell me it's all to do with the crap relationship I have with my mother. I don't expect that you want to have anything more to do with me but...I do like you, and-'

'Its fine and you didn't fuck everything up, just confused the hell out of me.' A snort of laughter escaped her and she finally met his eyes. He continued. 'Look, I'd like to see you again and I'm not saying I don't want sex because I'd be lying through my teeth, but I like you and I'd rather we took our time to get to know each other.'

Her cheeks had a tell tale flush on them. She shrugged awkwardly.

'OK.'

'So with that in mind I won't be accepting any offers for drinks at your place nor will I be inviting you back to my place for a while. We'll do it the old fashioned way…you know, making out in the back of movie theatres and groping each other in alleyways, if that's OK with you?'

'Hmm, you know what? That sounds like a lot of fun.'

He took a firm hold on himself. He'd have to tell her not to do that thing with her teeth and her bottom lip for a while because it drove him crazy. He hardened his resolve and ignored the hardening of other parts of his anatomy.

'Yeah, well, just know that your panties will be staying on and I'll be having a lot of cold showers for a while, agreed?'

'How long for?'

'Until we know all the stupid little things about each other that give a relationship a chance and not just each others favourite position.'

'OK. Well I guess I won't be putting my vibrator away any time soon then.'

He gritted his teeth.

'Nope, I guess you won't.' He needed to get the conversation away from sex toys, away from sex full stop because he wasn't sure just how well his resolve would hold out. A basket of flowers caught his eye and he remembered her initial question. He nodded towards them.

'They don't strike me as your taste.'

'They're not and the message with them definitely isn't to my taste.'

She handed him the card. He read it and then stared at her but before he could say anything she continued.

'Lucy was here. She thinks the handwriting on this card is the same as the handwriting on the card from the flowers she and Sheldon were sent.'

He remembered the flowers and the strange message. He cursed that he hadn't had time to follow it up. He looked at the card again. The message chilled him.

He met her eyes and saw the expression in them change to one of suspicion.

'What? What are you thinking?'

He forced a smile on his face.

'Nothing, but let me have this will you,' he waved the card at her, 'and I'll see if I can find out who sent them.'

* * *


	24. The Lessons of the Past

**A/N: **As always, a huge thank you to **SallyJetson** for the beta and the handholding and **foxdvd** for her comments. I've tinkered a little since it was returned it to me, so any and all mistakes are mine.

We're getting towards the end now…..!

* * *

**Chapter 24 - The Lessons of the Past**

_We can draw lessons from the past but we cannot live in it_

_Lyndon B Johnson_

* * *

Danny knocked at the door and waited. He heard footsteps approach, the sound of the locks being turned, and then the door opened. She looked surprised to see him. He didn't give her time to speak. 

'Hi, sorry to just drop in unannounced but I wondered if we could talk?'

Lucy smiled and stepped back, motioning for him to come in. He realized he'd forgotten how lovely her smile was.

He followed her into the kitchen, glancing hopefully at the coffee pot, disappointed to see it cold and empty. She followed his eyes and the smile on her face broadened.

'You know where everything is, help yourself. I'll be right back.'

He occupied himself for a few minutes finding the coffee, filling the machine and then waiting while the coffee brewed. As it finished she reappeared. Instead of the black pants and shirt she had been wearing she had changed into sweat pants and t shirt.

'You want some?'

He pointed to the coffee pot. She shook her head and instead set the kettle to boil and took out some herbal tea bags. She grimaced at the question on his face.

'My body is a temple and all that crap. No caffeine unless I want Sheldon, and more worryingly Emily, all over my case. I keep forgetting to get de-caff coffee so it's herbal tea at the moment.'

He grinned and took a long ostentatious drink from his mug. She shot him a feigned scowl.

'You can go off people, you know.'

She waved towards the kitchen table and he sat down, watching as she curled herself up on the window seat.

'So how are you feeling now?'

She didn't answer right away; instead she searched his face, as if she was trying to decide whether there was another question there. He threw out his hands.

'What? I'm just asking how you are.'

'I'm ok. So why are you really here?'

The amused look on her face took the sting out of the words.

'Because we're going to have a child together and it would be a good idea if we could be friends.'

Her face was expressionless as she thought about what he had said. Then she nodded slowly, her face remaining impassive as she asked,

'Does Lindsay know you're here?'

He frowned.

'Yeah, she does. In fact she's the one who convinced me it was a good idea.'

Her face relaxed and the smile reappeared.

'OK, well in that case I think it's a good idea.'

He stared at her, confused.

'I don't understand how a woman's mind works. Are you telling me that it wouldn't have been OK for me to be here if Lindsay didn't know about it?'

'Damn right I am. In fact if she didn't know you were here you'd be leaving about now.'

Again, the laughter in her voice took the sting away. He shrugged.

'OK, well, I guess I just don't understand women,' he held his hands up to stop her reply as he continued, 'so I'm not even going to start to try now. I just thought we could talk a bit about how this might all work.' His hand moved back and forth between them.

'Sure, well, I was going to call. I'm having a scan tomorrow and you're welcome to be there...if you want.'

He hesitated, unsure what to say. The thought of being at the scan, of seeing this child, _his_ child, for the first time, left him feeling strangely emotional. She watched the play of emotions across his face; when she realized he wasn't going to say anything she spoke softly.

'Look, I know this is going to be difficult for all of us but having Emily as my OB GYN gives us some flexibility. I got Sheldon to check your shifts and I scheduled the scan so you can be there if you want to be. No pressure; you don't have to come if you prefer not to.'

He knew he wanted to be there, but there was a question nagging at him.

'And Hawkes is ok with this?

'He suggested it.'

'I'm surprised Emily agreed to help, she hates me.'

Lucy stifled a giggle and shrugged.

'She's not your biggest fan but she knows she hasn't given you a chance yet. Anyway, she's got other things on her mind right now.'

Danny nodded slowly. He looked up to see her eyes on him, amusement evident. She raised an eyebrow in question. He rubbed his hand across his mouth trying to find the right words as she stood up, laughing,

'You are useless. Are you going to ask if Lindsay can be there, or not?'

'She thought you might prefer it if she stayed away.'

'Well we didn't get off to the best start but,' she hesitated, 'look, this is none of my business, except it sort of is, so I'll just go ahead and ask you. Can I assume you are serious about her; that she's a permanent fixture?'

'Yes.'

'Good.' She looked relieved. 'In that case she's going to be a permanent fixture in this child's life, so, while I don't want to sell tickets, if she wants to be at the scans that's fine; it's equally fine if she doesn't.'

She chewed her lip for a minute before she carried on.

'Look, I have no idea how this is going to work, and I'm sure there'll be some disagreements along the way, but I think we should try for civil and grown up at the very least. What I'd really like is for us to be friends...I mean, I did like you...do like you...crap, you know what I mean?'

He nodded and stood up, hesitated and then stepped forward and opened his arms. She didn't move and for a moment he thought he'd made the biggest fool of himself, but then she smiled and stepped forward, sliding her arms around his waist as he hugged her briefly.

He stepped back.

'I'd like to think we can be friends too.'

He picked up his jacket and indicated towards the door.

'I should go; I promised Lindsay I'd meet her.'

The phone rang as she led the way to the door. She shrugged apologetically as she answered it.

'Hello'

Her hand froze in mid air as she reached to open the door for him. He glanced at her, surprised; even more so as he saw the expression on her face.

He could hear someone at the other end talking. They hadn't finished when she spoke, her voice throbbing with suppressed anger.

'I told you I never wanted to speak to you again and I meant it. Leave me alone.'

She was shaking as she ended the call. He reached out, laying a hand on her arm, alarmed at her reaction.

'You OK? Who was that?'

She met his eyes and shook her head.

'I'm OK, it's just someone who should know by now that they have no place in my life.'

The coldness of her tone matched the coldness of her words and for a moment she seemed like a stranger. Then she shook her head slightly and smiled although the smile didn't reach her eyes.

'Don't worry about it, I'm fine. I'll see you tomorrow afternoon at the hospital, ok?'

* * *

xOx

* * *

Stella kicked off her shoes with a sigh of relief and sank onto the couch, tipping her head back and closing her eyes for a moment, revelling in the peace and quiet of her apartment; her sanctuary. 

After she'd shot Frankie she had told Flack that no man ever came to her apartment and since then she'd not even allowed a man to walk her to her door.

Not until Doug. She'd let him walk her to the door. Last night they'd stood outside, necking like teenagers, not caring if any of her neighbours had seen them. She'd almost asked him in but before she'd been able to make up her mind he'd said goodnight and left.

She reached into her bag and took out her phone. She had him on speed dial; her inbox was filled with text messages from him; her screen saver was a picture of him she'd taken the first night as he walked her home.

_Face it; you've fallen hard this time._

She'd attempted some casual questioning of Lindsay, wanting, she supposed, some confirmation that she was reading him right, that he was as good as he seemed. Obviously her questions hadn't been casual enough; Lindsay had realised what was going on as soon as she opened her mouth.

Still, she'd learned a lot more about him and all of it went to confirm what she was already feeling; that he was special.

She punched the key that dialled his number. He picked up immediately.

'_Hey gorgeous, I was just thinking about you. You finished for the day?_'

'Hmm, just resting my aching feet.'

He laughed.

'_So I guess you don't fancy doing anything tonight that involves walking, huh?'_

'I don't fancy doing anything that involves me leaving my apartment.'

There was a brief silence at the other end, then he spoke carefully.

'_OK, well I understand, you must be tired. Are you sure I can't persuade you to come for a quick bite to eat with me?_'

For a second she was confused then she realised he had misunderstood her.

'No…what I meant was, why don't you come over and we'll order in, watch a movie…. or something.'

The was another brief silence before he spoke again.

'_Are you sure?_'

He knew about Frankie, she'd told him. He had obviously guessed about how she felt about the apartment. The concern in his voice warmed her and spurred her on; she knew she wanted this.

'Yes, I'm sure. Be here 7pm on the dot.'

* * *

xOx

* * *

Flack got out of the elevator and only just avoided bumping straight into a distracted looking Lindsay. He reached out to steady her.

'You look miles away, penny for them?'

She stared blindly at him for a moment, before recognition flared and then the words tumbled from her lips.

'Danny went to see Lucy earlier. We were supposed to meet up but he got called to that scene in midtown and so I haven't had a chance to speak to him, and….'

Her voice trailed away and she looked embarrassed. Flack slipped his hand under her elbow and steered her in the direction of the break room.

'Come on, I need a coffee.' He pushed her into a seat and then poured her out a coffee before pouring himself one.

She took a long drink from her mug, then she smiled at him.

'Sorry, I know there's nothing to worry about, but….'

She shrugged. Flack reached out and gently squeezed her hand.

'Danny knows how tough this is on you.' He paused then plunged on, hoping he wasn't about to make her feel worse. 'Look, I'll be the first to admit I gave Lucy a hard time when things kicked off between her and Danny, but now I know her a little better...' he shrugged, 'she seems like a nice person, and she's obviously head over heels about Hawkes. I don't think you have anything to worry about.'

Lindsay's eyes dropped to stare at her coffee cup.

'You know, I think maybe I'd stand a chance of liking her if she wasn't so damn perfect.'

She looked back up and tried to explain as she saw his confusion.

'She's smart, she's beautiful and she's trying to do the right thing -'

Flack interupted. '_You're_ smart _and_ beautiful and _you're_ trying to do the right thing too, and as far as Danny is concerned it's no contest. The only thing he was worried about after he found out about the baby was you, Linds.'

'Really?'

A faint colour stained her cheeks and a small smile appeared. He allowed himself a brief moment to wonder at why Danny hadn't made sure she knew this before he squeezed her hand one more time.

'Yes, its the only thing he was worried about.' He decided she needed a distraction. 'Anyway, whilst you're waiting for him to come back and tell you everything is OK, any chance you can help me? It'll have to be on the QT because Mac doesn't want you and Danny involved in the cases.'

He waited, uncertain how she would react to going behind Mac's back.

She hesitated, then smiled. 'Sure, what are friends for? Show me what it is you need my help with.'

'You sure?' He knew Mac would be angry when he found out. Her smile widened.

'I'm positive, now quit stalling and show me what you've got, Detective.'

'You know, I think Messer might have an issue with that.' At her raised eyebrows and half raised hand he grinned and raised his own hands in mock surrender. 'OK, OK. Have a look at these.'

He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out the evidence bags containing the message cards from the flowers sent to Lucy and Emily. Lindsay studied them for a moment before she began to speak.

'Same handwriting on both cards. No shop logo which is unusual, unless the sender used their own cards.' She looked up, a frown on her face. 'The mesage on this one,' she pointed to the card that had accompanied Emily's flowers, 'is creepy.'

'Yeah, it is. I think it's from whoever attacked Emily.'

He waited for a disbelieving look but instead her expression became thoughtful.

'What type of flowers were sent?'

'Huh?' It was defintely his day for being confused about women and flowers. 'Er, I think the card said carnations and lavender and some other ones as well.'

'And what colour where they?'

He frowned. 'Pinks and purples mainly.'

'As I understand it, you think the attacks are by a woman, dont you?' She waited for him to nod his agreement before she continued. 'Women tend to send other women the types of flowers they'd like to receive themselves. Do you know many women who'd like to get the type of arrangements that were sent to Emily and Lucy?'

He grinned, suddenly seeing her point. 'My mother would love them.'

She nodded. 'Exactly. My first guess would be that an older woman sent these.' She picked up the cards. 'I'll dust for prints.'

He sat for a moment after she left the room thinking about the day's developments, feeling the frustration building inside of him as he realised he still had no idea at all who the killer was.

* * *

xOx

* * *

The takeout lay uneaten in its containers; a half finished bottle of wine sat on the table and the TV screen continued to flicker, unwatched and muted, as the DVD that had been playing came to an end.

Two shirts, a woman's and a man's, lay on the floor next to the couch; a skirt lay over the back of the chair and a pair of men's jeans lay at the foot of the bed. A bra was hooked over the sidelight with a pair of men's boxers. Her panties were nowhere to be seen.

Stella propped herself up on one arm and looked down at Doug. He was watching her, his eyes warm, as one hand tangled in her hair and the other traced a lazy pattern over her hip.

'You had something to tell me.'

He grinned.

'You're beautiful, sexy, desirable, intelligent….ow.'

He stopped as she clapped her hand over his mouth, laughing at him.

'No…just after you got here. You said you had something to tell me…something work related.'

'Did I? When?'

'Just before I suggested you'd be more comfortable on the couch…with me.'

He grinned and pulled her down so that she landed on top of him. He raised his head slightly and kissed her.

'Hmmm, and how right you were.' At her raised eyebrows he grinned. 'Oh, OK; just before I left to come here tonight I got a call from a friend. He's a journalist based on the West Coast. He'd read about the killings that are being linked to St Vincent's. He told me about some killings a year or so back in San Francisco that sound very similar. Might be nothing but I thought you'd want to know.'

'Really? How similar?'

He grinned and his hands started a lazy exploration of her body before he flipped her onto her back. He dropped a lingering kiss onto her lips before breathing softly.

'You really want to talk about this now?'

His hands continued to caress her body, sending waves of heat pulsing through her. She pulled her scattered wits together for long enough to murmur.

'Talk about what?'

He grinned.

'That's what I thought.'

His head dropped; she moaned and laced the fingers of one hand through his hair as his mouth began to trace a path downwards to where the pulsing heat had pooled between her legs.

* * *

x O x

* * *

She knocked at the door and waited, a calmness descending on her now that it was time. The door opened and he stared blankly at her, irritation showing on his face. 

'What?'

She indicated towards the towels in her arms.

'I've come to refresh your towels, sir.'

He shook his head impatiently and stood back so that she could enter the room.

'Hurry up.'

He turned his back on her. She felt anger grip her. He was a pig, he deserved to die.

She reached into the towels and withdrew the knife. He was still facing away from her, watching some news program on the TV. She plunged the knife into his neck, watching dispassionately as he fell to the floor, his body jerking for a moment before all movement ceased.

She waited a moment, breathing deeply in an attempt to get her racing heart under control again, and then checked for a pulse. He was dead. Once her breathing had returned to normal she began to get ready to leave.

* * *


	25. Silent Witnesses

**Author's Note: **As always a huge thank you to **SallyJetson** for the beta. I have played around a little with it since she looked at it and any and all mistakes are, of course, mine!

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 25 - Silent Witnesses**

_All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them._

_Galileo Galilei_

* * *

Hawkes put his bag down as his eyes began to mentally record the scene. Stella was crouched down next to the body. He nodded a greeting before getting down to business. 

'What have we got?'

'Male in his late 50's; been stabbed once in the neck that I can see, but I was waiting for you before I turned him over.'

Hawkes crouched down next to her, his eyes studying the scene with care as he started to think out loud.

'Doesn't appear that there was a struggle which would suggest that he knew his killer; maybe a wife or girlfriend?'

Stella nodded.

'There are a pile of clean towels on that dresser. They're not the same make as the towels in the bathroom.'

Hawkes frowned.

'That's strange, a hotel as classy as this would have matching everything.' He switched his attention back to the body. 'Do we have an ID?'

'Jen is just speaking to the hotel manager now. She's confirming who the room was registered to and getting any CCTV footage from the corridor. Do you have an estimate for the time of death?'

Hawkes investigated for a moment before looking back at Stella.

'Lividity and rigor would indicate that he's been dead at least 12 hours. Who found him?'

'The maid who came to clean the room.'

Hawkes pulled a face.

'Not a great start to anyone's morning. Have you got all the shots we need?'

'Yes. Shall we turn him?'

They carefully turned the body as Angel walked back into the room. She stopped at the door as she started to speak.

'I've seen the CCTV footage from the corridor. Our vic arrived back at 9:45pm last night after being out of the room all day. Just before 10pm someone dressed as a maid and carrying a stack of towels knocked at the door and was let in. Nobody exited the room for over half an hour, then a woman in a Burqa left. No-one else went into the room or left it until the maid this morning.'

Stella frowned, then nodded towards the body. 'And do we have a name for our vic?'

Angel flipped over the page of her notebook. 'Sure, the room was registered in the name of -'

'Charles Henderson.'

Angel stopped and stared at Hawkes. Stella stared at him too.

'You know him?'

Hawkes stood up, his face showing more emotion than usual. Stella peered up at him.

'Sheldon?'

He looked at her, his eyes dark and troubled.

'Yeah, I know him.'

* * *

x O x

* * *

Flack stood with his back against the wall, watching as Mac interviewed Ramon Diaz. Barely 18 and full of crap; Flack felt an overwhelming urge to exercise his right forearm down the kid's throat. He forced himself to stand motionless as Mac pushed a cell phone in a plastic bag across the table to the cocky little shit. 

'Tell me where you got this phone Ramon.'

Diaz leaned back in his chair, a sneer on his face.

'Don't know about no phone, man.'

'Really? Because we have your finger prints all over it.'

Mac seemed impervious to the attitude Diaz was displaying. Diaz shrugged, the sneer still evident.

'So maybe someone gave it to me, man. Someone who knows I deserve proper respect.'

Flack gritted his teeth. It wasn't time to cut in yet and play 'bad cop'; Mac still had more to reveal.

'Really? Because I think you killed Carlos Ramirez and then took his phone, and I can prove it.'

The sneer wavered a bit and now it was more bravado than cockiness in his voice.

'Don't know who you're talking about man. Someone gave me the phone. Don't know this Ramirez character you're talking about.'

Finally Mac turned in his seat, a look of carefully manufactured surprise on his face.

'Maybe you can help out here Detective Flack? Mr Diaz seems to be suffering from some memory loss.'

Unleashed, Flack surged forward and slammed his hands down on the table in front of Diaz. The shock wiped the remains of the sneer from his face and made Diaz tip his chair back in his effort to put clear space between them.

'The last call Ramirez made before he was killed was to a prepaid cell phone that we found in _your_ possession. We can prove you bought it a month ago and we have the call log which shows multiple calls you made on it to your girlfriend and your mother.'

He kicked the legs of the chair, causing the front legs to thump back down onto the cold tiles.

'You went to meet Ramirez in the alley. You argued and you killed him and you took his phone. You're going away for a very long time, _man_.

Diaz made one last attempt at appearing unconcerned but his sneer was a shadow of a minute ago.

'You can't treat me like this,' At Flack's snarl he pushed his chair back and appealed to Mac, looking more and more like a frightened child. 'He can't do that, can he?'

'Do what?' Mac looked unconcerned.

'Get in my face like that. I've got rights….I didn't kill that guy…you can't prove I did.'

He was babbling now. Flack knew one more turn of the screw should do it.

'Start talking and telling us what we want to know otherwise you'll be spending some quality time in Rikers, and your fellow residents be looking to get into some far more interesting places than your _face_.'

He stepped back, confident that Diaz would now talk; Mac leaned forward.

'Well? What happened?'

'Ramirez was messing with my sister. We got into one and I cut his head. He went to the hospital to get it sorted and rang me as he was leaving. Told me to meet him so we could carry on with our discussions. I got there and he was already dead. I kicked him a few times and took his phone. That's it, man. I didn't kill him.'

Mac sat back, his face impassive.

'Why take his phone?'

'He had some pictures of my sister on it. She's only 15. I didn't want anyone getting hold of them.'

'When you arrived at the alley did you see anyone else around?'

'Nah, no-one….well no-one other than some A-rab woman. She looked as if she'd just come from the alley but I guess she couldn't have otherwise she'd have seen him wouldn't she?'

The sneer was creeping back in. Flack moved to stand behind him, noting that Diaz immediately shifted his position in an attempt to keep him in his peripheral vision. He bent his head down so that his mouth was alongside Diaz's ear.

'You saw an Arab woman? What makes you think she was Arabic?'

'She had one of those things on that covers you from head to foot….you know what I mean?'

Mac lent forward, his voice sharp with interest.

'You mean a Burqa.'

Diaz shrugged. 'Whatever. All I know is it could have been J-Lo walking past and no-one would have known under all that get up.'

Flack met Mac's eyes but before either could say or do anything there was a knock at the door and Lindsay appeared, jerking her head to indicate that both men needed to step outside.

Once outside she wasted no time. 'I've just had a call from Stella. She thinks our killer may have struck again.'

* * *

x O x

* * *

Hawkes opened the door to the apartment, extracting the door key and then closing the door again without making a sound. 

For a moment he stood in the hallway listening to the laughter coming from the kitchen. Emily was obviously visiting, which, given the news he was about to break to Lucy, was probably a good thing. He knew he should have told her about her link to these attacks last night but when he had arrived home he'd found candlelight, soft music, his favourite meal and Lucy dressed in some lingerie that had sent his senses reeling.

But it couldn't be put off any longer, especially now. He took a deep breath.

'Hi, it's me.'

He stepped into the kitchen. Lucy jumped up from the window seat.

'This is a nice surprise.' She moved into his arms and kissed him. He tightened his arms around her, holding her close for a moment.

'Sheldon? Is everything OK?'

He reluctantly let her go.

'Sit down, Luce. I've got some news for you.'

She exchanged a glance with Emily but sat down at the table. He took the seat next to her, grasping her hands in his.

'When was the last time you spoke to your step-father?'

She stared at him, clearly surprised. 'He rang me yesterday when Danny was here. I told him where to go. Why?'

He gripped her hand tightly as he broke the news as gently as he could.

'Lucy, he's dead. He was found in his hotel room this morning.'

She tensed and he heard a gasp from Emily.

'What happened? Was it a heart attack?' She searched his face. 'Sheldon?'

'He was murdered.'

'_Murdered_?'

He nodded, watching her closely. After the initial shock she seemed calm enough. He decided that it would be best just to get the whole thing out of the way.

'Lucy, you know that they have linked Emily's attack with two murders and that they all have a link to the hospital?'

She nodded. He glanced quickly at Emily. From her expression he guessed that Flack had already explained the link to her. He squeezed Lucy's hand as he continued.

'We believe that Charles's murder is linked to these attacks as well.'

She frowned and glanced at Emily and then back to him. 'I don't understand. How is _his_ murder linked to the hospital and to the other murders? He doesn't have a connection to….'

Her voice trailed away as comprehension flooded her eyes and her hand flew to her mouth.

'There is a connection isn't there. That's why Don came over the other day and asked about the orderly who was killed and whether I knew him, but how do you know that _this_ killing is linked? Couldn't it be random? Let's face it there'd be a queue a mile long of people willing to off that bastard if they thought they could do it without being caught.'

He'd always known she wanted nothing to do with her step-father. He'd met him once, at Josh's funeral, and had seen how she avoided him, but he'd never realized the depth of her hatred.

Emily reached a hand out to Lucy and for a moment their eyes met. To Hawkes it seemed that some silent conversation was taking place. He waited until Lucy looked back at him again.

'The initial evidence suggests a link. We won't know for certain until all he evidence has been processed but Mac and Flack need to talk to you. There could be something you know, that you're not even aware of, that might help us.' He turned his gaze to Emily. 'They are happy for you to be there too, in case there are any problems.'

She nodded. He noticed how pale she was; she was clearly as affected as Lucy was by the news. She met his eyes.

'When was he killed?'

He stared at her. The question seemed odd and his investigator's instincts kicked in.

'Why do you ask?'

She continued to meet his eyes steadily but didn't answer. He looked at Lucy; she was staring at Emily too.

'Em?'

Emily turned to look at Lucy, her face impassive.

'You know I have as much of a motive to kill that bastard as anybody. Just thought it might be a good idea to make sure I had an alibi.'

* * *

x O x

* * *

'So, are they on their way in?' 

'Yeah, Hawkes has just called me. Says he needs to speak to us before we talk to them though. Sounded rattled.'

Mac looked thoughtful.

'Rattled?'

Flack shrugged. 'Yeah –'

'Guy's I think I have something here.'

The excitement in Stella's voice as she arrived in Mac's office caught both men's attention.

Stella started to lay out information on the table as she continued to speak. 'I heard about a case in San Francisco that had strong similarities to ours so I called them up and had the information sent over. See what you think.'

Crime scene photographs of two men with their throats cut and of a woman with ligature marks around her neck were spread out on the table. Stella turned to Flack.

'Did you get anywhere with finding out who sent the flowers to Emily and Lucy?'

Flack shook his head.

'Not really. On both occasions the shop owner arrived in the morning to find an envelope pushed through the door containing instructions about who the flowers were for and where to send them. The cash to pay for them was in the envelope, as was the card to be sent with them. The only finger prints we got from the cards inside the envelopes were Emily's, Lucy's, Hawkes and mine. Why?'

Stella didn't answer; instead she pulled out a photo of the message card from Emily's flowers.

'_And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. __Mark 11:25. Forgive me, I beg you_. That was the message on the card with Emily's flowers. Now listen to this.'

She extracted a sheet of paper from the file she was holding and started to read.

'_Forgive me, I beg you. I thought she was pure, that I was appointed by God to protect her, but now I know she was nothing but a whore who has disgraced her sainted husband's memory'._ She looked up briefly to see the reaction she was getting before dropping her eyes and continuing. 'And then the note ends with a biblical reference_And_ _when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. __Mark 11:25'_

Stella looked up again, excitement shinning in her eyes.

'Guy's it's the same biblical reference and the same words, _forgive me, I beg you_. Not only that,' she pushed the copies of the card and the letter across the table to Flack and Mac, 'it's the same handwriting and the person she was _protecting _was her final victim...'

Stella handed Flack the photo of the victim; lifeless green eyes in a heart shaped face, framed by long chestnut hair. Recognition hit him like a punch to his gut. From a great distance he could hear Stella finish her explanation.

'...Doctor Helen Young.'

He couldn't tear his eyes away. He could feel Mac and Stella staring at him; could almost hear the question forming on their lips.

'Flack?'

Mac reached out and took the photo from his grasp, glanced at it then looked at Stella before they both turned to look at him. He forced himself to speak.

'Neither of you has met Lucy, have you?' They both shook their head. He gestured to the photo in Mac's hand. 'Well you'll recognise her when you do because Dr Helen Young could be her sister.'

* * *


	26. Fucked Up and Complicated

**Authors Note: **Thanks as always to **SallyJetson** for the beta :) I've played with it since she sent it back so any and all mistakes are mine.

Not much longer to go. I think it's three more chapters plus an epilogue, but this story has developed a mind of it's own, so...!

Thank you to everyone who is reading this, and everyone who is reviewing :)

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* * *

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**Chapter 26 – Fucked Up and Complicated **

_Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. _

_Dr Seuss _

* * *

'Emily has said _she_ has a motive for killing this guy? Are you _kidding_ me?'

Flack stared, open mouthed, at Hawkes as he tried to make sense of what he was hearing.

'I wish I was. Once she'd told me, I thought it was best to get her in here and talking to someone she doesn't have a personal relationship with…you know, preserve the _integrity_ of the evidence.'

The faintest hint of anger in Hawkes tone, and the words 'Jenny Anders', hung in the air. Both men turned to look at Mac.

'You did the right thing.'

An assistant appeared with a file which she handed to Mac. He studied the contents briefly before looking up again. 'Medical and CCTV evidence puts the time of death between 9:45pm and midnight last night, most probably between 10pm and 10:30pm.'

Flack let out a sigh of relief. Mac's and Hawkes' eyes were immediately fixed on him.

'She was with me.'

Hawkes tried to hide the smirk on his face whilst Mac simply raised his eyebrows. Flack decided a bit more information was called for and continued, reluctantly.

'I picked her up at her apartment at 9:30pm. We went to a late showing at the movie theatre. I walked her back and said goodnight just after midnight. The tickets were paid for with a credit card and one of her neighbours saw us when we arrived back at her apartment building.'

He decided that they didn't need to know about the make out session in the back row of the movie theatre that had left him feeling like a horny teenager, nor the fact that her neighbour had come upon them in the alley next to her building. In a way that had been fortuitous; his resolve had been crumbling fast at that point.

'OK, well let's get that noted on the file with a copy of the receipts and the name of the neighbour. I don't want any future prosecution thrown out because it looks as if we ignored a viable suspect.' Mac frowned as he continued, his eyes on Hawkes. 'Did she say why she had a motive?'

Hawkes shook his head. 'No –'

He broke off as Lucy walked into the room, her face pale and her jaw set.

'He raped her. That was her motive, but she didn't kill him.'

* * *

x O x

* * *

Stella stared at the 'NO MATCHES', displayed in large red letters, across her computer screen. Lindsay slid into the chair next to her and placed a large mug of coffee on the desk.

'I thought you could use this.' She stared at the screen and frowned. 'No matches to what?'

'I ran the employee database from the hospital where Helen Young worked in San Francisco against the employee database for St Vincents but there are no matches. I was sure…..' Stella's voice trailed away in frustration.

'Are you sure the killer works at St Vincents?'

Stella took a long drink from her coffee before answering.

'When you put it all together there doesn't seem to be another answer. The killer overheard Carlos Ramirez insult Lucy; they overheard Lucy and Emily arguing; they knew about the photographs and we know that they were only being distributed in the hospital.' She paused for a moment, marshaling her thoughts. 'The problem is that hospitals employ a lot of temporary and contract staff. Contract staff usually appear in the database but temporary staff are billed through their agencies and aren't included on the database. Flack has got someone identifying the agencies both hospitals use so we can subpoena their records and see if we can get a name from that.'

Lindsay nodded thoughtfully. 'But how does that tie in with Charles Henderson's murder? He doesn't appear to have gone to the hospital.'

'I know, that's why we've got to hope that Dr Connor can tell us something that sheds some light on all of this.' Stella reached for her phone. 'In the meantime I'm calling your brother and asking him to call his friend on the West Coast. You never know, he may have some information that isn't in the file.'

* * *

x O x

* * *

'He _raped_ her?'

The word scalded Flack's tongue as he spat it out. Lucy met his eyes, her own murky and unreadable.

'Emily's family moved back to DC when she was 17. She and I went to the same school and we became really close. About 4 months after they moved back her father died from a massive heart attack. Emily was devastated and her mother was no help – just threw herself into her work and pretty much ignored her.'

Tears formed in her eyes. Hawkes moved quickly, pulling her close to him as she continued. 'Emily started spending a lot of time at our house, sleeping over, that sort of thing. One night she'd had a huge row with her mother and came over to see me; I wasn't there but my step-father was …..' She stopped again, taking a deep breath.

Mac stepped forward. 'Why don't we all sit down?' He gestured towards the chairs, placing a gentle hand on Lucy's arm to move her in the right direction. When Lucy was settled, Hawkes arm protectively around her shoulders, she started to speak again.

'He invited her in, gave her a glass of wine and acted all sympathetic. That's all she remembers. When she woke up….' Her voice wavered and she stopped.

Mac leaned towards Lucy. 'Why wasn't he prosecuted?'

'Because her mother and my mother decided it should be hushed up.' Bitterness made her voice brittle as she continued. 'When I confronted him about it my step-father just laughed and said if she reported it he would tell the police that _she_ had come on to _him_, and was now claiming he'd raped her because she was humiliated after he turned her down. My mother wanted to believe that he was telling the truth; I think Emily's mother preferred to believe that he was too.'

Hawkes looked horrified. 'Why would a mother want to believe that her daughter had lied about being raped?'

'My step-father was a member of the board at the hospital where Emily's mother worked; she was in line for the Chief of Surgery post that was coming up; six months later she was appointed to the post.' Bitterness was now laced with contempt.

For a few moments the silence in the room was deafening.

'That's why Emily changed her mind about becoming a cardiologist isn't it?'

Lucy looked up at Flack's question, her surprise obvious. 'She told you that? That she had wanted to be a cardiologist?'

At his nod she continued. 'She wanted to become a cardiologist to please her mother but after the rape that all changed. I think she chose OB GYN because her mother was so dismissive of it as a specialism.'

Mac stood up. 'I appreciate you telling us the background Dr Connor. We are going to need to talk to you about these killings to see if there is anything you know that may help us, but I'll give you a few minutes before we start.'

Mac left the room. Flack stood up.

'I need a few minutes too.'

* * *

x O x

* * *

He found Emily in a meeting room. He hesitated for a moment, gathering every ounce of self control he possessed, before entering the room and propping himself against the wall. His eyes remained fixed on her as she paced restlessly up and down, her arms wrapped around her body, her face fierce.

'Why tell Hawkes you had a motive for killing Charles Henderson and that you needed an alibi? You know you didn't kill him; anyway, you were with me when he died.'

From the tone of his voice he might have been asking her about what she would like for lunch. She stopped pacing and turned to face him; the emptiness in her eyes chilled him to the bone.

'Because I wish I _had_ killed him…I wish it had been _me_ that put an end to that miserable bastard.'

The silence stretched between them as she met his troubled eyes with her own, now blazing defiance.

He straightened up and walked towards her. Her expression changed to one of uncertainty, quickly replaced with distress. She stepped backwards, holding her hands out as if to ward him off.

'Don't….don't be nice to me…..I don't want to feel anything…I….'

He stopped and held out his arms to her.

'I'm not going anywhere Emily. I don't want to hurt you, I just want to help.'

She took an involuntary step towards him and his heart quickened, but then she stopped. He waited; so knotted up inside with the fear that she'd push him away he had to remind himself to breathe. When she finally spoke her voice was so low he had to strain to hear her.

'I'm a mess Don…I don't trust anyone except Lucy and Sheldon. I've pushed every man I've ever been involved with until they can't stand being with me anymore, then I tell myself I'm better off without them because they would have hurt me anyway. You should go, get away from me, because I'll only do the same to you.'

The only sound Flack could hear was his heart thundering in his ears. He took a deep breath.

'You're right, I should run as fast as I can, because I suspect life with you will be fucking complicated and far from easy, but if I wanted an uncomplicated, easy life I could go to any bar you name and find some sweet, averagely intelligent 20 something who's desperate to settle down and have a family, and within six months I could be married with a kid on the way.'

He took a step to close the gap between them as he continued. 'But I don't want that. I have no idea if this thing between us will work, all I know is I've never wanted to make something work so much in my life. So I'll take fucked up and complicated if you'll give me…give _us,_ a chance.'

Her eyes searched his face; he waited, then when she didn't speak, he took the final step to close the gap between them, at the same moment as she stepped forward.

'Ow'

In the resulting collision her head caught his bottom lip. She started to laugh; it sounded perilously close to crying, but it sent a rush of hope through him. She reached up to touch his lip with her fingers.

'Sorry, did that hurt?'

Her fingers felt cool, yet they burned a heated trail across his lip. He caught her hand in his, kissing the tips of her fingers softly and felt the sigh that ran through her as she relaxed into his arms and rested her head against his shoulder.

'I'll give you one last chance to run away.'

Her voice was muffled as she buried herself deeper into his embrace. He tightened his arms around her.

'I'm not going anywhere.'

* * *

x O x

* * *

Mac sat back in his chair, trying not to let the disappointment show on his face. For the last hour he had been going over each victim with Lucy in an attempt to see if there was anything else she could add to the facts they already knew. So far nothing new had come to light; in desperation he decided to throw out a more general question.

'Since you took up the post at St Vincent's has anything happened that seemed strange or out of place. It might have been well before the attacks started?'

Lucy bit her lip as she considered the question before slowly shook her head.

'I can't think of anything.' Her frustration was starting to show. Before Mac could reassure her Emily sat forward, suddenly animated.

'What about your bag going missing and then turning up. That was strange.'

Mac felt a flicker of interest. 'You lost a bag?'

Lucy frowned. 'Yes, but I'd hardly realised it was gone before it was found again.'

'Tell me what happened.'

She paused for a moment, gathering her thoughts. 'Well, it was not long after I'd arrived in New York, maybe a week or so,' she shrugged, then continued, 'I went to my locker a couple of hours after I came on shift and my bag wasn't there. A major trauma came in so I asked Paula if she would have a quick look around for me –'

'That's Paula Goodwin, the Administration Manager?' Mac interrupted, checking his notes.

Lucy nodded and continued. 'When I had finished with the trauma, which was about 2 hours or so later, I went to find her and she told me that when she'd arrived back at the admin station she had found the bag pushed under the counter. I checked but nothing was missing so I didn't think much more about it.'

'What was in the bag?'

'The usual; my purse with my credit cards, drivers licence etc, Emily's spare keys –'

'Emily's keys?' Mac's voice sharpened.

'Yes, I was staying with her until my apartment was ready.' She hesitated until she saw him nod then continued, 'It also had my chequebook in it, a pen, some tissues….oh, and my notebook.'

'What was in your notebook?'

The expression on Lucy's face froze and she turned her head to look at Emily who reached out and took her hand, squeezing it gently.

'It could be important Lucy….tell him.' As Lucy continued to hesitate Emily leaned towards her. 'Look, I know that I was in there…it's _OK_.'

Mac managed to school his face not to show his growing impatience and was rewarded when Lucy sighed and turned to face him again.

'After Josh died I had counselling. One of the things I had to do was keep a…a diary of feelings, emotions……' she paused, clearly uncomfortable talking about it, 'I only kept it for a while and when I stopped writing in it I burned it.'

Mac felt a moment of irritation. 'That's unfortunate. Can you tell me about what was written in the book?'

She was looking troubled and was chewing her bottom lip again. 'I wrote a lot about my step father; about the arguments we had, the things he did to me, how much I hated him…and there was a rant about Emily too….we argued a couple of days before I lost my bag and I vented in the notebook.'

'Did you write about anyone else?' Mac leaned forward again, a rare trace of emotion in his voice.

She ignored the question. 'Do you think that the killer took my bag? That they targeted the people I wrote about in the notebook?'

'I think that it is possible, yes.'

Her face lost what little colour it had. 'So...that would make the killer someone I work with...someone I see every day?'

'I think its almost certain the killer is someone you know.'

She let out a ragged breath. 'I wrote about my mother too…..if someone killed my step-father because of what I wrote in that notebook then I guess my mother will be next on the list.'

* * *


	27. Reaching Out

**Author's Note: **Apologies for the long delay in getting this chapter up. There are many reasons why it has taken so long, none of which are very interesting so I won't bore you with them. The good news is I have the next couple already written and am working on the last chapter so the next chapters should be posted fairly quickly.

Huge thanks to **notesofwimsey** who has beta'ed this chapter and is helping me make sure the ending of this fic makes sense!

* * *

**Chapter 27** **– Reaching Out**

"_Run your fingers through my soul. For once, just once, feel exactly what I feel, believe what I believe, perceive as I perceive, look, experience, examine, and for once; just once, understand."_

_Anon_

* * *

Flack knocked at the apartment door. It opened immediately. Somewhere inside he could hear Emily trying to persuade Lucy to lie down. Hawkes stepped into the hallway, his face showing the strain he was under, and closed the door behind him. 

Flack kept his voice low, 'How's Lucy?'

Hawkes shrugged. 'Scan was OK but her blood pressure is up. Emily is trying to get her to rest but she can't stay still for more than a minute. She's terrified that something will happen to her mother.'

'Her mother is fine. I've just had a call from Washington and she's been taken to a hotel and has an armed officer outside her door.'

Hawkes let out a long ragged breath, 'Thank god for that. I really don't think she'd cope if anything happened to her.'

'Are they close?' Flack knew from earlier just how much Lucy hated her step-father and he had gained the impression that her relationship with her mother wasn't much better.

Hawkes tightened his mouth and shook his head. 'No, but would you want to feel responsible for a parent's death?' He turned to open the apartment door without waiting for a response.

Flack reached out and stopped him. 'Hang on. I wanted to let you know where we are, and I doubt you want me to tell you in front of Lucy.'

Hawkes stopped and turned to face him again, a moment of hope in his eyes. 'Is there a lead?'

'I wouldn't call it a lead, but we have some more information from the San Francisco killings.'

Flack saw the hope in Hawkes' eyes die as he continued. 'We have some more information about Helen Young. Turns out she was the widow of a Marine who was killed on active service.'

'The widow of a Marine? Are you thinking that there is a connection because of Josh?'

'Well, as far as we've been able to find out Lt Col Henry Young never served with Maj Joshua Robertson. The only connection seems to be that Lucy was engaged to a Marine who died and Helen Young was a Marine's widow. What we are having trouble with is finding out why the killer feels Helen Young had disgraced her husband's memory. There was nothing in the case file that shows any reason.'

Hawkes lent back against the wall as he stared at Flack. 'So, someone who feels they have to protect the loved ones of Marines, or service personnel in general?'

Flack shrugged. 'God alone knows. Mac is speaking to the FBI's Behavioural Analysis Unit to see if we can get a better profile of the killer; hopefully that will help us narrow down our list of suspects because it will take days to get a complete list of all contract and temporary staff for both hospitals – and the check against permanent staff has yielded nothing.'

As Flack finished he realised that Hawkes' attention was somewhere else. 'Doc?'

Hawkes met his eyes, worry showing in his. 'So if they follow the same pattern as San Francisco, they could target Lucy?'

'Yes.' Flack couldn't see the point in pretending otherwise. Before Hawkes could speak, he continued. 'I'm guessing that she would have to do something that makes the killer feel she has disgraced the memory of her fiancée. The flowers show they already know that she is pregnant and is involved with you, so I'm guessing they aren't some religious nut who feels that a child conceived out of wedlock requires some sort of punishment. I would say that she's safe at the moment.'

'But you've just said that there was nothing in Helen Young's personal life to show why the killer would feel that she had disgraced her husband's memory. For all we know there wasn't a real reason, just the killer deciding that she should die.'

Flack could see Hawkes was fighting hard to stay calm. He took a deep breath. 'I see where you are coming from, but this is someone who stopped strangling Emily when they heard Lucy leaving her a message to say thank you, and who then felt the need to send her flowers to apologise. I think they do need a reason for their actions. As far as Helen Young is concerned there are enough gaps on the file to suggest that some information is being withheld. Stella is following it up with a source she has.'

He reached out and placed a hand on Hawkes arm. 'We'll keep her safe, Doc, I promise.'

* * *

x 0 x

* * *

The sound of the door opening brought a mix of relief and apprehension. Lindsay pulled her knees up under her chin and wrapped her arms tightly around her legs as she waited for Danny to come into the living room. 

_If he wants to talk about the scan, let him. Be supportive. Be interested. You're the one who told him to tell Lucy he wants to be involved._

She could hear him hanging up his jacket and removing his boots. He appeared to be taking a long time to do so and the feelings swirling inside her tipped more toward apprehension. The door opened.

The first thing she saw was a huge bouquet of red roses; the second was the smile on his face. She loosened the grip on her legs and pulled her head up slightly.

He came and stood behind her, leaned over, handing her the flowers and then kissing her on the neck. The warmth of his breath was in contrast to the cold skin pressing against her. She yelped and he laughed, vaulting quickly over the back of the couch and pulling her into his arms.

'You're freezing.' She was laughing as she tried to push him away, whilst he made far more successful attempts to press his cold face and hands on as much of her as he could reach.

He plucked the flowers out of her grasp and dropped them on the floor before standing, pulling her up with him and throwing her over his shoulder.

'You'd better warm me up then.' He marched purposefully towards the bedroom, his hands sliding over her thighs and lingering on her ass. They had reached the bedroom and she found herself on her back on the bed with him kneeling over her before she could form any sort of verbal response.

'Danny –'

He pressed his mouth to hers as one cold hand slipped beneath her sweatshirt. Despite the coldness of his hand, warmth pooled in her stomach. She slipped her arms around his neck as she allowed herself to relax into the kiss.

For a moment, he stopped and pulled back, his mouth hovering above hers as he breathed, 'I don't want to talk about it yet, I just want to think about you, about us. I need you, Lindsay.'

It was all she had to hear.

* * *

x 0 x

* * *

She sat staring at the computer screen for a long time, still struggling to comprehend what she had learned today. She had been so sure that she was different, that she was special and now – 

Her thoughts ground to a halt. Without realising it her hand was grasping the crucifix her father had given her.

_I won't let it happen to another soldier Daddy; I won't let your memory be dishonoured_.

She closed her eyes and prayed: prayed for the strength to do what she knew she had to do.

* * *

x 0 x

* * *

The shower had stopped a few minutes ago and now, finally, the door opened and Lucy emerged, her hair damp, wearing one of his T shirts. 

'Suits you.'

She smiled and joined him in bed, curling her body into the shelter of his. They lay for a while, his hand idly stroking her hair, his mind racing as he tried to decide how much to tell her about the San Francisco case –

'We had a bit of a problem at the scan.'

He stared down at her, shocked. 'You said everything was fine. _Emily_ said everything was fine….well, other than your blood pressure -.'

'Everything is fine with the baby. That wasn't the problem.' As he took a deep breath, she uncurled herself slightly, her face apologetic. 'Sorry, I didn't mean to worry you.'

'So what was the problem then? If Messer upset you –'

'It wasn't Danny.' Her tone was firm. 'The only nurse available was some hatchet faced old bag, and let's just say she wasn't overly keen to discover that I'm engaged to you and expecting someone else's baby.'

'You've had Danny recorded as the baby's father on the hospital records?'

She frowned. 'Of course I have, why wouldn't I? You're down as next of kin…we did discuss this Sheldon.'

'I know, it's just...' _It's just that when we talked about it I didn't know about Helen Young and the note the killer left with her body._

She sat up, 'It's just what?'

He couldn't tell her, not tonight. He'd tell her in the morning after she'd had a good night sleep. He knew he'd sleep badly, but hopefully it would give him some time to come up with the right words to use.

'It's just what, Sheldon?' He rushed to comfort her.

'It's just that I…I wish I could have been there too. Maybe she wouldn't have been so unfriendly.'

The tension left Lucy's body as he made a silent apology for lying to her, before another thought occurred to him.

'So who was this nurse?'

He felt her shrug. 'I've never met her before; apparently she's an agency nurse they use in OB GYN when they are short staffed. Emily was furious - told her what she thought of her in the way only Emily can.'

He glanced at the clock. It was too late now to call Flack and tell him to check this nurse out. He made a mental note to call him in the morning. He was pulled from his thoughts as Lucy moved.

'Are you sure you are OK about Danny being recorded as the baby's father?'

He smiled, and dropped a kiss onto her forehead. 'Yes, we talked about it and I'm fine with it.'

She reached up a hand and gently cradled his face. 'You've been so wonderful through all of this and I need you to know how much I love you.'

He pulled her tightly to him and buried his face in her hair, not wanting her to see the fear coalescing in his stomach, reflected in his eyes.

* * *

x 0 x

* * *

'Will you come up for a bit? I'd like it if we could talk.' Emily stared straight ahead, not meeting his eyes. 

'Sure.' He was exhausted and craved sleep, but she wanted to talk and he wasn't willing to pass up an opportunity to get to know her better.

They headed up to her apartment in silence. Once inside she headed to a cupboard in the living room and pulled out a bottle of 18 yr old malt whiskey and poured two glasses. She handed one to him.

'I shouldn't; I'll have to drive later.' The smell was intoxicating; he could almost feel raw heat as it slipped down his throat, easing the tension and fears of the day.

She smiled. 'I'm not trying to take advantage of you; you can have the guest room, I just think we could both do with a drink.'

He raised the glass to his lips and allowed a small amount to trickle down his throat. 'God, that's good.'

'My father's favourite.'

He nodded, understanding. 'My dad loves his whiskey too. First time he let me taste it I was 12. I took a huge gulp and thought my throat was on fire. It took him a long time to persuade me to try it again.'

She sat on the couch and curled her feet up underneath her, gesturing for him to sit next to her. 'If today has changed your mind about anything…….'

She stopped, biting her lip and staring down into the amber liquid that she was swirling around the glass.

'Yes, it has changed things.' Her hand stilled. He put his glass down then reached over and removed hers from frozen fingers before taking her hand in his. 'It's made me even more determined to give this thing between us a chance.'

Her fingers gripped his hand tightly as a faint laugh escaped her. 'You said you thought we should get to know each other. I can tell you this; after today you know more about me than anyone other than Lucy.'

He hesitated a moment, then dropped her hand and shrugged off his jacked. She watched, curious, and then, as he started to unbutton his shirt, her eyebrows shot up.

'A bit ahead of yourself aren't you?'

He didn't stop. Once the shirt was unbuttoned he pulled up his wifebeater. Her eyes, which had been fixed, questioningly, on his face, slowly dropped to look at his abdomen. Her pupils dilated and then her eyes flew back up to meet his.

'I was nearly killed in a bomb blast just under a year ago. I had four months of hospitals, therapy and counselling before I could go back to work.' He jumped as she reached out and gently touched the scar, then gritted his teeth and forced himself to continue. 'I have nightmares. I wake up in a cold sweat. I sometimes imagine I can feel it pulling open.'

Her fingers continued to explore the scar tissue. It felt strangely comforting. 'I know it's nothing like being raped, but no-one knows about the nightmares, or that sometimes it still hurts, or –'

Her mouth closed on his, stopping his words. He kissed her back, tasting the whiskey. The kiss deepened, intensified, and it took all his strength to pull back. 'I should go.'

She shook her head. 'No. Stay. We don't have to do anything...I…just need someone to hold me.' The admission was ripped from her.

He stood up, holding out his hand to her. 'I think we both need to sleep – we can talk more in the morning.'

They fell asleep curled up in her bed, her back to his chest, his arms wrapped around her.

* * *

x 0 x

* * *

Her knees ached as she stood up, testament to how long she had spent on them, praying for guidance. 

_Engaged to one man, a good man, a worthy man: yet carrying another man's child._

It had been easier in San Francisco. Dr Young had not been a nice person and it had been hard acting as her guardian, so much so that it had almost been a relief when she realised that she had to be killed.

She pushed these memories from her mind and started to make her plans for the next day.

* * *


	28. Vengeance

**Author's Note: **Huge thanks to **notesofwimsey** for her help with this chapter. There are two more chapters (already written) plus and epilogue (about to be written) after this one. The next one will, internet access permitting, be up between Christmas and New Year!

Merry Christmas!

* * *

**Chapter 28 - Vengeance**

_Vengeance has no foresight._

_Napolean Bonaparte_

* * *

'We could stay at my apartment or a hotel if you prefer.' Despite his best efforts, Hawkes couldn't stop the fear and frustration he was feeling from showing in his voice. 'Please, Lucy. Mac's agreed to me taking some time off but I have to be in court today.' 

He was pleading now, desperate for her to acknowledge the danger, desperate to be able to keep her safe. He carried a gun but only because it was a requirement of the job. So far he'd never had to use it; in fact, he'd often privately doubted his ability to be able to shoot another human being. Until now.

'You know I can't go anywhere until this afternoon at the earliest.' She was on sick leave until her blood pressure was back under control, but paperwork didn't respect anyone's health status and the hospital was sending over some charts for her to sign.

She moved into his embrace, speaking softly. 'I won't open the door to anyone I'm not expecting, I promise, and if you are still worried we can check into a hotel for a few nights, maybe even go out of town for a few days.' Her tone was conciliatory: a vain attempt to calm his fears.

He tightened his arms around her, breathing in her scent. 'You should have someone here with you –'

The sound of knocking stopped his words. He pushed her gently away from him and with a wave of his hand indicated she should wait in the bedroom. Once he was certain she was staying put, he moved to the front door, gun in hand, and looked through the spy hole.

Mac and Lindsay.

He let his breath out in a hiss and opened the door. If either were surprised that he had a gun in his hand, neither showed it. He stepped back to allow them to enter as he called to Lucy.

She emerged from the bedroom, a wary look in her eyes: an expression mirrored by Lindsay.

Mac didn't bother with pleasantries and, ignoring the tension between the two women, spoke directly to Hawkes. 'I understand that the hospital is sending over some paperwork for Lucy to sign later today. I've talked this over with Flack and we don't think it's a good idea for Lucy to wait on her own, so Lindsay will stay with her until you get back from court. Then we are going to move you both to a hotel.'

A faint sound of protest from behind him told Hawkes what Lucy thought of this idea. Judging by the studiously neutral expression on Lindsay's face, she was feeling the same. He groped for the right words to suggest to Mac they find someone else but before he could speak Mac continued, this time addressing Lucy.

'I know things are difficult between the two of you but it's only for a few hours, and Lindsay is the only detective available.'

Hawkes turned to look at Lucy. She looked as if she was about to protest until she caught the expression in his eye. The moment between them stretched; then she shrugged her shoulders in acquiescence. Mac nodded and turned to Lindsay.

'No-one comes in unless it is one of the team. When the courier arrives the doorman will take the package, bring it to the door and then wait in the hallway while Lucy signs the charts. Then the doorman will take the signed paperwork downstairs to the courier.'

Lindsay nodded then jumped as Lucy began to crash dishes together in the kitchen. If he needed any proof at all, Hawkes was now certain that Lucy was seriously pissed off. He smiled weakly. 'Coffee?'

* * *

xOx

* * *

Stella couldn't keep the smile from splitting her face as Doug stepped out of the elevator. Two hours ago she had been breaking her golden rule of _always_ eating breakfast, preferring the feel of his hands and mouth on her body to cereal and juice. Now he was here at the crime lab with, hopefully, the answer to why the killer had targeted Helen Young. 

He was smiling as broadly as she was as he dropped a quick kiss on her lips, but didn't waste any time. 'Here it is.'

Stella took the manila folder he was holding out to her and began to read rapidly as she led Doug towards her office. As she reached her office door she heard a familiar voice.

'Stella.'

Flack and Danny were heading towards her. Danny acknowledged Doug with a wary nod of his head whilst Flack smiled broadly at him.

'Hey Monroe, what brings you here?'

Stella stepped into her office and the three men followed her. Once they were inside she waved the folder. 'Doug's friend has managed to find out why our killer believed that Helen Young had to die.' As both men's eyebrows shot to their hairlines as she continued, reading from the information in the folder. 'Apparently Helen Young was having an affair with the hospital's Chief of Staff.' She looked up. 'Who just happened to be married to the Police Chief's sister.'

Flack scowled. 'So they expunged the file of any reference to the affair to save her embarrassment?'

'Apparently she wasn't a suspect because she was in Los Angeles at the time of the murder and so when she begged her brother not to make the affair public knowledge he agreed.' Doug nodded toward the file. 'I don't know why they bothered because it seems to be general knowledge at the hospital.'

Stella looked thoughtful 'Well, Lucy isn't having an affair, so hopefully the killer doesn't have a reason to go after her.'

Flack considered this for a moment 'But the note the killer left suggested it was because she had sinned, rather than the specific sin of adultery, that had led to her being killed.' Three pairs of eyes looked questioningly at Stella. She tried again.

'What I mean is, it may not be adultery that is the trigger. It could just be that Helen Young had sinned.'

'You mean that if they believe that Lucy has sinned they may go after her.' Danny spoke slowly. Stella stared at him.

'What? Come on Danny. What is it that's bothering you?'

'When we were at the hospital yesterday Lucy had me recorded as the father of the baby and Sheldon recorded as her next of kin. The nurse who took the details was very….I don't know, disapproving.'

Flack nodded. 'Hawkes rang me this morning and told me about it. I'm having the nurse checked out.'

Stella was watching Danny. He was rocking back and forth on his heels, a look of intense concentration on his face. She glanced at Flack who was also watching Danny. He nudged his arm.

'What are you thinking?'

'The killer sent Lucy and Hawkes flowers to congratulate them on 'their' baby. If the killer works at the hospital they may have access to hospital records. What if they access the records and find out that Hawkes isn't the father of his fiancées baby? That might be a reason to target Lucy.'

Stella met Flack's eyes. 'We need to speak to Mac.' The two of them headed out of the office leaving Danny and Doug alone.

* * *

xOx

* * *

'Lindsay is with Lucy today.' Danny paced up and down as he tried to quieten the worry that was welling up inside of him. 

'You think there will be trouble?'

'I know Lindsay is having a tough time coping with all of this and I'm betting Lucy can think of a few people she'd rather spend the day with too.'

'Lindsay loves you. Give her time – she'll be fine.'

Danny stared at him, suspiciously. 'You're being very understanding about this.' He watched as Doug turned away to stare out of the window for a few moments before he turned back to face Danny again.

'A few years ago, I was based in London. I was dating a nurse – Rebecca.' Doug paused for a moment and his face softened. 'We had a lot of fun but it was never really serious for me. About six months into the relationship I was offered a new assignment in Paris. When I told her she was really excited.' His voice trailed away and his face tightened.

Danny prompted, 'She thought you wanted her to go with you?'

Doug nodded. 'Yeah, I really fucked that one up. She was devastated when I told her that I wasn't ready for that level of commitment.' He pulled a face. 'Thinking about it now, I was a prize ass, but at the time I was just too full of myself and my precious career.'

He perched on the window ledge, his hands shoved deep into his pockets, his chin sunk into his chest. 'I'd been in Paris for 6 weeks when she called me to tell me she was pregnant, and that she was keeping it. She didn't want anything from me, just thought I ought to know. After I'd hit the bar and drunk myself stupid, I took a week off work, got on a plane and flew back to London. We spent some time together and by the end of the week I'd convinced her to come to Paris with me.'

For the first time he met Danny's eyes. 'So I do understand why you can't walk away from this child.'

'So what happened between you and Rebecca?' Danny had a feeling there was more to the story. Doug stood up, an inscrutable expression on his face.

'Funnily enough it was working well and I was even getting ready to tell my parents about her and the baby.' He paused and Danny waited, certain that there wasn't a happy ending to this story. 'But when she was four months pregnant she was knocked down and killed by a drunk driver.'

'That's rough. I'm sorry.' The words were inadequate and he groped for something else to say but couldn't think of anything. Doug didn't seem to mind. Instead he shrugged.

'It happened a long time ago. Anyway, like I say, I understand.'

* * *

xOx

* * *

'Who was that?' 

Lindsay clipped her cell phone back onto her belt and turned around to see that Lucy had come into the sitting room. Since Hawkes had left for court, any interaction between them had been restricted to the offering and acceptance of coffee and an explanation as to the location of the bathroom. The cloak of introspection Lucy had wrapped herself in was something Lindsay could identify with and certainly not something she was comfortable in attempting to pierce.

Lindsay hesitated. Hawkes had taken her to one side as he left, telling her about Lucy's high blood pressure and impressing on her how important it was that she stay calm.

_Then again, you know how much you hate being kept in the dark. _

'It was Mac. They have more information about Helen Young's death. He just wanted me to tell you that they will keep working on it and not to worry too much.' At Lucy's raised eyebrows she smiled wryly. 'I know: drives you mad when people tell you that, doesn't it?'

A momentary pause, then Lucy smiled, tentatively.

'Yeah it does.'

Silence stretched between them for a moment, and then Lucy stepped into the room. 'I couldn't manage any breakfast this morning but I'm feeling hungry now….can I get you something?'

Lindsay stomach rumbled gently. She smiled. 'I missed breakfast too. I'd love something to eat.'

* * *

xOx

* * *

'Sandra Farmer.' 

'Huh?' Stella and Mac both looked up from where they were studying the psych profile the FBI had just sent back to them.

'Sandra Farmer is the name of the OB GYN nurse who gave Lucy a hard time at the scan yesterday.' Flack couldn't keep the faint ripple of excitement he was feeling from his voice as he continued. 'And get this; before the start of this year Sandra Farmer didn't exist. Her Social Security number, driver's licence, everything was issued a few months ago.'

'You have an address?'

Mac and Stella were on their feet, hands automatically checking their guns.

'Yep, and the car's downstairs and the engine's running.'

* * *

xOx

* * *

'How's it going?' 

Adam sent Danny a frustrated look. 'It's barely moving. Getting the records from some of these agencies is almost impossible.' He indicated the pile of paper in front of him. 'I mean, in the age of wireless internet technology what sort of craptastic organisation doesn't have computerised records?'

Danny slipped into the seat next to him. 'You have to go through these manually?'

'Yeah, and have you seen how many of them there are?'

'Give me some, I'll help.'

Adam hesitated. 'Look man, there is nothing I would like more, but Mac told me that he wanted me doing it and that you and Lindsay and Hawkes were not to be involved.'

'Mac's not here and we don't have enough time for you to do this by yourself.' He held his hand out, as his voice took on a more urgent tone. 'I'll take the heat with Mac, but we need to find this woman before she kills someone else.'

* * *

xOx

* * *

'We can't find her. She was due to be on shift this morning but she swopped with a colleague last night.' Flack paused at the door to Sandra Farmer's bed sit and watched as Mac and Stella continued to photograph and process the room. 'You found anything?' 

Stella stood up and handed Flack an open notebook, encased in a clear plastic evidence bag. He looked and saw a list of biblical references.

'Exodus 20:14. Ezekiel 16:38. Revelation 2:22. Leviticus 20:10.' He looked up, a question in his eyes. Stella picked up a bible.

'Exodus 20:14. Thou shalt not commit adultery.' She flipped the page and Flack noticed that some of the pages were marked with scraps of paper acting as bookmarks. 'Ezekiel 16:38. I will sentence you to the punishment of women who commit adultery and who shed blood; I will bring upon you the blood vengeance of my wrath and jealous anger.'

Flack let out a long breath 'She sounds like some sort of religious nut. But I don't understand the references to adultery – Lucy isn't married to Hawkes nor was she married to Josh so she hasn't committed adultery.'

Stella nodded as she flipped the page again. 'Yes, but some people would consider an engagement as good as a marriage.' She looked down at the bible she held and began to read again. 'Revelation 2:22. So I will cast her on a bed of suffering, and I will make those who commit adultery with her suffer intensely, unless they repent of her ways.' The pages flipped rapidly again and Flack caught Mac's eye, a cold feeling in the pit of his stomach as Stella read out the final quotation. 'Leviticus 20:10. If a man commits adultery with another man's wife—with the wife of his neighbor—both the adulterer and the adulteress must be put to death.'

Flack stared, horrified, at Mac and Stella. 'My god. She's going after Danny as well.'

* * *


	29. On the Edge

**Author's Note: **Thanks to **notesofwimsey** and **sallyjetson** for their help and advice.

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 29 – On the Edge**

_Real valour consists not in being insensible to danger; but in being prompt to confront and disarm it._

_Sir Walter Scott_

* * *

Danny sat back in his chair, took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. His head was pounding and his eyes ached. He glared balefully at the huge pile of paper on the desk in front of him. 

'I need a coffee - a _proper_ coffee.' He stood up. 'I'm going to Starbucks. You want your usual?'

Adam barely looked up from his computer screen as he mumbled something Danny decided to take as a 'yes'. Reaching for his jacket, he checked to make sure he had his wallet before heading out of the lab.

His thoughts turned to Lindsay. He had deliberately not talked about the scan last night, guessing that she needed some time where they weren't talking about the baby, but he'd wanted to. He'd wanted to tell her how it had felt to see the image on the screen and know that it was a child: his child.

_Mind you, it's not like she can ignore it at the moment is it? Stuck in an apartment with the woman who is pregnant with your child. _

He reached for his phone to call her; to make sure she was OK.

'Shit.'

Ignoring the outraged look of a passing middle aged woman, he cursed again as he realised that he had left his cell phone in the lab. For a moment he hesitated, half turning to go back to the elevator

_Idiot. It will take you five minutes to go and get the coffee and then you can call Lindsay when you get back upstairs_.

Decision made, he headed across the street to Starbucks.

* * *

x O x

* * *

'_Hello?' _

The voice didn't belong to Danny. Mac's face creased into a frown.

'Who is this?'

'_Mac? It's Adam.' _

'Where's Danny?' Stella and Flack were staring at him, both realising that something was wrong.

'_Er, well, urm..'_ Adam sounded flustered.

'Adam. WHERE IS DANNY?'

'_He went for coffee….about 20 minutes ago….Starbucks I think.'_

Mac pulled the phone away from his mouth and spoke to Flack. 'Get a patrol over to Starbucks to find Danny. When they've got him, make sure they stay with him until he is back in the crime lab.' Flack wheeled away, already dialling as Mac spoke to Adam again.

'Adam. When Danny gets back to the lab, you tell him he is to stay in the lab and not to leave. I'm on my way back and I'll explain everything when I get there. You understand?'

* * *

x O x

* * *

'So how did you end up in New York?' 

Lucy was stretched out on the couch, coffee mug in hand. Lindsay grinned.

'A vacancy came up. I'd just been involved in a big case in Bozeman that had put me on Mac's radar. He called me and it just felt like a good move to make. Mind you, I nearly changed my mind when the first thing I had to do was hold open a tiger's jaw.'

Lucy's eyebrows hit her hairline. 'Seriously?'

'Yeah. And the second thing I was given to do was to sort through a load of tiger poo.'

'Urgh. Gross. Mind you, on my first day as an ER intern we had multiple cases of stomach flu admitted. I spent all day trying to work out which end of the patient was going to erupt first and got it wrong most of the time. I lost count of how many pairs of scrubs I went through that day –'

The sound of Lucy's cell phone stopped the conversation. She picked it up and noticeably relaxed when she saw who was calling. She smiled at Lindsay. 'It's Emily.'

Lindsay rose from the armchair and took the coffee mugs and breakfast dishes through to the kitchen. From what she could hear, Emily was checking to make sure Lucy was resting and had eaten.

Somehow the ice between them had been broken. They hadn't talked about the baby or about Danny, but they had managed a conversation about career choices, college and moving to New York. Thinking about Danny made her desperate to hear his voice. Lucy was still on the phone and it sounded as if she would be a while; she quickly unclipped her cell from her belt and called him.

'_Hello?_'

'Adam? Why are you answering Danny's phone?'

'_Oh, hey Lindsay. He's out getting coffee_.' Adam sounded strange, as if he was nervous.

'What's going on?' She spoke sharply and heard the intake of breath at the other end of the phone. When he didn't answer immediately, she asked again. 'Adam. What is going on?'

'_I don't know. Mac called and said that when Danny gets back he's to stay in the office and not leave but he hasn't told me why. And Danny's been gone for over 30 minutes and it only takes 5 minutes to get to Starbucks._'

A cold feeling settled in the pit of her stomach. 'OK, well when Danny gets back, tell him to call me straight away, OK?'

She hung up.

'Is everything OK?' Lucy came into the kitchen. Lindsay took a deep breath.

'I don't know. Danny seems to have gone missing.'

* * *

x O x

* * *

Flack propped himself against the car as he waited to hear from the patrol he had dispatched to find Danny, and for Mac and Stella to finish up processing the apartment. He had organised a car to remain outside the building so that if Sandra Farmer returned they could pick her up, and now the familiar feeling of frustration crept over him. Waiting was definitely the worst part of the job. 

The radio in the car crackled into life and he listened to the chatter with half an ear, which rapidly became both ears as he realised what was being said. He straightened up and stared down the street. There, walking towards him, was Sandra Farmer.

If she had noticed the police activity, she didn't seem worried by it. He waited, ready in case she decided to run but she continued to approach the building. As she drew level with his car, he held out his badge.

'Excuse me. Are you Sandra Farmer?'

Wary eyes looked at him. 'Yes. Can I help you?'

'I'd like you to come with me please.' He produced the handcuffs and began to recite her Miranda warning, aware of an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. Something was wrong; he just couldn't put his finger on what it was.

* * *

x O x

* * *

Stella strode into the crime lab, scattering lab technicians in her wake. She came to an abrupt halt at the sight that met her eyes. 

'What the hell?'

Danny looked up. 'Hi Stella, you get anything useful from -' He broke off as he took in the expression on her face. 'What's wrong?'

'Everyone has been looking for you. Where the hell have you been? We found some references to biblical verses in Sandra Farmer's apartment that made us think she could be after you and then no-one could find you.'

Danny was having a flashback to all the times he had arrived home late as a teenager to be confronted by his irate mother. His voice was defensive, almost sullen as he explained. 'I went to Starbucks. Their coffee machine had broken so I walked a couple of blocks to another one. There was a queue there so by the time I arrived back I'd been gone about 40 minutes and the coffee was getting cold so I zapped it in the microwave. I'm just waiting for Adam to get back from wherever he went so I can find out where the hell my phone is – I thought I'd left it on the desk.'

Stella didn't bother replying as she produced her phone and dialled a number. Whoever she dialled picked up immediately.

'It's me. He's here.' A pause and then, 'I'll tell him.' She ended the call.

That was Mac. You are not to leave the building until we are certain that Sandra Farmer is who we are after. In the meantime I have a suspect to interview.' With a final gimlet glare she turned and left, leaving Danny to stare after her.

* * *

x O x

* * *

Sandra Farmer sat erect in her seat, feet firmly planted on the floor, her eyes staring straight ahead. She was the picture of calm, although one hand played with the crucifix around her neck and Flack could see a faint sheen of perspiration on her face. 

He pushed photos of Carlos Ramirez, Eddie Jackson, Charles Henderson and Emily across the table towards her. 'Tell me why you did it, Sandra.'

No reaction then, very slowly, she turned her head to look at him then equally slowly dropped her eyes to look at the photos on the table.

The gasp and her sudden move backwards had him on his feet ready for an attack that never came. Instead she stood, shaking and white faced. 'Why are you showing me these? Did he send you? Has he found me?' Her voice which started as a whisper had risen with each word.

'Sit down, Ms Farmer.'

'I won't go. You'll have to kill me first. I won't go. I WON'T.'

* * *

x O x

* * *

'Hey, how's it going?' 

'_Danny. Where have you been?'_

Danny groaned; he was getting those flashbacks again. 'I went for coffee and their machine…..never mind. I'm ringing to let you know I'm fine and that they have Sandra Farmer in custody.'

'_Oh god, that's wonderful. Hang on a minute - I have to tell Lucy_.'

Her voice grew fainter and a brief conversation followed that he couldn't hear.

'_That's great; she reckons she can feel her blood pressure coming down.'_ Lindsay was laughing.

He'd expected that she'd do her job without complaint but he hadn't expected her to be laughing – even at the news that they had a suspect in custody. 'Er, the two of you sound as if you're getting on OK?'

'_We are. In fact I'm having a really good day.' _

'Right. OK, well, that's good.' Or was it? For the first time he wondered if there were potentially more downsides to upsides in having the two of the getting on with each other.

'_OK, look, got to go. That was the door - the charts from the hospital have just arrived.'_

Lindsay hung up.

Danny stared at the pile of paper in front of him. It was tempting to leave it but he knew that at trial they would have to prove that only Sandra Farmer had worked in both hospitals. Until Flack confirmed what name she had been using in San Francisco he couldn't check, but what he could do was finish checking to make sure that no-one else had worked in both hospitals.

Danny knew Mac would approve. It was the sort of detail he loved.

* * *

x O x

* * *

Lindsay was still smiling as she reached the front door. She'd heard the worry in Danny's voice when she'd told him she was having a good day and she had a pretty good idea what he was worried about. 

She looked through the spyhole and frowned, certain the woman standing of the other side of it wasn't the concierge. She gestured to Lucy, speaking quietly 'Do you know her?'

Lucy peered cautiously through the spyhole then relaxed. 'Sure. It's Paula Goodwin; she's the Admin Manager in the ER.'

Lindsay frowned. 'She shouldn't be here.' She took out her gun. 'Go and wait in the bedroom. Don't come out until I tell you it's safe and don't make any noise.' Lucy hesitated a moment before nodding and heading into the bedroom and shutting the door.

Once she was sure the bedroom door was closed Lindsay carefully opened the door.

* * *

x O x

* * *

Mac walked in to see Flack standing at the observation window, watching, as Stella continued the interrogation of Sandra Farmer. 

'I thought you were interviewing her.'

Flack turned his head slightly and shrugged. 'I was. She flipped out when I showed her the photos of the victims, and only Stella seemed to be able to calm her down.'

'Yeah? OK, well, how's it going?'

'They've only just re-started. Let's hope she gets further than I did.' They both turned to watch the interrogation.

'Sandra someone is killing people that 'upset' Lucy Connor, like someone killed the people who 'upset' Helen Young.' Stella pushed a photo of Helen Young across the table towards Sandra. 'Then they killed Helen Young because she had an affair with a married man and now we think that they are targeting Lucy Connor. We think that person is you.'

Tears were pouring down Sandra Farmer's cheeks and her head was shaking violently from side to side. Stella continued.

'We think it is you because of your reaction to Lucy yesterday at the hospital when you found out she was carrying Detective Messer's child, but is engaged to another man. Not only that, but we found these bible references in your apartment.' She pushed the notebook towards the crying woman, her voice softening. 'Sandra, I can help you, but only if you help me.'

Sandra Farmer finally looked up. 'No-one can help me now, Detective.'

* * *

x O x

* * *

Hawkes was seriously pissed off: today really had to take the prize for crappy days. 

Leaving Lucy, knowing a maniac could be trying to kill her, was bad enough, but then he'd had to endure a grilling on the stand from a Defence Attorney determined to make himself a name as the meanest kickass defender of the not so innocent in town. Even that wouldn't have been so bad but the Judge was no fan of science and had been perfectly happy to over-rule every objection from the ADA that the Defence Attorney was badgering the witness.

He'd somehow managed to hold his own and hold his temper, but it had been a close run thing. He supposed he ought to be glad that two witnesses scheduled to be on the stand before him had been stuck in traffic after an accident on the Queensborough Bridge. At least he'd been called a couple of hours earlier than he was expecting.

As soon as he had escaped the courtroom, he had checked his phone messages. The first had been from Lucy telling him she was fine, that he was not to worry and that she loved him. He knew from the strange looks people had been giving him that he had been grinning like a loon while he listened to that message. The second had been from Mac to tell him they had a suspect in custody and to go straight home once he'd finished testifying.

He tapped his fingers impatiently against the steering wheel. In case the day hadn't already been bad enough the traffic was worse than usual and there was no telling how long it would take him to get back to the apartment. He tossed around the idea of calling Lucy now and letting her know he was on his way home but decided that it would be better to wait until he was outside their apartment. No point worrying her when he took longer than expected to get back.

* * *

x O x

* * *

He was tired and his head ached. 

Danny decided that once he reached the end of the list he was working on he would stop for a few minutes and stretch his legs, maybe call Lindsay again.

It was the second to last name on the list, and when he typed it in he was expecting the same 'No Matches' message that had been coming up for the last few hours. So it took him a couple of seconds to believe what he was reading, but once he did tiredness was a distant memory as he reached for the phone.

* * *

**A/N2:** Have you worked out who it is yet? Everything is revealed in the next chapter! 


	30. The End of the Beginning

**Author's Note: **Thanks again to **notesofwimsey** and** sallyjetson** for their help with this chapter.

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 30 – The End of the Beginning.**

_The consequences of our crimes long survive their commission, and like the ghosts of the murdered, forever haunt the steps of the malefactor._

_Sir Walter Scott_

* * *

Lindsay watched Paula Goodwin's face intently as she opened the door. The older woman's eyes flickered momentarily to the apartment number on the wall next to the door as if checking she had the right apartment. 

'Can I help you?' Confusion and then alarm chased each other across Paula Goodwin's face as she spotted the gun in Lindsay's hand.

'I….er….I've bought these for Dr Connor to sign.' She held up the briefcase with a shaking hand. Lindsay didn't move.

'They should have been given to the concierge.' She kept her voice cool and even. She still hadn't taken her eyes from Paula's face.

'Yes I know, but someone has collapsed outside the building.' Paula's voice shook slightly. 'He said he couldn't leave them, told me which apartment Dr Connor lives in and said to come up.' When Lindsay didn't say anything, Paula indicated towards the briefcase with an unsteady hand. 'I can leave them with you if you like and wait downstairs. You can bring it down to me when Dr Connor has signed them.'

Lindsay hesitated. Nothing she could see suggested that there was anything to worry about, but still, it always paid to be cautious.

'OK. Put the case down. I'll bring them down when they are signed.'

Paula looked relieved. 'Thank you.' She placed the briefcase on the floor and turned to walk away, then stopped and looked back at Lindsay. 'Please tell Dr Connor that everyone sends their best wishes and hopes she is able to come back to work soon.'

'I'll tell her. Thanks.' Lindsay watched as Paula walked down the hallway, called the elevator and got in, before picking up the briefcase and stepping back into the apartment.

Lucy appeared from the bedroom, eyebrows raised. Lindsay shrugged. 'Better to be safe than sorry. You sign these and then I'll take them downstairs to Paula.'

* * *

x O x

* * *

The insistent ringing of his phone gave Flack an excuse to step away from the observation window and temporarily escape the frustration that was coursing through him as Sandra Farmer's hysterical crying yet again meant Stella had to stop and wait for the woman to calm herself down before proceeding with the interrogation. 

'Flack'

'_It's Messer. Get up here, will you? I've found something you need to see.' _

Before Flack could say yes or no the phone went dead. Flack poked his head around the door. 'That was Danny. He's got something he thinks I should see.'

Mac glanced around and nodded. 'OK, keep me updated.'

All the way up in the elevator Flack formed and then discarded numerous theories about what could have Danny sounding so agitated. As he stepped out on the 35th floor Danny appeared in front of him, forcing him back into the elevator again.

'Whoa, what's going on?'

Danny thumped the button to take the elevator down to the ground floor. 'We have another suspect.'

* * *

x O x

* * *

'OK, there's the last one –' Lucy broke off as her cell phone rang. She checked the caller display and her face broke into a huge smile. 'Hey you, I thought you were in court.' 

Lindsay reached over and gently plucked the file from Lucy's hand and added it to the pile.

'That's great. I'll see you in a couple of minutes then.' She ended the call. Lindsay smiled at her.

'That Hawkes?'

'Yes, he's finished in court early, and Mac's given him the rest of the day. He'll be back in a few minutes.'

'Great. In that case I'll wait until he gets here before I take these files back to Paula.' At Lucy's amused look she shrugged. 'Like I said; better safe than sorry.'

* * *

x O x

* * *

Stella left Sandra Farmer with a uniformed cop and joined Mac outside the interview room. 

'What?'

Mac handed her a file. 'We got a hit on her finger prints. Look at this.'

Silence while Stella skimmed through the contents of the folder. 'Damn it.' The cry was punctuated by the file being hit against the wall. 'Why didn't she just tell us?'

'She doesn't trust us. We're cops; her husband is a cop. Chicago PD closed ranks and protected him when he all but killed her. She probably thinks we are helping him find her. Let's face it, she was so scared she changed her name and moved to a new city to escape him.'

Stella turned to stare at the red eyed, weeping woman sitting in the interview room. The calmness she had exhibited at the start was a distant memory now. 'But the biblical quotations about adultery –'

'Her husband was having an affair. From what I could find out he has always been abusive, but it went to a whole new level when she found out about his affair. My guess: she is hoping that if the law won't punish him that God will.'

'Which is great, but we're back to square one.'

'We'll have to hope that Danny finds something in the personnel records –' Mac broke off as his cell phone rang. 'Flack.'

* * *

x O x

* * *

'Mac, I'm with Danny. The personnel records show that Paula Goodwin worked in San Francisco at the same time as the Helen Young killings.' 

'_Where is she now?_' Mac was all business.

'That's the problem. She went in to work early today and offered to take the files to Lucy for her signature. She left nearly an hour ago so she must be there by now. Not only that but the IT department have tracked her login and she accessed Lucy's records last night. She knows Danny's the baby's father.'

'_Where are you now?'_

'Not far from the apartment. Danny's trying to reach Lindsay to let her know. I've got squad cars on their way.'

'_OK, keep me posted.' _

Flack glanced at Danny. 'Any luck?'

'No, it's going to voicemail.' Flack could tell he was hanging on by a thread.

* * *

x O x

* * *

Lindsay emerged into the lobby of the apartment block. A quick look told her Paula was nowhere to be seen. 

'Can I help you miss?'

She looked around to see the concierge smiling at her. 'Yes, I'm looking for someone who was supposed to be waiting for me here. Perhaps you saw her. She's mid 40's, about 5ft 10in, short light brown hair, hazel eyes, and wearing a long black coat with a red scarf.'

The concierge shook his head slowly. 'No ma'am, I can't say I've seen anyone matching that description today.'

Lindsay stared at him as her phone began to ring. She ignored it. 'She said she'd spoken to you outside when you were helping someone who'd collapsed.'

The concierge looked confused. 'No-one's collapsed outside today ma'am –'

He was talking to Lindsay's back as she dived for the elevator her fingers frantically dialling Hawkes' cell phone.

* * *

x O x

* * *

Hawkes ripped off his shirt and tie and threw them in the laundry basket, then pulled on jeans and a sweater. The stress of the day was draining away now he was home and could see that Lucy was not only safe, but happy and apparently well on her way to forming a friendship with Lindsay. 

He could smell the soup she was heating up for his lunch. His stomach rumbled. He decided to put off packing for their hotel stay tonight and eat first.

He went into the hall. 'You know I think we should go out of town for a few –'

He came to a halt and his world teetered on its axis.

The whiteness of her face contrasted sharply with the deep red of the scarf being pulled tight around her neck. She met his horrified gaze and to the end of his days he would wake sweating at the terror he saw in them.

'Sheldon.' She could barely get his name out as she clawed at the scarf, desperately trying to draw a breath. In the heartbeat it took him to start to move, she crumpled to the floor.

The figure behind her was tall, dressed in black, a headdress obscuring their features. His temporary paralysis was over. He heard a roar, which later he realised must have come from him, as he threw himself at them. They let go of the scarf around Lucy's neck and stepped back.

The red mist that had descended didn't obscure the glint of the knife's blade.

* * *

x O x

* * *

Lindsay cursed as Hawkes's phone went to voicemail. The elevator seemed to crawl, each floor taking an age to pass. Her phone rang as the doors finally opened at Lucy's floor. 

'Danny –'

'_It's Paula Goodwin, Lindsay_ –'

'I know. She's here and I can't get Hawkes –' She reached the door and banged hard. 'Hawkes…….HAWKES……Danny, something's going on in there, I can hear something.'

'_We're pulling up outside now, Linds. Keep talking to me_.'

A fire extinguisher caught her eye. She dropped the phone and the briefcase she still held and grabbed it. Adrenalin surged as she crashed it against the lock, desperate to get inside the apartment. Twice she hit it and then the door burst open.

A figure dressed in black was lying, unmoving on the floor with a knife protruding from their chest as Hawkes, covered in blood with tears steaming down his face, cradled Lucy in his arms.

* * *

x O x

* * *

To Danny the scene was reminiscent from a year ago when they had sat and waited for news about Flack. 

Stella sat opposite him, across the cold sterile hospital corridor, her hand clasped in Doug's. He sat with Lindsay, his arms about her, unable to let go of her just as he was unable to let go of the fear he had felt for those few minutes after she'd dropped the phone. He hadn't been to church in a long time but the call over the radio telling of an officer down had him reciting prayers he had thought long forgotten.

A door swung opened and Mac appeared, walking briskly towards them. Four pairs of eyes looked at him, all asking the same silent question. He shook his head. 'She died half an hour ago on the operating table.'

Danny tipped his head back, drawing in a long breath as Lindsay squeezed his hand. Mac sat down next to Stella, his head down, staring at his hands as he spoke slowly. 'I've done the initial processing of the body, but we won't need Sid's autopsy report to know how she died. The knife nicked her heart.' He looked up. 'Have we had any news about Lucy or Hawkes yet?'

Stella shook her head. 'Flack's gone to see what Emily can tell him. Hawkes wounds were superficial, they just needed cleaning and stitching according to the doctor we spoke to.' Her voice caught. Danny felt Lindsay's hand tighten around his.

'And Lucy?' Mac prompted.

There was something blocking Danny's throat, making it impossible for him to speak. After a pause Doug sat forward. 'She's alive but they've had to put a tube down her throat so she can breathe.'

'And the baby?' Mac's voice was thick with tension. Again, it was Doug that answered.

'They are monitoring her but –'

'But we've been warned it's more than likely she'll miscarry.' Danny suddenly found his voice. 'Emily is running some tests and as soon as she knows anything….' He ground to a halt as the lump in his throat returned.

The five of them sat in silence, each sunk in their own thoughts, each jumping every time the doors swung open. Finally Flack appeared, his eyes red rimmed. No-one moved and no-one spoke. Flack cleared his throat. 'Hawkes is OK, he just needed some stitches. Lucy……' he paused, stuffing his hands deep into his pockets as he took a deep breath, 'Lucy is as well as can be expected. They sedated her, so now they are waiting for her to wake up. They think they'll be able to take the tube out tomorrow.' He stopped again.

'What about the baby?' Lindsay's grip on Danny's hand had tightened again, as she sat forward, her eyes fixed on Flack's face.

Flack wiped the back of his hand swiftly across his eyes before looking directly at Danny. 'Emily says that a shock like the one Lucy suffered is almost certain to lead to a miscarriage this early in pregnancy, but,' a tired smile broke through as he met Danny's eyes, 'she's done a scan and there is a heartbeat. She says not to get your hopes up too much and that the next 48 hours will be critical, but it's looking hopeful at the moment.'

* * *

x O x

* * *

The room was in semi darkness. Hawkes sat with his head bowed, gently stroking her hand, waiting for the first signs that she was waking up. Aware that someone was standing behind him, he didn't have the energy to pick his head up and look. 

'You OK?'

Hawkes nodded slowly. 'I'm fine….or I will be, as long as….'

He felt a hand rest briefly on his shoulder then Danny slid into the chair next to him. They sat in silence for a while, both watching for any movement, any indication that she was waking up. Danny shifted in his seat.

'Paula Goodwin's dead.'

'I know.' He'd killed someone, another human being: taken a life with an act of violence. His eyes rested on her face, then dropped to where he could see the bruising on her neck as he continued, his voice stronger now, defiant. 'I'd do it again.'

'I know ... I'm sorry … if I'd found her name sooner…'

Hawkes shook his head as Danny's words trailed away. 'You know, Lindsay saved her life. If she'd let Paula in when she first arrived…' he stopped, remembering. 'She was so strong. It was a fluke that I got the knife away from her. She tripped, otherwise it would have been me with a knife in my chest. If Lindsay had let her in -' He paused, taking a deep breath to try and control the emotions that swirled through him. 'I just don't understand how she got into the apartment and I don't understand _why_.'

'She had a key.' At the shocked look Hawkes gave him Danny explained. 'We don't know how, but as Admin Manager she kept a spare set of keys to the doctors lockers. It would have been easy enough to get in, take the key, get it copied and have it back before Lucy even noticed it was missing. As for why……Mac hasn't been able to find out much. We do know that her father was a Marine Gunnery Sergeant Major and that her mother was reported missing, presumed to have run away with a boyfriend, when Paula was 14. Her father died a couple of months before the San Francisco killings started.'

'So we'll never know why, will we? All we can do is guess.' Anger stirred for a moment, cold and rancid in the pit of his stomach, before tiredness claimed him again.

A movement and a spike on the monitor. Tiredness forgotten, he hit the call button, then leant over her, watching, praying.

Her eyelids fluttered and her hand slowly tightened around his.

And his world was back on its axis.

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**AN2:** So there you are. The story is finished...except it isn't. So there will be an epilogue posted on Monday :) 


	31. Epilogue

**Author's Note:** This is the last chapter. It is unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine. It is very different to the rest of the story but it felt like the best way to show what happened next.

So, thank you to everyone who has been reading this story - I hope you have enjoyed it. Special thanks to those of you who have posted reviews - I really do appreciate you taking the time :)

Finally thanks to the wenches, **notesofwimsey, ****elainhe,** and **sallyjetson **for all their support. **Sallyjetson** gets a special mention as she has lived every high and every low I have experienced in writing this and yet still comes back for more :)

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**_Homework Assignment:_**

**_My Family_**

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My name is Molly Messer Hawkes. I am 10 years old and this is about my family. 

I live with my mom, Lucy Hawkes, my step dad Sheldon, my brother Harrison who is eight and my sister Katy who is five. My mom is a doctor and she works in a women's clinic. My step dad lectures on forensics and pathology at NYU. My mom is the best mom ever. She helps me with my homework and we bake cakes together and sometimes she lets me help out at the clinic. I think I want to be a doctor just like her. My step dad is very clever. He is teaching me to play chess and we read lots of books together. My favourites are Ella Enchanted and Little House on the Prairie.

I also live with my dad, Danny Messer, my step mom Lindsay, my sister Anna who is nine and my brother Louis who is seven. My dad is a Crime Scene Investigator and he is the day shift supervisor. My step mom is head of trace evidence at the crime lab. My dad is really funny and makes me laugh all the time. He takes me on really cool days out to places like the zoo and all my friends think I'm really lucky to have him for a dad. My step mom is really nice. She taught me and Anna and Jessica to ride and we all go horse riding together sometimes.

My mom and dad split up before I was born but they are really good friends. The best holiday I've ever had is when we all went to Montana for a week to stay with my step mom's parents on their farm. I learned to ride western style. It was cool.

I have some Uncles and Aunties as well. Uncle Doug is my step mom's brother. He is a journalist. He is married to Aunty Stella and she is a Crime Scene Investigator like my dad. They have twin girls who are two years old called Lottie and Sophie. They are really sweet and have lots and lots of curly hair like Aunty Stella. Uncle Doug says they are very precious because Aunty Stella didn't think she could have children. I like visiting with them because Aunty Stella takes me to dance classes and Uncle Doug lets me use his laptop to write stories on.

Uncle Don and Aunty Emily are my god-parents. Uncle Don is a detective and Aunty Emily is a doctor. She works in the same clinic as my mom. They live in the same building as my mom and step dad and they have three children. Jessica is eight and she and Anna and me are best friends. Jack and Patrick are twins and they are five. Uncle Don says they are holy terrors. Aunty Emily says they take after Uncle Don.

When I was born there was a huge storm and a power cut and my mom couldn't get to hospital so Uncle Don and Aunty Emily had to help me be born. Uncle Don says it's the second scariest thing he's ever done. He says the most scary thing was asking Aunty Emily to marry him. Aunty Emily says he is just joking but I don't think he is. Uncle Don is the best uncle ever. When I spilled my grape juice all over the new carpet he said he did it so I didn't get into trouble. Aunty Emily is very pretty and very funny and lets me and Jessica and Anna braid her hair and paint her nails.

Uncle Mac is my dad's boss. I'm going to be a bridesmaid when he gets married to a really nice lady called Elaine. My dad says it's about time he met someone before he's too old for it. My step mom told him off. He pulled a face. It was funny.

I think I'm really lucky because I have a great family. Louis and Harrison are really annoying sometimes but Aunty Emily says that they are boys and I should get used to it.

**_The End_**

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**AN2: **This story (bar the killing!) was inspired by some friends of mine who found themselves in a similar situation to Danny and Lucy. They and their respective partners found a way to make it work for them and for their daughter, who is now 18 and who, like Molly, thinks she is incredibly lucky to have such a great family. 


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